Loving Tonga with Reckless Abandon

Adjustments

2012-01-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

I know it has been a while since I have written but that is just because my life called for some major adjustments and I need a clear mind to write, so I took a bit of a break from writing. But now I am back and ready for this new year, atleast half of me is ready for this new year. The other half isn't quite sure still what day it is or what time it is. Adjusting to all these culture changes, weather changes, lifestyle changes, and emotional changes I have come to the conclusion that I am made to be in a place where the pressure of certain things just is non existent. For example, there is so much pressure in having the latest gadget and having the newest toy here and not truly knowing what being satisfied in Christ can look like, I get saddened by the way the world makes us feel driven to have to have all those things. I am so sad that we can't be satisfied enough in Christ to let all the gadgets go. I have found myself checking my phone more here than in Tonga, I feel like I have to answer people right away and that I have this pressure pushing me to respond before I have committed things to prayer. So lately I have just tried to wait before responding to a text, an email or even picking up the phone on the first right. I don't want my culture to cloud my mind so much that I miss being satisfied with God alone. I have seen it first hand that what it looks like when a culture isn't driven by having the latest and greatest. I want that to be apart of who I am and what I am about. I want to make sure that I am not driven by all the things my culture tells me I am to be driven by, but that I am lead by the Spirit of God. This is just one of the things God has shown me in this adjusting time. I pray that you desire to be satisfied with Jesus alone and let the other fall by the way side if need be. May Jesus bless your day!!!

I choose Mary

2011-11-28T13:48:00.000-08:00

I want to ask you a question. How close are you to Jesus? Do you hear his very heartbeat? Do you know what comes next? Do you know that even in moments of despair God cries with you, yet in the next moment when joy comes, He will rejoice with you too? There is a woman in the Bible who has desperately caught my attention. She is the one that I believe knew the Lord so intimately that she saw things even before His disciples did. And I am not talking about his mother Mary either. I am talking about the Sister to Martha and Lazarus. I am talking about that Mary. I can say that the relationship she had with Jesus and the choices she made, I want to be more like her. I want to always choose what is better. I want to be humble and close to the heart of Jesus. In Luke 10:38-42 we are introduced to Mary and her sister Martha. I am not sure why she stands out to me so much but I am sure that it is because I am more like her than Martha. I want to clarify something first. I am not saying Jesus didn't love Martha or that Mary clearly was better. I am NOT saying any of that, I am merely making an observation about the life of Mary. When Jesus came to her house to eat and spend time with this family He had to do a little damage control. I can just see Martha, in the kitchen and then rushing out requiring Jesus to boss around her sister too and make Mary help her.

Martha came and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

Now at this point I can see Mary looking at Jesus and getting ready to get up to help her sister. As Mary moves, Jesus touches her and with His gentle smile on His face says, "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

WOW!!! For Jesus to tell Martha that, makes me look at my own life. When I am too "BUSY" to spend time with Jesus because of doing His work, what am I missing out on that He may want to say to me?

See Mary knew every word that came out of Jesus' mouth that day, because she sat with Him and listened to her Lord speak. Martha I believe missed out on something very important. I don't know what Jesus spoke that day other than what is recorded here in Luke, but I am sure it was more than this. I am sure that Jesus shared things and ministered to this family. Now lets go over to John 11. In John 11 we see that Jesus was in a town near Bethany where Mary, Martha, and Lazarus lived. Martha sent word that Lazarus was sick and yet Jesus stayed, so that God would be the one glorified in the end. When Jesus finally arrived in Bethany near their house Martha went out to meet him. Here is something that I noticed as I was preparing to share about this last week at youth. Martha came to Jesus and talked to Him like she would anyone. She believed in Jesus and she knew that He was God, I believed that she loved and trusted Him to do for her what she asked, but I think she missed something here that I notice Mary doesn't miss. When Martha approaches Jesus she talks to him, as if talking to a friend. There isn't anything wrong with that, but then when Mary comes to see Jesus she also approaches him yet she falls at His feet. She knew that He was God and yet there was a humility in Mary that was, what I believe, only achieved by spending time with Him. She threw herself at His mercy. Mary said the same thing to Jesus as Martha did. They both said, "Lord, if you would have been here, my brother would not have died." That was the end of what Mary knew to say. She began to weep. But if you look at Martha's statement. She said the same thing and then followed is with a "BUT," I like that Martha was showing heart to Jesus and trying to reason with Him that she believed in who He was. See I think this is such an interesting story. I have been meditating on it for almost a week now, and even now as I write God reveals new things to me about this. I love that as Mary cried, Jesus was moved with compassion. He know what God was going to do and He knew that within the hour Lazarus would be walking around again. He knew that the sisters would be overjoyed and happy. Yet in that moment Jesus was overwhelmed with compassion and Jesus wept. There is only one other time that we see Jesus moved by this much emotion and that is in the Garden before He went to the cross. I am sure He was moved a lot but these are specific times that are recorded.

So then we go to the following chapter, Chapter 12 and this is where Mary, the same Mary, anoints Jesus' feet with expensive oil. The disciples can't understand what she is doing, and again I believe that because of Mary's intentional relationship with Jesus she didn't miss something that others missed. It says that the night she did this was the night before His triumphal entry. Again some of His disciples began to tease her and yet Jesus stands up for her and protects her. Jesus knew that Mary got it, even when the rest of them didn't, Mary knew what was coming. She may not have knew the intimate details but I believe that she knew Jesus was going to die soon. Jesus and Mary had a relationship that I believe that He desires with each of us. Mary had insight that I want to have. Mary knew the heart of Jesus like even His own disciples didn't understand. Mary saw things that I believe that Jesus showed and told her that others missed because they just assumed Jesus would always be there, which is true, just in a different form. I want to be like Mary. I want to be so close to Jesus that if other people miss His words, I don't. I want to know His very heart. I want to be aware of things to come in a way that others may miss. Lord, help us to be more like the example Mary is in these verses where she humbly comes and just chooses to know YOUR heart and put you first before anything else. We all know that working for you is good and at times it is required, but putting you first is more important and is the better thing to choose. Thank you Lord for you revelation about this, even if it is just for me. AMEN!!!!

What about you?

2011-11-27T12:35:00.000-08:00

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men." Matt 15:8&9 (Isaiah 29:13)

This is a very true statement of how a lot of people and churches are here in Tonga. There is more tradition than relationship with God. They have all these rules about Sunday which seems amazing, and the fact that they honor the sabbath like that is great, but when you see everyone all dressed up in their church clothes, you can't tell who the true christians are and who aren't. Its amazing to see that everything is closed on Sundays and I mean everything except the bread shops. and And that ever one is at rest, but that is all it is to some people. Just to give you an idea, the police patrol and if a Tongan is at the Tahi (Beach) swimming on Sunday they get into trouble. The kids can't really go outside and play. They have to stay inside and rest. This is just so strange to me, but I love how they truly honor the Sabbath. I love how Holy it is to them. I just want to share more about the Jesus that I KNOW and not necessarily the Jesus they think He is. I pray that in these last few days I can show others the Jesus who died to save their lives. I want them to know the reality of who Jesus is to me and who He can be for them too. I know that even some people that are dear to me here haven't truly experienced the saving grace of Jesus. They only know Him as a lawgiver and Judge. Although that is true, that is only apart of Him, He is so much bigger than that. I pray that as I plan to return here soon (God willing) I will be able to once again show Jesus to this nation, it is such an incredible place. The people are amazing and it is forever burned in my heart. I pray that if you haven't experienced this kind of Jesus too, that you do. Ask God to reveal Himself in a new way to you to day.

Fundraising for the Radio

2011-11-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

First I want to say that I have been trying all day to upload the audio that goes with this blog but I will figure it out and add it to the page later. I hope you enjoy...

Just to give you an idea about what an amazing ministry this radio is here I want to share a couple of stories with you.

There is a family on the west side of the Island that heard the Bible teachings on the Radio but their reception wasn't good. Due to their hunger for the word, they built their own antenna around their house and into the trees so they can hear about Jesus.

On the day of the International Prayer the radio hosted, a little girl about 6 or 7 years old called in crying and praying for the persecuted around the world. This urged many adults to also call in and pray. They realized that if a young girl can recognize the freedom they have here in the islands, they should pray more as well.

These are just a couple stories from phone calls we have received. I hope you can see how important this Radio Station is to the people here in Tonga. It is through this that many get discipled and grow in Faith and the Knowledge of Jesus. I pray that however God lays on your heart to give whether in prayer or in dollars God will bless you! Thank you!!!

Blessed Relationships

2011-11-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

I am coming to the realization that leaving here is going to be one of the hardest things I do. I am really not looking forward to that day. I know that it is necessary in this growing time God has for me, but I am telling you that I have made great friends here. Friends who are honest, love me for just being me, and let me be silly with them. I know that going home I have friends and family that love me there and so I look forward to seeing them, but honestly if I could merge the two worlds together I would. I know God will give me the strength to make it through and I know that He has this all in His plan, but gosh, how does anyone live when there heart is split in two places? I am not sure and I am not sure how that will go, but for now, I am enjoying the Sunshine and warm weather. I am enjoying the new faces that have stolen my heart and made this trip unforgettable. I am honored and blessed that these amazing souls have welcomed me into their hearts and lives. Even if it is for a season. I know that God isn't one who loves severed relationships. I know that God is not a God of damaging relationships. He is all about keeping relationships in tact and allowing them to flourish, as long as both parties are in His will. I believe that God is a God who loves to create new relationships for us. I believe that I will be back here sooner than I think, and God will again work in and through me but for now I have to remain present. I will love everyone here even when I leave, but I will love on them until I have to leave. Each of them have allowed me to see a new side of who My Jesus is, and to them I am forever grateful. I will always treasure that. I know I will see them again soon and although I can't say when right at this moment, I know that God has His perfect timing. I pray that God would give you relationships with people around you, just as He has given me. God never meant for us to live alone, and that is one of my favorite things about God. He desires that WE COMMUNE first with Him, and then with each other. Praise God!!!

Hearing His Voice

2011-11-21T04:36:00.014-08:00

God has really been drilling into my brain John chapter 10. He is the Good Shepherd and as His sheep we know His voice. I believe that God has been speaking to me about a lot of things going on and changing in me. There are things that I am confident God has said, and then things that I am not as confident about. I think due to my lack of faith or doubt, I have been needing God to confirm things He has already said. Now in my head I KNOW that I hear the voice of the Lord and I KNOW that He speaks to me, yet in certain things I hesitate to act swiftly because of the lack of faith there. He is training my ear to hear Him and Him alone. I want to make sure that I ONLY hear what He has to say to me and what He wants me to do. I want to make sure that I am doing exactly what He wants, no more and NO LESS! I want to make sure that my ear is being trained here so that when I go back home, I can carry that with me into my next adventure for the rest of my life. I want to make sure that I am confident in hearing the Voice of the Lord in each and EVERY situation. I pray that you hear the voice of the Lord too and that He shows you CLEARLY how to hear Him. If you are wanting to hear His voice and aren't sure where to start, Read John 10 and hopefully that will give you a bit of encouragement.

Mighty God

2011-11-20T15:06:00.000-08:00

I think it is so funny that we sing a song about letting it rain at church and then it rains here for two days and should probably stop around Saturday or Sunday. I think it is funny because her know that we need rain here in Tonga and it is so good for it, but just like at home for me, when it rains, I get sick. I am not a fan of rain for that very reason. Maybe that is why I love the wind so much and am drawn to that. I am sitting here in the cafe, being cold for the first time in my time here and coughing like crazy. But I have to say that in some small way, it is amazing to be here even though I may not feel great. I love that God uses these times to show how great and mighty He is. :)

International Day of Prayer

2011-11-13T15:01:00.001-08:00

November 13th is a very important day for the Christian community and I hope that you were able to share in it a little bit. It is the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. At the radio station we had all day prayer and intercession On-Air for the persecuted across the world. We placed posters up of the people that have been affected by this. It is heart-wrenching to see these people suffer. Here at the station we had a bunch of people come in at different times and just pray together and war in a way that was totally selfless. I believe that as we join together for a cause that is totally selfless and outside of our wants and needs, God can move even more freely because we just desire for God to strengthen those people and to give them more opportunity to share Christ with others. I want to leave you with some pictures that touched my heart. I pray they touch yours too.

This is a woman who went to the peaceful protesting in Egypt with her Fiance'. He told her not to leave him or let go of his hand. So after he died this is her keeping that promise.

Today

2011-11-08T12:27:00.000-08:00

Today is the day for me to catch up on all my writing and to be able to have a bit of free time to do anything else that has lingered throughout the day. I am looking forward to this time and catching up on my writing and all. I know that God wants me to be able to enjoy the time I have left here. I am praying to see what direction I need to take once I get back and how everything God has shared with me will work out. I am excited to see what God is going to do. As I sit here in this radio station working I am reminded of God's Grace. He chooses to love me, protect me, give me things, and speak to me when He doesn't have to. I am so humbled that God wants to be apart of everything I do. This morning, I felt His excitement for the day ahead and how much He wanted to share with me. I felt like He had been waiting all night to share the morning with me, to share His heart with me, and to show me in His word the promises that He has given to me. This is going to be a great day because God is walking with me every step of the way. I know that He is excited to bless this day, even if it is just with His presence being evident to me in my life. I pray that you know that God wants to share your day with you. He wants to make sure that you are keenly aware of His presence and that you experience all the blessings He has planned for you in your day because you stick close to Him. I pray that you get excited too. Its never to late to ask the Lord to be apart of your day!!!

Hebrews 11:6

2011-11-07T12:21:00.000-08:00

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6

God has been speaking to me so clearly here about so many things. About my future, about current challenges, about things going on here, about a variety of subjects. He has been proving Himself as well, as I begin to trust more in Him and rely more on Him, He begins to move. Funny how we tend to think the opposite is true. We tend to think that as we do it ourselves that proves something to God that we are capable of working so that He can come in and help. That isn't what He wants for us at all. He wants for us to earnestly seek Him as we go about our daily lives so that HE and HE ALONE can accomplish what He has set for us to do. I love that He desires to use us as we FULLY RELY ON HIM. He has BIG things if we seek Him. I believe that God is steadily answering my prayers about changing me, completing me, and giving me abundant life here on earth. He is SO faithful to His words to me. I keep praying for certain things and He keeps showing up. The enemy creeps in and lies to me, and then God FLOODS me with His presence. I desire that once I go back to America, this communication won't change. But that is up to me, I have to choose to turn the noise of the world off so that I can earnestly seek Him. I have to make sure that this carries with me, because this has been so amazing and such a sweet time with the Lord. I am blessed to know Him this way. Thank you Jesus, that as we trust in you, we please you and as we please you and earnestly seek you, You bless us beyond measure. I pray that as you begin to seek the Lord, that you will see how wonderful it can be to have BIG faith in an even BIGGER God!!!

Habakukk 2:1-3

2011-11-01T15:55:00.001-07:00

I love when God surprises you with what He says in His word. Last night I was battling something in my own head and God VERY clearly spoke a verse to me. Now I have read this verse many times and until yesterday it was just a great verse and was nice to read. NOW it is ALIVE and has brought great peace to my soul, so I wanted to share it with you.

Habakukk 2:1-3:

I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.^[a]

The LORD’s Answer

² Then the LORD replied:

   “Write down the revelation
   and make it plain on tablets
   so that a herald^[b] may run with it.
³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
   it speaks of the end
   and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
   it^[c] will certainly come
   and will not delay.

This brought me so much peace yesterday and has stirred a fire in me that I am excited to see how it goes. God is moving here as I am sure everywhere and I am just honored to be apart of it. I want to wait patiently for God to move, in HIS timing and in HIS way. I know that He is always on time and in "The Message" it says in vs. 3- "This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming-it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. It it seems slow in coming, wait. Its on its way. It will come right on time." I love that. I am not sure what you are praying for in your life, or what God has spoken to you about things, but I want you to be reminded that God will always come through. He will always be on time. He is never late. We are just simply early. These verses are that such promise, God is faithful and He WILL accomplish all He has spoken. I am clinging to this verse right now and I hope it wil resonate inside of you as well. I hope you have a blessed day!!!

What's in your soul?

2011-10-31T14:43:00.000-07:00

"Lord, I saw your face last night
When I looked in the sky
You were smiling
You told me it would be okay
You would make a way
In my dark times

CHORUS:
Every time I hear your voice
Every time I feel your touch
It makes me know that I can face tomorrow
One more time

When all my friends go away
I'll be glad to say
You're still near me
Even when the wind blows by
I feel warm inside
You're so lovely

CHORUS

I need you, don't leave me
Without you I can't survive

CHORUS

I know that I can face tomorrow
'Cause you will walk me through
My pain and sorrow
I know that I can face tomorrow
One more time

I can face tomorrow
You can face tomorrow
We can face tomorrow
One more time" One more time-The Katinas

If you haven't listened to this song, I suggest you do. I had someone here show me this song, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Its funny how when you hear a song, and you know the person, you can tell exactly what is in their heart. Have you ever had that happen? Before the age of iPods, when I still had a BIG CD player in my room and my whole house could hear what I was feeling, there was more of a way to see that in other people's lives. Now it is a bit harder to see that, but I just love that God has created music so intricately and so divinely because it can translate to anyone, in any language at any time. I love how unique music is to other things. Music can penetrate the soul. Words can to, but you have to choose to let them but music cuts to your soul and you may not even know it. I know that I have all different kinds of music. Like on Sunday, during our worship at church, I was asked to sing with the team in Tongan. Although at first during practice it was hard, I knew that whether I understood the words or not, God did and I was praising Him. You know that I can't remember most of those words now, but that song is in my heart. I love that God can show us our soul if we take a step back and look at the music we listen to as well. Growing up our house was only to have Christian Music being played and although as my sister and I got older and the radio stations changed, I understand why. When you let music into your soul, it can determine your mood or your out look on life. Its not just music but anything. When you allow things into the place where God dwells and it isn't apart of His heart, then we begin to wrestle within our own soul. I have been cut off from most things here and although to some of you that may seem boring, there is real freedom in that. There is freedom in not having the pressure or the opportunity to infiltrate my mind with things that are not of God. Although I choose alot of that, there is also no pressure to do so by those around me. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be here and to experience this first hand. I can't believe that I am halfway through my trip. Here it is November 1st and I am astonished at how fast this seems to be going. I am trying to take every opportunity I have so that when I get home I can look back and know I did all I could while being here and am willing to come back when God allows. May you have a blessed day!!!

Prayer Request

2011-10-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I am half way through my trip. I am so excited to see what else God is going to do. I am blessed to see that God has so much more for me here. I have begun to spend more time with the members from my church here and I have truly fallen in love with them. I can see how years of religion has beaten them down. I am so grateful to have a pastor here who speaks the truth to them and tells them what the Bible says, no more, no less than what God says in His word. I love it and I pray that God will continue to touch lives here. So today I ask for your prayer for our Pastor, his wife who is sick in the hospital. His name is Pastor Peni Finau so if you can please lift him up and his family. Thank you! I know that God is going to move as His people pray. I pray that you are blessed today as you intercede for others that you may never meet. Thank you so much for your prayers and know that I miss you and can't wait to share what God has done here in The Kingdom of Tonga. AMEN!!!

Breaking records

2011-10-25T15:05:00.002-07:00

I wanted to just share a bit of my heart with you today. God has really been drilling into me that this season for me is to get me to break free from some of the things at home that hold me back from totally doing what He needs me to do. This season is to break the records that play over and over in my head. Things like I have to do something different than what God has placed before me, that I have to be someone I am not just to make others happy. For example, I am more like Mary than Martha. Anyone who knows me for 5 seconds can figure that out, and although there is a season for working and running around, I will always choose to sit at the feet of Jesus over running around like crazy because there is so much more freedom, peace, rest, and the ability to gain wisdom when we sit in His presence. I will tell you that God is getting through to those things that I knew were there before but He just couldn't get to. The voices of others and the voices of my own flesh were just to loud and drilled into my head. I can say that I am more free today than I ever have been before and I am sure tomorrow it will even be better. We are always our own worst critics and for me, I know I am. I know I am not skinny, I know I am single, I know that I need to work full time, I know that I want my own place, I know that I haven't always made wise decisions, I know all of the things people love to remind me about all the time. I have already beat myself up about them for the better part of the day, before someone else reminds me that I am any or more of those things, but guess what, that isn't WHO I AM...I am His Beloved, I am His princess and I am His Bride. I am beautiful because HE makes me beautiful in HIS TIME, not yours or mine. I say these things because I struggle with thinking them about others too. I want to be free from that, I want to be free from putting a label on someone or calling them anything less than what God calls them to be. I know that we live in a fallen world and it is hard to do at times but I want to choose wiser. I want to be better to others so that God can be seen in me. I don't want to be the cause of holding someone back because of something I have labeled them as and they can't get out of that. I want people that I come in contact with to live UP TO their potential. God has never given me a name that I have had to live down to, only the enemy does that and our own flesh, but NOT God. He always gives me names I get to live UP TO. I want to be that way with people, and I believe it starts with me. I need to leave the records here in Tonga of the things I have allowed others to say about me for years and have lived down to, and live up to ONLY what God says about me. I believe that when we can change first, in our own mind we can allow others to change and live up to their potential. How can we teach others about that if we don't have personal experience? How can we help them break those records if we can't seem to break our own? Before I got here, there were many things that others called me, with or without warrant, that is the truth, but I say NO MORE! I refuse to let someone else's words sink in deep enough to change my thinking. I know that truth about who I am and God knows. That is all I care about. I refuse to let others dictate my thinking anymore. I am done living under the names that others have placed over me and required me to live under. No more. I say this so determined because I need to make sure it has sunk in to my head and heart as well. No more will I let others names for me, dictate my actions. If you think I am bad at something, keep it to yourself and instead of sharing it, pray that God changes that in me. Lets try that, instead of talking about how awful a person is with something or how we think they need to do it another way, lets pray that God helps that person do it HIS WAY. I will tell you, as you do that, things for you will change as well. I am just so grateful to have learned this and to be able to help others change what they replay in their heads. I want what God says about me, to be the only words on replay in my head. No longer will I allow the records of who I once was to replay. Those days are dead and gone, and so is that person. I pray that you hear my heart and that you find freedom in this too. Remember you become more like who you choose to listen to.

Thanks

2011-10-24T17:34:00.001-07:00

I am so blown away at the way that God has changed me and I have only been here for 5 weeks. I am so blessed and excited to see what is coming next. I know that He has so much for me in this short time while I am here and what He wants to teach me before I return home different than when I left. I am glad to say that He isn't done with me yet either. He has taught me already how to hear His voice more clearly and how to trust in Him alone. I know that God has things to show me here that will help me for the rest of my life. Thank you Lord for your favor and your rich blessings Thank you Lord for your love and your grace. Thank you Lord that You choose to use a sinner saved by Grace like me. Thank you Lord that I am here because this is where Your presence for me is. Thank you that YOU have brought me to a place of still waters and rest. Thank you Lord that your mercies are new every morning and that I get to have the privilege of knowing you so magnificently in my life. Thank you for new adventures and new lessons. I am so blessed that I get to be here while you change me. May I carry this with me for the rest of my life. AMEN!!!

God can even use roaches

2011-10-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

I share this with you so that you can understand what God is doing to change me and make me live outside of my feelings and circumstances. The place I live is wonderful, it is full of love, joy, laughter about jokes we have had being altogether, but then when the night comes and everyone goes to sleep, it gets quiet and other things happen. Now coming from a household where roaches are the enemy and my parents and now my brother in law go on roach hunts, I now live in a place where roaches reside. Now please understand that this isn't a complaining post by me, it is something God is changing in me and teaching me through these small creatures. The other night, after a great night of fellowship and the word at our evening service, I believe God had a job for me to do and so reluctantly I learned and hopefully passed the test. I went to bed feeling tired from the day and as I laid down with in 20 minutes I was awaken by a roach in my room, running around and trying to get to me in my bed. I will tell you that when you are trying to sleep and they are rustling things near your head it is a bit hard to sleep, besides God clearly wanted me to be awake. Now stay with me on this for a second, God used this roach to teach me a HUGE lesson and so I want you to see that, to me THAT is the bottom line. No matter what God uses the bottom line is that He has a lesson for me. OK, so I am sitting in my bed, asking God what He wants me to do. He tells me to just pray in the Spirit. As I begin to pray in the Spirit, the noise quiets. So I lay down and try to sleep, well the noise starts again and I get frustrated. I then hear the little boy who has been sick in our house begin to cry, and then I begin to pray and silence begins again. So I lay back down and you guessed it, this cycle of first the roach, then crying, then praying, then peace, and I lay down. But nevertheless it happens again. This cycle happened until 5 am in the morning. As I prayed and tried to hear God through all of this, a few things happened. First, I prayed against distraction and God allowed my prayer to be answered, then I prayed for the people God laid on my heart. See during the day that day, God asked me to fast. I obeyed and then all of these things happened. I believe that I attracted the attention of the enemy when I fasted so during the dark hours when I was hungry and tired, God asked me to fast for another 3 days. So I obliged and continued to pray. The thing is, that I believe that when I prayed that night, I believe that God broke something for me. I believe that although it was rough God allowed me to experience something that He has desired from me for a while. That is the clear obedience about fasting and doing it because it truly breaks things in the spirit world. See I find it interesting that roaches love darkness, they scatter when light shows up, they hide in the darkness and desire not to be seen. Has anyone ever noticed that? They don't come out and say HI when the lights are on, they wait until no one can see them and then make their appearance. It sounds a lot like the enemy, a lot like how he operates. He comes out when we aren't prepared, when we are spiritually sleeping, when we are spiritually in the dark and then God shines His magnificent light and the enemy scatters. This may seem weird or funny to you, but I hope you see what God showed me. There was something in the night that the enemy wanted from me, and God in all His wisdom kept me awake from allowing the enemy to win. I believe that God used that roach to keep me up, so that I would do what was hard and what my flesh didn't want me to do. I told Mele the next day and she went through my room and sprayed. Nothing was in there but let me just say, Thursday night when I went to bed, I heard another roach come in to my room to try and cause another sleepless night for me. I began to pray again and just let go of my flesh wanting to sleep but this time, the roach ran into part of my room, fell over and died. I watched it with my own eyes and that is when I knew something had changed. I knew that God had changed the game at that point and that the things I was praying for would be accomplished. I knew that I was heard by my loving God and that He desired to change things for me as well. I am so glad that God has a sense of humor and that He infinitely knows what is best for us. I am so glad His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are higher than my ways. Praise the Lord.

Luke 5:33-6:5

2011-10-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

I know I have been sharing my experiences with you and yet this morning, I feel like I need to share with you what God showed me during my time with Him this morning. Its Luke 5:33-6:5, It talks about the religious leaders asking Jesus about fasting and then the disciples picking wheat on the Sabbath. If you haven't read it, please take the time to read it so you get a sense of what I am talking about. Jesus was talking to the religious leaders about fasting and they couldn't understand how come His disciples didn't fast and pray. Then He spoke of the parable of the old wine skins and the new wine skins. I have read this portion of scripture many times in church and things and yet today I caught something new. Jesus was telling the old religious leaders that they were so set in their ways that the new ideas Jesus taught they wouldn't understand because of their rigid thinking. And then it goes on to talk about the Disciples picking wheat on the Sabbath. And again he shared with the religious leaders that their way of thinking was old and lawful that they couldn't accept what Jesus came to this earth for. He brought up David when he and his men were hungry and at the consecrated bread that was meant for only the priests. By comparing Himself and His disciples to David and his men, Jesus was saying, "If you condemn me, then you also condemn David." I love the last statement that Jesus makes. "The Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath." He was showing them again that the Creator was greater than the creation and that He may have a different way of doing things, are we willing to conform to His way instead of our own. I began to think about how many times we get that way with Jesus. How many times do we say, "God it isn't supposed to go like that, it should be this way." I am guilty of it too. We tend to think that what we have been doing for so long has worked that it is what is best, but family, that isn't always the case. We need to come to terms with the fact that we could have it all wrong. We could be worshipping wrong, in John chapter 4 it talks about worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth, I know I don't always do that, how about you? What if we are doing church wrong, or ministering wrong? Are we willing to sit, wait and listen to the Lord about how to do it His way? Or are we so set in our old ways, that God can't come in and create something new because we are old used wineskins that aren't pliable and can't expand with the new thing God is doing? Or are we ready for God to come in and do a new thing because we are like the new wine skins or we are like the Disciples and can eat the grain because the Sabbath was made to serve us, not us to the Sabbath. Lord, Please change us and allow us to be flexible in EVERYTHING we do. Allow us to be clay in your hands so that you can mold us and make us more like you. Please allow us not to get comfortable in our own ways that we forget to stay pliable. AMEN!! I desire to be more flexible and willing to look at myself when I get a bit rigid and set in my ways. I want to be like that new wine skin.

Sharing with Youth

2011-10-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

I was honored when I was asked to speak to the youth of Tonga Faith Church (the Church I attend) and to share with them last Friday night. I prayed and God spoke through me about Extraordinary people who all had one thing in common, Obedience. I shared with them about Joseph, Esther, Samuel and Jesus Himself and how they were all obedient to God's calling and the plan He had set before each of them. I was shared that each of them had a choice and they had an opportunity to be obedient, even if it cost them their lives. And for Jesus I shared that He was obedient even unto death. I shared a little of my testimony and that I chose to be obedient when the Lord called me out of my prison almost 6 years ago now. Like it says in 1 Samuel 15:22-"Obedience is better than sacrifice," and sometimes Obedience IS our sacrifice. That isn't always the case but sometimes it is. We need to recognize that there are moments when we obey the word of the Lord and He honors that AS our sacrifice. I wanted them to understand that the people in the bible weren't necessarily special on their own but God could use them as He chose when they decided to be obedient to His call. I love that Samuel was obedient even as a little child. I love that and I want that for my children, I want them to be obedient to the voice of the Lord at a young age. I want them to recognize it and honor His words. When I was about 4 or 5 years old I remember being in my room after my parents have put me into bed and sitting there talking to God about what He wanted me to do in my life. I remember that my mom would always tell me stories about me and how I had behaved during the day, but there was always a point in her story when God would whisper to Pickany (that was the name I picked for myself) "Pickany? Pickany?" and then proceed to tell me what I needed to hear, but I love that whether my mom knew it or not, she would remind me that God would call my name and let me know that I had broken His heart about something. I will never forget that because she made me more aware of the fact that God truly speaks to us. We just have to be willing to listen and then act upon His word. Ask God what you can be obedient about today? Or Ask if you can be better at obedience in an area that you have tried yourself and failed. He will whisper your name too and share with you His heart if you let Him. Ask God and let that be your first act of obedience!

'Oholei Beach

2011-10-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

'Oholei Beach is a place that I went to last Wednesday night and had a great time. Its dinner and a show. I went with the girls that I go into the schools with and teach the bible to High School, Jr. High, and elementary schools. This place has an amazing presence of God that rests upon it because the Gospel message is preached every time they pray over dinner. It is just such a huge blessing to be in a place that declares biblical principals to people visiting from everywhere. I was so blessed to be there and experience that. The owner is an undercover minister, and preaches like it too. He loves the Lord and honors God with his work. It is pretty amazing place to go to. They have all different kinds of Tongan food there, fish which I didn't eat but then they have the suckling pig, and potatoes and this great dessert. Then we got to watch a show. It was incredible. I have videos and things that I will upload when I get back home because of the internet here but it was pretty incredible. They even had fire dancers who didn't even know how to fire dance when they started they just learned and are great at it. I was amazed at them. God has really blessed this place and I was so excited to go, I am going to go with the family I am staying with this friday night. It is really amazing. I want to make sure that I share with you some of the cool places that are here in Tonga too that are tourist spots. There aren't a whole lot but the ones they have here on this island are pretty amazing.

Cleansing Wind

2011-10-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today I am sitting here at the station writing, looking out the door at the beauty God has created and watching the wind swirl around. I am so excited about the season that is coming, not just in the spiritual but in the physical. I get to experience something here in Tonga that I don't get to experience in Southern California. Warm weather and something maybe scary to you, but cyclone season is coming. I am so sure that to you, I sound crazy. CYCLONE Season?!?!? But I love wind and the power it has to make things new in a different way than any rain can ever do. I know that it can be scary and it can do damage to things differently, but at least in my life, there is something that changes in me with the wind. I am watching the trees rustle and the grass wave as the wind blows and I can just see God moving in through wind. I can feel the gentle kiss of breeze on my skin and know that somehow change is coming, whether in me or around me, change is coming. I guess I like the calm feeling of knowing that God is big enough to calm the wind with just a word, or He can give me peace in the midst of the wind. Either way, it is what He desires for me, either way it is His way that makes me at rest. I love the gentleness of a breeze to come and clean the air. There is a joy inside my soul that knows that this is the winds of change coming and clearing away the things that may hinder my mind from being completely present in this time and God is allowing change to happen. I am so blessed to just know that God sees my heart and even before I speak something, He has already answered it. Although rain cleanses and clears a path sometimes that we need, Wind can come in and make something so clean and just like when the Red Sea was parted, the Israelites walked on Dry Land, when the winds come, we can too walk on Dry Land. Thank you Lord for the wind that comes and can make things new by your will. I love you Jesus!!!

Small blessings

2011-10-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

I went to a Fijian church service yesterday and that was such a cool experience for me. I got to see them sing, dance and just share their talents with us. I was blessed to be able to be there and to witness Jesus in other nations too. I am just blown away at the love that these people have not just for each other but for the Lord. I took videos and things from the service yesterday that I will share once I get home but I wanted to share about what God showed me there. I was sitting in the audience enjoying how amazing God is and how He created us all so different and yet similar on so many levels. While listening to the pastor, I turned around and saw some girls that I recognized from the church I have been attending. It was so nice to see familiar faces in the midst of a crowd of people I didn't know. They are the youth of that church who sing and are apart of the worship team, so I got to talk with them and hang out with them after the service when they had the food. It was just such a cool thing to have them there and to not feel like a total stranger to everyone. It is funny how God orchestrates those things little by little to make it better for me and to show me that He has a plan for my time here. They said they were so sad that I was leaving so soon. I was shocked that they wanted me to stay here longer, that was a nice feeling to know that my time here is seeming to get better and better. I was sitting with my Tongan family last night and while we were laughing and just enjoying the time together, I got a little sad to know that I wouldn't always be here to see them everyday. Its so funny how determining that you are going to stick it out and make the best of it, can change your attitude and outlook on your circumstances. I was just so blessed by this little truth today that I wanted to share it with you. God WILL change your attitude and outlook if you let Him. I pray you have a blessed day!

Schools in Tonga

2011-10-08T05:28:00.001-07:00

I got to go to the elementary school on Friday and share with them about Jesus in their bible class. I had about 35 kids in one class and it was just me. I was nervous, I wanted to say the right thing and talk to them about something that was relatable to them, so I shared a little about me and then asked them some questions. I had them lead some songs so that we could dance around a bit and then get serious into the bible. I wanted to make sure I shared the Gospel with them so I did what I knew to do best, fly by the seat of my pants, and share Jesus with them. I asked them questions about what they knew about the bible and then talked about Jesus' life. I had them close their eyes and I walked them through what a barn smelled like, and I described what it could have been like where Jesus was born. I explained to them that this was a gross and unhealthy place for a baby to be born and yet allowed them to connect it. See here in Tonga they have a monarchy. They know what it is like to have a King live and rule them, they know what honor a King holds and so to ask them to imagine the King that they have now, being born in a barn like that, was that a nice place? I just tried to give them a tangible picture of what Jesus, the King of Kings was born into and yet He did it for us. They thought that was pretty cool and so then asked them to walk with me through the life of Jesus. I wanted them to help me know where their knowledge was so I just kept talking about Jesus and shared with them about the cross and raising from the dead. I got to pray the sinners prayer with them. Man, I was so blessed to be given that opportunity to share with them and to know that they heard me. I told them that I would be here until December and that if they wanted to talk or anything that I would be here. I just want them to see someone who isn't from here coming and loving them. I was so blessed at how smart and knowledgeable they are about the bible. The only thing I need to remember for next time is to have candy ready for when they answer the questions. I talked with a girl after and she shared that she is preparing to be a missionary too and how hard it is. She is only 10 years old and knows what it takes to share Jesus. She knows it isn't easy and she was so sweet in how she just wants others to know Jesus. I am excited to be able to go back and see these kids again. Whether I teach that class again or not, I don't know but at least they know that I told them about Jesus and that He can save them. Please pray for the kids at this school because I pray that they grasp who Jesus is, they are the next generation. Have a blessed day!

In the desert

2011-10-07T04:02:00.001-07:00

I have been reading through the life of Jesus and reading through Luke and the first parts of Matthew. I love comparing what is written and seeing it from so many points of view and to learn about it on different levels. I am in Luke 4 right now where Jesus was being tempted by Satan and where he was when this happened. Man, I feel like I can relate to where Jesus was and how He was feeling. But the interesting part of this chapter my commentary pointed out was that, Jesus had one of the best days thus far in His earthly life, He had just been baptized and the Holy Spirit came upon Him. WOW! That is so cool, and then the Holy Spirit led Him into the Desert. Is that what you read too? He lead Him into the DESERT?!?! Why when Jesus had one of the best days, did the Holy Spirit, apart of God, apart of Jesus, lead Him there? Well the commentary mentioned, which I thought was so cool, was that more often than not, the Holy Spirit leads us into the desert to let us know what we are made of. The Holy Spirit didn't lead Him beside still waters, He lead into the desert, I know that doesn't seem right but look at what happened. Jesus was tempted 3 times by Satan, and the best part isn't just that Jesus didn't sin, which is HUGE, but that Jesus let Satan do that. He quoted scripture back at Satan and then began His ministry. I believe that sometimes WE need to know what we are made of, and I sure what to be like Job and be pure gold. Willy told me something yesterday that I didn't know about how gold is made. The goldsmith boils the gold until it is at the highest temperature and the way he knows it is done is that he can see his own reflection in the gold. WOW, that is what Job meant by being pure gold, that no impurity, blemish or flaw is left, just the reflection of the goldsmith. That is what I want to be, just a pure reflection of Jesus. (Thanks Willy for the cool fact) I want to be that way, I want to be JUST a reflection of who Jesus is, that is all I desire. So that nothing of me is left or recognizable but just the reflection on Jesus. WOW! I thought that was cool. I want to make sure that I am seeking Jesus because it says seek Me while I may be found. I want to make sure that my life is seeking Him and finding Him in the midst of my trials, because even though it says that Jesus was left alone in the desert, we are promised that He won't ever leave us. I hold onto that promise everyday! I read this yesterday and I will leave you with this quote: "Go back into the word of God and consider how thirsty the friends of God were for God Himself! The great difference between us and Abraham, David and Paul is that they sought Him and found Him and seeking Him still, found Him and sought Him-continyally! We accept Him-and seek Him no more and that is the difference." (The Tozer Pulpit, Book 8, p. 85) -Thanks Brian for the book, you will get it back, I promise!

Spiritual and Physical Collide

2011-10-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

I am not sure you find this to be true but I do, at times the Lord is moving I see that the weather reflects the spiritual out pouring of the spirit. Yesterday I had been listening to this song by Jesus Culture, it talks about rain and letting it rain. I am so amazed that last night it poured and rained the better part of the evening and the picture above is what is left. It just shows the difference in even just places because last night on the news the Anchor was talking about how Samoa and a couple other islands are in a drought. They can't get water and are in desperate need, yet God literally opened up the floodgates of Heaven last night and poured out rain here. I am not sure why God is doing this there in the Islands but I know it has a purpose. I hope that you and I can pray for those islands. Not having rain in a long time for them is so different because that just doesn't seem to happen in the Islands but I am sure God has His reasons. I pray that the Lord will unleash rain in your life. I pray that He will allow the dry season that you may be having in you life with Him come to an end and that rain would come forth. I want to leave you with the words and a link to this song so that you can ask God to bring rain, spring rain in your life.

"Let it rain"-Jesus Culture

"Let it rain, let it rain.
Open the floodgates of Heaven.

I feel The rains of your Love,
I feel The winds of your Spirit .
And now the heartbeat of heaven,
Let us here(x2)

Let it rain,
Let it rain.
Open the flood gates of heaven,
Let it rain,
Let it rain.
Open the flood gates of heaven,
Let it rain,
Let it rain."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d57JHbxxcow&feature=player_detailpage

Raw and Honest

2011-10-05T03:09:00.000-07:00

I have to say that the past two weeks here have been hard, sticky, tearful, struggled through and fought for A LOT! I have felt beat up and knocked around more than I can even count. I have needed a major attitude adjustment and I think I have finally come to grips with the fact that this is my life for the next two months. I feel like I need to give you a real sense of life in the Islands. The food is different and maybe not as clean as we are used to, the roads have potholes, it rains a lot, trash gets burned, dogs run wild, and yet it is BEAUTIFUL! I don't say these things in a bad way, but I say them to give you an idea of what the environment is like. I knew it would be hard, spiritual warfare would RAGE, that my soul would be challenged daily but today I feel better for the battle. It wasn't that I was away from home or that I miss everyone, which I do but I know I am here for a purpose so that was the easy part. The part that was hard was allowing my mind to catch up to the reality of where I am. I haven't really been hungry, I have been so scared of getting sick that I have let that rule me, I have been so caught up with the records that I have had playing in my head for so long, that I just couldn't relax and take it all in. I am here and now more than ever I feel like my attitude has caught up with my purpose. Please don't mistake my words, it is still hard and I will still struggle but I believe that me being here is Gods BEST for my life and I only what His best!

I was presented with the option to go back to Auckland where it would be easier and where it would be more comfortable to live, and turned it down. My visa may not be extended and my plane ticket may be more than I paid for it so that would be my option to just go back and do something different. You may think I am crazy for this, but honestly I feel like I have more freedom than ever before. God doesn't want me to choose the easy way, He doesn't want me to go the way of more travel, He and I both want me to take the road less traveled it may be harder to find because it isn't traveled as often, but I KNOW that it is exactly where God wants me, so all the stuff that may get in the way for me to stay here in Tonga I believe God will move those mountains and I will get to stay. I trust God to make a way, where there seems to be no way.

I shared with you that God spoke to me on my trip back from the discipleship class on Tuesday night, well part of what He said to me was that I needed to stay, to push through the next couple of days by staying close to Him and in His word that He has BIG things for me to do here but I needed to be obedient. I needed to read His word, and write it down like it talks about making plain what God has spoken. I did that and then His words the next morning jumped out at me, my bible fell open to Hosea 6: 1-3,
“Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
   but he will heal us;
he has injured us
   but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
   on the third day he will restore us,
   that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
   let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
   he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
   like the spring rains that water the earth.”

You can imagine the joy that filled my heart when I read this and that God is going to do a new thing in me. I am blessed to start this new adventure with a new outlook and attitude. I feel like all the ways of my thinking God wanted to change. He needed to start with me and He needed to make sure that I was willing to stick it out. I choose a better attitude and I choose obedience. Lord, please help me to continue on with being obedient and willing to take the hard way so that maybe for someone else it will be a little easier. I want you to know that after this choice was made in me last night and I went home to hang with the family I am staying with, we were watching Rugby and Willy jumps up, and starts yelling in Tongan. He picks something up and starts to hit something on the ground. I jump back on the couch and there is a centipede sitting there ALIVE! He starts to hit it and then his brother gets a shoe, they push it outside and then kill it out there. WOW, God is really testing my strength of mind and then I felt the Lord remind me that He is my protector and He is my Lord. It may come to the right and to the left, but it shall not come near me, like what God said to David in the Psalm. I pray you see that God is bigger than your circumstances and that God has a way, you just have to give him room! Ask God what He wants from you in the next two days.

Testimony=God's Filling of His own kind

2011-10-04T14:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to our discipleship class that is held in a home on another part of the island. We arrived early and as I walked in, the family whose house I was in had something getting set up for me. I felt so honored. I was greeted with fruits, coconut juice strait from the coconut and a beautiful flower necklace. I was so humbled and taken with this amazing display of love and honor they gave to me. I am nothing and no one special without MY JESUS to go before me. I am not someone who wants to think that I am better than I am. I want to always be mindful that I am DUST and if the Lord wasn't please with me, He could take my life in a second. I am not worthy of being in a place of honor, ONLY God is worthy of that and I give Him all the praise for His amazing love.

I got to share a bit about me and how I came to this place. I shared how at 6 years old told the Lord if He wanted me to GO I would GO, bags packed and all. I shared about where I came from and that I struggled and wrestled with God just like they do. I told them that God loves them enough so send someone to encourage them, even if it is all the way from America. I was just so blessed by them and then they came up and shared with me too how they understand and that they want to be used by God too. Then the best part came on the way home.

I am not sure if a lot of you know, but this has been a real readjusting for me and I have been sick in the middle of it and just trying to figure out where I fit. I let go of everything last night and while driving back to the house I am staying at, God spoke, He spoke big to me. I have so needed that and missed that. I know He shared His heart and plans for certain things with me, and then He had me read a few verses to confirm what He was speaking. I have to say it wasn't until this morning that He truly confirmed ALL that He was saying. I am blessed by God and I hope that in your life, you take a leap of faith and go out on a limb to get ALL God has for you. He is waiting to share BIG things with you and I know that He wants you to share so that He can fill you. I encourage you to share your testimony with others because then God can fill you with something NEW!

'Ikale Tahi (Rubgy Team meaning Sea Eagle)

2011-10-03T17:06:00.000-07:00

I am honored to be in a country that honors God, even if they don't realize it. If you take a look at their flag it is red because of the blood of Jesus and white because of the cleansing power of Christ's blood. I just love that. I want to share with you something that I have come to love about this country and it isn't what you think, it is a new sport that I am learning and starting to really love. RUBGY! Its awesome! Its like watching Soccer, Hockey (for the fights) and American Football. I love this game. I am not sure if you have watched Rugby or anything like that but when the Pacific Island teams play, before engaging in the game, they do a traditional war dance native to their country. Such as, New Zealand who do what they call the "haka" which is used to try and intimidate the other team. I am learning so much about all of these things that I have enjoyed and watched for so long. I learned that New Zealand and even Samoa some of the war dances are involving witchcraft. I still love watching them, because they look so cool and they have no power over me because of who I AM in Christ. The difference with Tonga is that when they do their war dance, it is reciting scripture and letting the other team know that they are redeemed. I am just so amazed at this and I am blessed to be here. God has brought me here for a purpose and goal. I see how proud they are to live here in this country and how blessed they are as they honor the Lord. Now I know not everyone here knows Jesus intimately but there is a presence of God that rests here, which I haven't often seen in even some of our churches. I am blessed by these people. Yesterday the Rugby team came home and there was a big parade and all on the main street. I was so privileged to be apart of it, I will try to upload a video I took of it but the internet isn't great here so I may not get to for a bit. But the picture gives you an idea of the excitement. Have a blessed day!

This is your life

2011-10-02T14:22:00.001-07:00

"Don't close your eyes,
Are you who you wanna be?
Is it everything you dreamed that it would be,
When the world was younger,
and you had everything to loose."This is your life-Switchfoot

Those are some powerful words, when I needed God to shine His truth and light to me, He did through this song. I have been sick with my allergies and congestion pretty much since I walked off the plane, but I want you to know that God has totally used this to humble me and let me rely more completely on Him. I have been really under the weather for a few days and it has been really difficult to cope with that when my family is far away. BUT don't you know that God is faithful to give you exactly what you need at the right time. He gave me a loving kick in the butt and yet let me cry it out. These past few days have made me reflect even more on this song than I ever have before. I love this song and I have listened to it for years. Don't you know that God will reveal something new to you, just when you need it and when you feel as though you want to throw in the towel. God has a wonderful way of not letting you do that. Then yesterday, one of the sermons I listened to was about attitudes and how that can change everything for you. I reflected on the things God was trying to show me and I decided that my attitude needed adjusting. I wanted to make sure that my first act of attitude adjusting was to be THANKFUL in EVERYTHING! I thanked God for everything He has done for me that I never deserved. I was up all night coughing and so I continued to Thank Him. I am just grateful that no matter what happens, I am learning how to be more like Jesus, have attributes that others can see Jesus through. I am blessed to know that even in my aliment Jesus is teaching me how to be more like Him. That is what I want my life to look like and that is what I want it to be about. I want to look back on this trip and answer "YES!" when I read those words that Switchfoot says. I want to know that I am who I wanted to be and that I am proud to say that. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,"-Ephesians 3:20

Loving each other better

2011-09-28T01:46:00.000-07:00

I love that this is like a journal that I can keep and go back to every once in a while and see how amazing this trip has already been for me. I am blessed to see how receptive people are to me and how they all desire to have me come back and be apart of what they are doing. I am so blessed. Man, we could take a lesson from these people. They LOVE me without question, hesitation, suspicion and all the other things that us as westerners allow to get in the way of us caring for others. Whether it be mistrust, hurt, protection of the REAL us, or whatever the case may be, I know that we could take a lesson in love. It even is shown in the way they greet each other. They kiss the cheek of someone who they don't even know, just to greet them, I think we have gotten so far away from that and it makes me sad. I know that I wasn't raised in the polynesian culture, but I have it within me to be that kind of a person to others. Someone who loves boundlessly, freely, fearlessly, recklessly abandon my inadequacies and LOVE unconditionally. This has been a challenge this past summer because there were times I did NOT want to love people. There were times I just wanted to go and do my own thing, and allow the hurt to take over, but that isn't what God has called us to do. He calls us to LOVE, Especially when it hurts. He was the perfect example of that when He decided to go to the Cross and give up His life for us. What makes us so sure that we are better than that, that when we are hurt we don't have to love? What makes me think that I am better than Jesus and I don't deserve to be treated a certain way? What is it that has taught me that I am not deserving of death and hell? Honestly, I think when we get hurt we react and don't just let it sink in and just LOVE through it. I am not sure what it is that makes me think that, but I know that I want to try and change that. I know that I want to respond to things the way Jesus did and I want to learn how to love MORE LIKE BREATHING while I am here. Dear Lord, Please allow us to truly embrace each other and LOVE others better. I know that you can change us from the inside out, so that is my prayer. Please allow us to love unconditionally, fearlessly, and with Reckless Abandon. We Love you!!! So today my challenge is, if you have someone or people that need your love. JUST LOVE! No holding back, no question, and no reservation. We can all do that better.

What an example

2011-09-27T05:36:00.000-07:00

I love that being here has encouraged me to make sure that I am in my word and make sure I am prayed up. Not necessarily because trials but because of the love that the people here, have for the Lord and they want to talk about God at all times. If you aren't one who is ready in season and out of season and want to be, you should think about coming here and spending some time with the people here. I have been asked to share at a small group and to share in the family devotions that we have nightly before the kids go to be, at the house I am staying at. I LOVE this family and I pray that I can be a blessing to them as much as they are to me. One of my new friends here is named Sia and everyday she just desires to be with her Jesus and to talk about Him all day, all the time. WOW!!! What an example to have in my life, she is amazing and she just desires to let others know about how wonderful her Jesus is. I am seriously floored at the passion, devotion, desire, and love these people have for Our Amazing Savior. They have the true faith that will move mountains. I am so blessed to know that I am in a safe place where the word of God is spoken freely. Almost more than in America. I can't believe I get the chance to see this first hand. God is just so faithful to His people and I am truly speechless before My Holy God. I want to be that kind of example to others, of just how speechless I AM because of Jesus. I pray this touches you to pray not only for me, but for the people here in Tonga to love each other fearlessly. I know that I am here to experience a deeper walk with MY Jesus and to see His faithfulness in another land. I will do my best to put into words, the amazing things God does for me, through me, and around me everyday. Know that God is at work here in the Kingdom of Tonga greatly.

First ON-AIR Radio Program

2011-09-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

So I have officially been on the RADIO!!! Hahahaha!!! It was amazing, last night I was given the opportunity to share my testimony on the radio station here and I was truly blessed and blown away by the reality of what has happened in my life. I shared why I am here and the Host she asked me if I realized what I left to come here. I explained that when God calls, it doesn't matter what you have to leave, if you want to have a deeper walk with God, then you will do what HE has asked of you. I know that God has a plan and that no matter what, I am here to share the saving love of Jesus. I am so blessed that God has chosen someone like me. I am grateful to be available and used by the Lord. This has been such an amazing opportunity already and I am just a week into it. I can't wait to see what God is going to do during this time. The Host that I worked with last night is a teacher at the High School and she is single and around my age so it has been great to get to know her and to talk to her about what God is doing. I can see that as things are shared between us, God moves, and He moves mightily. I know that God's presence is here like I haven't felt in a very long time. I am so blessed that God has me here and able to be apart of a people who truly seek after God. I was talking to the Host last night shared with me that as I spoke about taking our youth to Skid Row, and how rough it is there, she shared with me that if things are like that in America, they have NOTHING to complain about. WOW!!! I was floored. She said that there is nothing for her to complain about and that she wants to be more grateful. I sat there speechless. I have just been so amazed at what the Lord has done so far. I wait with expectancy to see what else the Lord will do. Thank you for your prayers to share BOLDLY the great grace of the Gospel. I pray that these words bring you encouragement and fill your souls as this has filled mine, until next time.

First days in Tonga

2011-09-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

I am finally HERE, the place my heart has longed for, the place I have missed and never been to. I am sitting in the office of the radio station I will primarily be working with and staying near. It has already been such a blessing to be here with a warm and hospitable people. I am blessed to know that no matter where I am in the world, being with believers is always home.

Yesterday was my very first service with the Tongan people and I was at home, because the Spirit of the Lord was there. I was asked to get up and share, so that was even more amazing. I cried the entire time because the presence of the Lord was so strong. I walked in to the service and began to cry a bit because I was in the house of the Lord. It was such a blessing and I was so happy to be able to fellowship with others who truly love the Lord. Then after our souls were fed, they had lunch for us. It was amazing. I am learning so many things and I am trying to make sure that I am making myself available for all that God has for me here. I am loving just the ministry opportunities that I am able to have. Tonight will be my first night with the Youth on Fire show that they do here at the radio station. I am so excited to be able to experience the ministry of the youth programs. I am going to be at the radio station daily and then doing discipleship classes Tuesday night through Friday night in different villages throughout the island and then going into schools in the morning on Thursdays and Fridays. I have the opportunity to even get into the jail ministry that they have once a month and maybe a few other things here and there. Most of my next few months will consist of ministry daily and then possibly the chance to see some of the island as well.

The Lord has showed me already that as long as I am close to Him, HE is my family and I won't ever feel alone. The host family I am staying with is amazing and I am blessed to be with them. Please pray for them as well, the Lord graciously provides and I want to make sure I am apart of that. I know that I can't do all that much but I pray that me being here, helping out around the house, and learning them as well as learning me, allows us to be close and that it is a sweet time while I am here. I will tell you more about them and show you some pictures of them later but I will leave you a picture of the view I have from the room I work in. May the Lord bless you and Keep you. May His face shine down upon you. :)

Travel for the better

2011-09-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the airport in Sydney and writing this so that I can keep everyone up to date. After a partly sleepless night, because who can REALLY sleep sitting up in a hard chair, I am now sitting again and waiting for my next flight. I have already learned somethings about myself that I wanted to have as apart of my character, but never could show. I am stronger than I realized. I thought for sure I would break down and cry all the way here, but in fact I have actually gotten more excited. I have realized that I have been prepping for this my whole life. I have ALWAYS wanted to be in this part of the world and I have always had a heart for people who reacted to life the same way I do. I am just to honored and humbled at this realization that I came to. God has ALWAYS had this in His plan and to see it all unfold is incredible. Even just this short time I have been gone has changed relationships for the better, God has freed me from bondages in relationship and given me a clearer perspective. I am so excited to see what I am about to learn, see, experience and be apart of. This past summer for me has been challenging to say the least. God has required me to surrender, to sever, to release, and to stand firm in the things that He has called me to no matter what. I am only here because I past that test and He has allowed me to move on. Things may not be wrapped up in me and tied with a nice little bow, but I don't believe that is what God wants this time. I believe He wants me to FULLY rely on Him no matter what comes my way. I am just so blessed that He knows what I can handle and although it may feel like I am past the point of stretching at times, He is FAITHFUL to show me that I am stronger and able, in His Strength, to walk through the fire. Thank you Lord for showing me that so that I am not just comfortable in my christian life but that I can do the BIG things you have called me to, in YOUR strength. I look forward to this journey and know that you will use me as long as I remain available. Please give me child-like faith for the rest of my life. This may not be the result every time I travel but I know that God is more concerned with His Cause, than my comfort.

Packing

2011-09-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

Sitting here in my room packing all the things that I will need over the next twelve weeks is an interesting duty. How do you pick pieces of your life to take with you? How do you decide which pictures or parts of memories will be needed over the next few months? How do you decide what should go and what should stay? This is hard but I guess its just a form of what we do in our spiritual lives everyday. Someone says something mean to us, we react poorly to a family member, we smile when we think of the ones we love, and the joy that we get from knowing a Savior walks with us. What do we take with us on the road of life and what do we leave behind? What memories of joy and sorrow do we choose to hold on to so that we can be better, and what joys and sorrows make us bitter? How do we choose what to pack in our hearts? I am not writing this because I have an answer, a bible verse or a clever quote by a spiritual mentor in the Faith. I am simply asking because I think we should remember that as we hold onto things that harm us, we carry them into the NEW parts of life, and if we let them go, our baggage seems a bit lighter. So as I sit here and choose to figure out which parts of my life go with me and which parts stay, I will also remember which parts of my attitude, will stay here and which parts will go. Thank you Lord for NEW seasons and the possibility of change. What will you take with you?

WOW...Its Time!!!!

2011-09-16T01:46:00.000-07:00

Well I am so excited to say that the time has come for me to begin on my new adventure. I am so excited and yet a little nervous. I know this is what God wants me to do, as I type this, I remember back to the night that I found Pacific Partners online and that first email to Graham. I am so excited and I just know that God has such an amazing plan in all of this. I am asking that as you read this you will keep me in prayer. I know that I need to make sure that I am continually attentive to the voice of the Lord. I am stepping out in faith and heading in an unfamiliar direction. I know this time isn't going to be easy being away but I know that it is so important for me to go. This will be my platform to stay in touch with everyone and I am just so excited to see what God is going to do and how He is going to do this. Thank you for your love, prayers and support. Please feel free to email me and I will make sure to return them upon receipt. May Jesus bless your day!

A listening ear

2011-05-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

The other day I was under a bit of stress and confusion about a few things. It was really interesting at how God totally took the situation and redirected my focus back on Him. I am so excited to see how God speaks, when I am willing to turn my ear to Him. I love that God desires my attention and He will do WHATEVER it takes to get to my heart. I love that God loves me that much that He desires my undivided attention. So when I decided to listen He spoke VERY clearly. I was supposed to go and visit my sister and her family, but plans got changed and so in that very moment I had a choice to make. I could get really upset, which really had no warrant, or I could choose joy and realize that God had something else for me to do that night. I made myself available to God and He made things incredible. I love that God has His way every time. I was sitting there trying to figure out what I needed to read and God spoke again. He asked me to read Habakkuk and since I have not ever read that book all the way through, I was obedient. It was amazing. I suggest that if you haven't read it then you need to read it, but I am not here to talk about that book today. I just want you to see what God is doing in me to prepare me for the journey I am taking. Both spiritually and physically God is training my ear for His voice alone. This has happened before but in a different way and I am so excited to see how this is going to play out. I just want to remind you to make yourself available to God. I want you to remember, like I need to remember, that God is just waiting for me to make myself available. I want to remember that He will do amazing things in me, through me, and for me. BUT I have to be attentive, available, and obedient. Trust me, the listening ear that I have now hasn't always been there. It takes time and more importantly effort on my part and the willingness to be wrong. I choose to make myself available and I choose to be attentive. I hope that you choose to listen too, your life will be changed forever.

One of my FAVORITE phrases...

2011-05-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

...is " I Refuse" because usually I am having to say that to my flesh and my nature. I have to constantly remind myself that I am NOT the same person I was and that I need to make sure that I am hearing God. I have to REFUSE to be afraid like I tend to get at times and I have to REFUSE to give into my flesh. I have to REFUSE to live like I don't have a loving Savior who rescued me and I have to REFUSE to allow the enemies lies to penetrate my heart. I have to REFUSE to put myself first and I have to REFUSE to get distracted by the things of this world. I have to CHOOSE life, I have to CHOOSE joy, I have to CHOOSE peace and I have to CHOOSE to be obedient. So the other day I was in a moment of trying to feel better about something and allowing my flesh to have a bit of control, God spoke very clearly and showed me this song. Before I have you read the lyrics I want you to know that God did this for me and if you allow Him to, He will do it for you too!! This song has become an encouragement to me as I prepare to go to a place that isn't what I am used to but I REFUSE to be disobedient to God's call. So I leave you with this, one of my favorite phrases that God made into a song...

I Refuse
Songwriters: Benjamin Glover; Joshua David Wilson

Sometimes I
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not

This world needs God
But it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, oh God

So, if You say move
It's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
Show them who You are

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

To stand and watch the weary and lost
Cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back
And try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged
To wait another day, to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I refuse
I refuse

Longing for things that are unfamiliar

2011-05-03T11:16:00.001-07:00

This morning I started to read Romans, I can already tell this is going to be slow going in that I have 4 bibles, 2 different translations but each has different commentaries on the verses I read as well as a book to help me understand each book in the bible. I chose Romans because it is the most basic in the whole truth of the Gospel. I am just blown away by the things Paul has said and I am only through the first few verses. I have been reading for about two hours and yes only the first few verses but part of that was getting all the back ground of a new book. But really what I want to focus on is the amazing heart Paul had for the people of Rome. Yes he was a Roman citizen and yes he knew many people in Rome, but when the Jews, they believe, came back from Pentecost started a church and allowed the Gentiles to be apart, they received flack from the other Jews who had not yet converted. I just love Paul's heart though because he longed to be with them. He desired for them to know the Gospel and to know the truth. He desired to go to Rome and see the people. He loved them and longed for them, without having even met them. Seems like a weird thing to long for people we don't know. I mean we all know what it is like to long for someone we love, a parent, friend, significant other, and HEAVEN but to long for someone we have never met seems a bit odd. I understand how he felt though, I long for a place even now that isn't my heavenly home, I long for a people who understand what it means to be family without having the same blood running through your veins. A people who understand that Jesus is what makes us family and who love people enough to give what they have away for someone else's comfort. I realize not everyone is like that and that sin can still corrupt even without the prodding of the Western World, but nonetheless I know that God has placed these people specifically in my heart and placed a deep longing to be with them for a special purpose that I may never even understand. I see that Paul in his longing for these people was clear about how he loved them because of who Christ was and how he bound them together in spirit. I love that even though it has been over thousands of years that Paul wrote this letter to the Romans, we can still relate to it and still grasp new truths. Ask God today to show you who you long for that you may not know yet. Is it a husband? A child? A faithful friend? Yes it is possible to long for people you haven't met and yes we all have that longing in us that desires to be filled. Maybe you are trying to fill it with other things. That hole in your heart, that longs for something you may not know, can ONLY be filled with a specific thing has it time. But I challenge you today to ask and seek God if you have that hole in your heart and you aren't sure why. Maybe you need to be open to whatever God is trying to get you to do and know that a lot of times God works outside the box, for OUR benefit and for HIS GLORY!!! I long for Tonga and my foot has never stepped on their soil...what do you long for that is unfamiliar to you?

The heart behind the question

2011-05-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

In the Beth Moore study of David I am doing at church, questions have risen. So I have been seeking out answers and talking about things that my heart tells me. I am in constant discussions about many things but this seems to be one of the common topics and so I went to my source of wisdom and knowledge...MY dad!! He always points me in the right direction and I so appreciate that. I have been faced with the question of, "Was it God's perfect will to have a king in Israel such as David or was that apart of His permissive will because of the people wanting a king and not allowing God to be their king?" Well all I can do is go by scripture and read what it says, ask God to show me, and trust that I may not understand certain things about God and why He does or allows things. So far all this question has done is raised more questions, and honestly the answer is up to God but I bring this up because how many times do we miss the things God wants for us because we haven't made Him OUR KING! The answer I believe is in making Christ King the rest doesn't matter. He came to this earth as King and will return as King, but in the mean time, if we keep Him as our King then we can't miss His will for us. If we are seeking Him everyday and wanting to know Him more and more, then we are doing what He asks of us. We are ALSO doing what we were made for. I know that this may not ever really answer the question about Kingship but if you are more focused on that than Christ, that can be a problem, but if you are so focused on being in His presence and wanting to know Him for Him, then the rest can fade away. Making Christ our King is what the Israelites failed to do and so with that they got an awful King named Saul. If you don't know about King Saul, read 1 and 2 Samuel and the book of 1Kings. I suggest you learn more about him and those who were involved in his life. If you want a separate book to read, read "The tale of three kings" by Gene Edward and you will discover more about yourself and about God's character. I promise it will impact you more than you think. I just want to know that truth and I believe that in these working through processes we will discover what God is trying to say to us. I pray you understand the heart behind the question...

Where you go...I will go!!!

2011-04-26T12:59:00.000-07:00

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” Ruth 1:16&17

Gosh! This is the verse that has been the resonating theme in my life these past few months. Jesus Culture sings about it, so does Chris Tomlin and I am sure many others. But I bring this up because I want you to see something that I am finding out. I have known this all my life but it is more of a reality now that no matter what God wants me to do, I have to choose to be obedient. I am not even just talking about obedience as in I HAVE to refrain from sexual activity until I am married, OR I have to be obedient and be nice to those people. I am not talking about obligatory obedience, that really isn't obedience at all. It is just that, an obligation. BUT what God wants from us is "Joyful Obedience." He wants us to obey Him not just because we want to but because we LOVE HIM! He wants our obedience because that changes us, it makes us more like Him. In 1 Samuel 15:22 it says: "But Samuel replied:

'Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the LORD?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.'"

Now this was in response to King Saul and because King Saul was VERY disobedient to God and did only part of what God wanted and yet caused problems for God's people for hundreds of years after King Saul's horrible and arrogant choice to disobey.

Are you still with me?

Ok so when Samuel says: "To obey is better than sacrifice." That is huge because God wants the obedience to be our sacrifice at times and how many times have we complained about it? I know I have. God wants our sacrifice at times to be that choice of obedience. I bring all of these aspects up because if we are to "Go" then we need to make sure that we are keenly aware of the obedience that is required. It talks about Jesus being obedient unto death in Philippians.

"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:8

I want to be THAT obedient. I want to go if He wants me to go...and that is where Tonga comes in. I know that God has place this country on my heart and so out of obedience I will GO! I leave you with the lyrics to one of the songs that has encouraged me to do what I KNOW God wants from me.

"Where you go I go" -Jesus Culture (Kim Walker)

where you go I go
what you say I say, God
where you pray I pray
where you pray I pray
(repeat)

Verse
Jesus only did
what he saw you do
he would only say
what he heard you speak

he would only move
when he felt you lead
following your heart
following your spirit

how could I expect
to walk without you
when every move that Jesus made
was in surrender

I would not begin
to live without you
for you alone are worthy
and you are always good

you are always good
yeah...

you are always good
always good
always good
yeah, yeah yeah

Chorus

Bridge
though the world sees and soon forgets
we will not forget who you are and what you've done for us,
what you've done for us

Chorus

Bridge

Bridge 2
though the world sees and soon forgets
we will not forget, who you are,
who you are, who you are, yeah
who you are, oh you are my god, you are my god
you are my god, you are my god, you are my god
woah, yeah..

Chorus

SpeakLESS

2011-04-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

So as life has changed in our family with the arrival of Baby Ella, some of the family dynamics have just begun to be magnified. I KNOW that I am not the greatest person to live with and I can totally annoy people because of my kick back attitude. I tend to just rely on Jesus and saying that sometimes to a planner isn't always a smart thing. Now please don't misunderstand what I am trying to say in this. I am not trying to air our dirty laundry or anything like that, but I do want you to feel comfort in this if you have a family like mine. I LOVE my family dearly and I have just come to certain realizations about them. My parents love me and desire me to be the best me I can, and I love them for it, but this can also hurt me because they want to push me to be that person instead of lead me there. My sister and I, growing up didn't get along much, but lately I have truly realized that I was the major problem in that and I am learning how to fix this. I asked the Lord the other day to give me the opportunity to be more like Him and to have a servants heart more and more as I prepare to leave. So when things are brought to me, said to me or discourage me I am trying to see how God has brought this opportunity to love others and to change my heart in this. I am not sure if this is true for you but for me, my family is used a lot in making me more like Christ. Its hard sometimes to separate that out and realize that they don't mean to hurt my feelings or do whatever has gone on but it still happens. I choose to lay down the heartache for the truth. Jesus is making me more and more like Him. I watched the passion of the Christ this weekend and saw how little Jesus said the day He died. I want to be like that. I want to say less in my defense and just be an example of love and grace to people. I want to love more and speak less. I want to take what they say and still love others. The reason I talked about some of the family dynamics because I want you to know that this doesn't come from an easy place for me, but it does come from the right place and so as God shares more of His heart for others with me, I want to share it with you. I DARE you this week to try it. I promise that others will notice your not defending yourself and you are taking their words. I am not saying to hold on to them and use them later. I am telling you to let them go and not respond at all. If you love Jesus, then HE and HE alone is your defense. Nothing more, nothing less. TRY IT!!! It will change your life and others. I will pray that you see what I am getting to see, it may be hard at first BUT try to SpeakLESS!!!

A Labor of Love

2011-04-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

I am currently, as I write this, sitting in a hospital waiting room, my beautiful baby sister is in labor and we are waiting for the miracle of life. But let me tell you that from an outsider looking in, she is not enjoying the process. Her body is doing all the things that it needs to for the miracle of life to happen but I can tell you that it isn't easy and it isn't quick. There is a natural process and you have to walk through all the stages of that process to acquire the end result. There isn't really a way to get the end result of a beautiful baby with out pain and without the mother shedding blood. Whether it be by C-Section or by natural birthing methods, but both of those call for blood shed and some possible pain. Yes this is on my mind since I am sitting here, but it is also on my mind because, not in the same physical way that my sister is walking through this process, but God is walking me through this process spiritually. I am walking through the struggle of allowing God to birth something in me. It is NEVER easy, you have pain, heartbreak, loss of closeness with others and sense of feeling alone because as much as others want to take the pain, they can't walk through this for me. There is something to be said about labor. Not hard work, which labor is that as well, but the intense labor of pain and struggle so that God can birth something new for His kingdom. That is what its about anyway. This labor of dealing with the loss of having to leave family, and now my new niece that isn't even breathing her first breath yet, is painful. Having to wait until the proper time for God to birth this in me is painful. I can feel the labor pains begin and I am still at the beginning. There is a lot more to come. Choosing to allow God to do this through me, in the end, will be worth it all. No matter how hard the process is I choose to walk through this Labor of Love for the purpose of changing lives, including mine. Is God asking you to birth something? Is there a purpose you KNOW you are called to but don't want the pain? Well let me remind you of an amazing characteristic that God allows us, we WON'T remember pain the way it happened but we WILL remember regret and we will remember us aborting a dream that God has given us. So push through the pain, and allow life to take place not just in you, but others as well. Remember that there is nothing like the Cross to put into perspective OUR LABOR OF LOVE!!!!

Stretching isn't just for athletes

2011-04-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say that I haven't ever been stretched this much as I am walking through this season right now and watching God stretch not only me, but those around me. I am so excited and nervous a bit to see what God is going to do but I am sure just by looking at my blog as to what area of the world God has truly place not just on my heart but in it. I have such a love for the people of Tonga and can't wait to join them on their journey's in life. So incase you are unaware as to what God is doing in my life, God has set a DEEP desire for me to take what I can from here and go about 5000 miles across the Pacific Ocean to this amazing little country with 176 islands called Tonga. No I didn't sneeze, The Kingdom of Tonga is an amazing place and I can't wait to be there. I know that this may come as a shock to you but God is daily drawing me to go and show others what God's heart is for them. I am not sure how long I will be there, I have decided that I need to atleast stay a year and learn more about me and find out what God desires of me. I know that this isn't all I was created to do. I just wanted to share this exciting news with you so that you can be in prayer with me and so that you can too rejoice in all that happens. I am just so honored to be used by God and I can't wait to see all that He has for me to do there. I choose to be available to God as much as possible, but that hasn't come at an easy price. I believe that even though I will miss most of the first year in my soon to be born niece's life, that as God begins to stretch me and as I continually leave myself to open and available, God will allow her and I to have an amazing relationship. And even if that doesn't happen, I KNOW that I have to remain open and available to Him. I was created to please God and to give Him Glory. This life is NOT about me, it never has been and it never will be. It is SOULY about what God did for us. I am just so honored that He would even choose to use me. Lord, I give you permission to stretch me and make me EXACTLY who you wanted me to be. Thank you Lord, and please help me with your stretching as I prepare to leave. Help me rely on you more and trust you more than ever before. MAHALO!!!!

Tough Questions need answers too

2011-02-17T01:14:00.000-08:00

I am working more closely with teen than ever before and I love them all so much! They are so inspiring and that is why I am writing this today. As of late, I have had some really interesting conversations and I just pray that maybe this will allow you to understand that we all face the same things, even if they are different circumstances and that we are more alike than we give credit. I had two different conversations today with teenagers and they went something like this: Me: "So how are things going at school and all?"

Teen: "Fine but (blah, blah, blah) is going on I feel like I can only tell you."

Although I am flattered by this gesture, I am seeing a pattern in that we are not allowing this next generation speak because of the things that they are faced with and want to talk about may be too taboo in the church. No one who has gone before this "ME" generation has had to face the constant struggle with technology and finding the balance. I can't tell you how hard it is on a wednesday night it has been at times for the kids to release their phones to us for just 2 hours. I will say at times I am guilty of it too. I just see how hard it is for them to feel this sense of disconnection to the world in a room FULL of people. I am not hear to talk about all that but I bring this up because in the realm of technology comes the media saturated teen who for a boy is faced with the media telling them that the only way to be happy is with money, cars and hot girls. Girls are faced with the fact that if they don't look like the girl on the cover of the latest seventeen magazine, then they aren't pretty enough and NOT worthy of Love. Now we as adults look at that and may chuckle because we know that isn't where your worth comes from, but are we telling the next generation that they could possibly get it wrong if they believe this? Or do we only tell them that they did get it wrong after it is too late? I want to be someone who speaks truth to the teenagers and hopefully prepares them for what they could face, I want them to know how to live and not always have to be fixing the mistakes they already made. You may be asking yourself, how do I do this? Or what makes this crazy girl think they will listen to me? What do I have to say that is so important? Well part of these come from knowing people as individuals, but mostly I believe that we haven't always made ourselves available to be asked the tough questions. I want these kids to ask me ALL the questions they need to and not all of my answers will be throwing scripture at them. You may not like that but I am ok with that and you may have other ideas in how to do this better. I am alright with that too. I just want to make sure that we consider our choices too. I am not an expert, I just love teenagers so much that I will do whatever I can to reach them. I believe that we need to be able to talk about the tough questions and if we don't have an answer for them right away, that we find an answer and share it with them. Let me give you an example: This past weekend we went to a Purity Conference and there were different sessions that we went to where we could all ask questions about sex and purity. It was a place where we talked about things such as internet dangers, Masturbation, sexual healing and many other topics. Our youth decided to go and take these hard to hear classes to know what purity is and why we believe what we believe. Why do we have a tendency to leave it alone all year and then when it comes time, we talk about it? If this is something that they are DAILY faced with, then why is it so TABOO? I am tired of being quiet and I want these kids to know that even if NO ONE else will listen to their questions, I will. I believe that a lot of us feel like that, but I desire not to be a safe christian. I desire not to be a boring, can't do anything outside of church, don't talk about anything but the love of Jesus christian. I want to be like Jesus, and I believe that Jesus pushed the envelope. I believe that Jesus would do whatever it takes to get to the heart of the matter, and I believe that NO subject is too TABOO for us to talk about. Jesus turned over the tables in the temple and healed the sick on the sabbath. He pushed the envelope a lot and I want to live like that. I want to do the unpopular thing so that someone can know Christ. If you have read my post about giving a prostitute a party and if you haven't you should because then you will understand my heart even more about getting in the trenches with people and showing them Jesus. Please don't misunderstand what I am trying to say and think that I think we need to sin to show Jesus to others, Jesus didn't and if I want to be like Him that isn't my heart either, but I believe that we need to do the uncomfortable thing and speak truth about things we all face. The greatest lie that the enemy tells us, besides that he doesn't exist, is that no one else understands how you feel and you are totally alone in this. I don't EVER want someone to feel that way around me. I want them to know that they will at the least get an "I don't know the answer but let me get back to you on that" from me and NOT an awkward stare disappointing look. I want anyone at anytime to ask anything that is on their mind so that they know someone isn't afraid to listen. I challenge you with this today, make yourself available to be asked the awkward, tough questions. Make yourself available to the ones you would normally run from and see what opportunities God gives you. It says in His word that He won't give you more than you can handle so be ready willing and able. I am going to leave you with something I wrote tonight, thinking of being a teenager and some of the emotions I faced.

Walking the way that I have gone for so long

just doesn't feel the same anymore

I need something new

to make me let go of you

time after time I fight it so hard

and now you make me want you

why do you do this to me?

why can't you see what you do?

if you were to raise your hand

it would hurt less than what you are doing right now

I almost wish you would just because at least the pain would heal

how did you get into my heart?

how can I make you see?

what in the world are you asking for now

that requires all of me?

I have told you before and I'll tell you again

I need time and space and not to be friends

I really need this to end

you can't have all of me...

but why is it so wrong?

The reasons why they say

don't hold up anymore.

I want the truth in all of this

and no one wants me to ask it

Music Speaks DEEPER

2010-11-09T16:15:00.000-08:00

I know that I have been sharing alot of music lately, but there is something about it that I believe is used to soothe the soul. It is talked about alot, especially by David in the Old Testiment. Sometimes words don't get conveyed as well unless it is through song. Have you noticed that. You can say anything in mere words and it just may not convey the intensity or the sadness without song. I am sure you are well aware that when a director of a movie wants to prepare you for something that music is played lightly to subconsiously prepare you for what is about to happen. "Jaws" is a good example, you know that when you hear those few notes during the movie that the shark is on the prowl. This goes for anything, same way that your eyes are the doorways to your soul, but I believe it is just as much the ears as it is the eyes, if you don't hear the music to "Jaws" then your heart doesn't begin to race, your pulse increase, and you sit a bit more on the edge of your seat. I think you understand where I am coming from. So if we know the affect that this has on the body and mind, what about the soul. Hear me out for a second, we say that we don't listen to the words or that we don't take in the real meaning of what is being said, but honestly, even if our consciousness isn't paying attention, our soul is. I am not here to bash any music or anything I just want you to think about this concept and take it in, is my soul really taking on the words to this music, even if I don't pay attention? Is that possible? I am not here to tell you what to do or not do, I simply want to raise the question. Recently in a youth bible study I help lead, our youth pastor had the kids watch a video with music to a song playing and the words displayed. He asked them to read the words as the song played out. So they did and to their surprise, most of them knew the words and yet as they read what they actually were, they didn't like the song anymore. I bring this up because I want you to see that this is something that isn't just a surface issue, it is MUCH deeper than that. I just want you to consider next time you reach for the radio button in your car, or reach for your iPod, what are you letting into your soul? The place where God dwells! I am guilty of it too, allowing other things to dwell where only HE is to reside. I don't want you to live by MY convictions, live by your own, be true to them and TRUST in the GOD who LOVES you!!!

Washed by Music

2010-05-13T14:51:00.000-07:00

Ok so I know its been a bit but I wanted you to know that God has sparked some new things in me. I have recently been encouraged to listen to a band that a lot of my friends have been listening to. Si I went to see them live and they were AMAZING! Typically it isn’t my style of music but they are definitely ordained by God. I really like one of the songs that they played at the end of their set. I have been listening to it for weeks. I am a totally addict in regards to this song and I can’t seem to listen to it enough. I want it to penetrate my soul. The other day after listening to it about 5x’s on the way home, Yes I said 5x’s. It finally hit me that he was singing about something that TOTALLY happened in my life. I couldn’t believe it. I realized why I connected with this song. I am so glad. Even now as I write this, it comes up for me to listen to on my iPod. My point in telling you this is that you NEVER know what God will use to continue to heal your past hurts, BE OPEN!!! I was and I totally am blessed because of it. I like when you can not just enjoy a song but truly apply it. Below I have written out the words so you can see. I hope this blesses you!!! Here it is:

"Daddy was a preacher

She was his wife

Just tryin to make the world a little better

You know, shine a light

People started talking

Just to hear their own voice

Those people tried to accuse my father

Said he made the wrong choice

Though it might be painful

You know that time will always tell

Those people have long since gone

My father never failed

Chorus

Even when the rain falls

Even when the flood starts rising

Even when the storm comes

I am washed by the water

Repeat Chorus

Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet

Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me

I won’t never ever let you down

I won’t fall

I won’t fall as long as you’re around me

Chorus

Even when the rain falls

Even when the flood starts rising

Even when the storm comes

I am washed by the water

Repeat Chorus Twice"-Washed by the Water, Needtobreathe

Push your Faith

2010-04-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

”We are to be pitied who content ourselves with so little. God, says He, has infinite treasure to bestow, and we take up with a little sensible devotion, which passes in a moment. Blind as we are, we hinder GOD, and stop the current of His Graces. But when He finds a soul penetrated with a lively faith, He pours into it His graces and favors plentifully: there they flow like a torrent, which, after being forcibly stopped against its ordinary course, when it has found a passage, spreads itself with impetuosity and abundance. Yes, we often stop this torrent by the little value we set upon it. But let us stop it no more; let us enter into ourselves and break down the bank which hinders it. Let us make way for grace’ let us redeem the lost time, for perhaps we have but little left. Death follows us close; let us be well prepared for it: for we die but once; and a miscarriage there is irretrievable. The time presses, there is no room for delay, our souls are at stake. I believe you have taken such effectual measures that you will not be surprised. I commend you for it; it is the one thing necessary. We must, nevertheless, always work at it, because not to advance in the spiritual life is to go back. But those who have the gale of the HOLY SPIRIT go forward even in sleep.” The practice of the Presence of God-Brother Lawerence

This is an amazing book and such a true quote. I hope this blesses you today.

A Holy Moment

2010-04-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

This last weekend, I went on a retreat, the theme was about “Worship”. It was amazing to see the different takes on Worship as a whole and to see other views on it too. The most impressive thing for me is to see that there are a lot of people who didn’t really understand that Worship is very specific and yet all inclusive. They didn’t see that service to God is Worship, that praying was Worship, or that intercession was important and also under the umbrella of Worship. I was surprised to see that this wasn’t considered Worship to some. It was interesting that to others Worship was ONLY what we did on a Sunday Morning and it involves music and singing. Clearly the Bible tells us differently although that is apart of what Worship is, that is NOT its entirety. Ever thought that saying “Thank you Jesus” is Worship? Did you think that you very acknowledgement of Him was the very point of Worship? Did you think that you could be ALONE to Worship? Worth-Ship is where this comes from and I love that at the core of this is truly exalting God and lowering ourselves. That is the simple form and yet the reality of what Worship is. I have been through many seasons and things in my life and my Worship has a tendency to change at times according to where I am at with my walk, although the core of where it comes from remains the same. I have heard it said that you worship what you love, and that if you can’t worship God here on earth, then we aren’t ready for heaven. I want to ALWAYS be ready for heaven. I want to be worshiping God here on earth and then just be in His presence. I knew someone who was gifted with that AMAZING Privilege. His name was Austin. I knew him from my summer cheer camps. One day during the school year my coach called an emergency meeting and told us the news that one of our instructors, Austin died. We were all floored, he had just been out a few months before that at a competition with us and he loved Jesus so much it was UNREAL. He didn’t even go to class some days just to spend time with God. He is definitely an inspiration to me, but he was driving home from something to meet up with his fiancé’ when he was struck by a drunk driver from oncoming traffic. It was a tragedy for all who knew him. A few days after the accident, I believe, Austin’s Pastor was prompted to return to Austin’s car and remove the tape he had been listening to when he died. Based on the time he had been driving and then the time of impact he knew what he was listening to when Austin met his best friend and his maker. It was the song “Eternity”, Austin had been singing about Eternity and then there he was, standing before his Maker. That is how I want to go, unless I get to be one of the privileged to meet him in the clouds. Either way, I hope this gives you a bit more information on worship. I am sure for a while this will be resonating in my soul and it will appear on these pages. Get with the Lord today and start to see Worship through His eyes. I will leave you with one of my favorite worship songs: “Holy Moment”-Super Chick.

As we come today we remind ourselves of what we doThat these songs are not just songs but signs of love for YouAs we come today we remind ourselves of what we doThat these songs are not just songs but signs of love for YouThis is a holy moment now, something of heaven touches earthVoices of angels all resound, we join their songCome, come, come, let us worship GodWith our hands held high and our hearts bowed downWe will run, run, run through Your gates O GodWith a shout of love, with a shout of loveLord with confidence we come before Your throne of GraceNot that we deserve to come but You have paid the wayYou are the Holy King of all, heaven and earth are in Your handsAll of the angels sing Your song, we join them nowCome, come, come, let us worship GodWith our hands held high and our hearts bowed downWe will run, run, run through Your gates O GodWith a shout of love, with a shout of loveLet this be a holy moment now, let this be a holy moment nowLet this be a holy moment now, let this be a holy moment nowCome, come, come, let us worship GodWith our hands held high and our hearts bowed downWe will run, run, run through Your gates O GodWith a shout of love, with a shout of loveCome, come, come, let us worship GodWith our hands held high and our hearts bowed downWe will run, run, run through Your gates O GodWith a shout of love, with a shout of loveWith a shout of love, with a shout of loveWith a shout of love, with a shout of loveWith a shout of love, with a shout of loveLet this be a holy moment nowLet this be a holy moment nowLet this be a holy moment nowHoly moment now...

Tears

2010-03-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in bed writting thru raw tears, tears of frustration with myself, tears of commanding my soul to praise God even when my flesh doesn't want to, tears of confusion, and tears of uncertainty, tears of hope and tears anguish! If all of those things and more are
possible to feel all at the same time, it is coming out and all from the same place in my heart. Is it possible to feel these things at once? Well I am feeling them and eventhough they are all very real, they aren't all accurate. I'm feeling frustrated because I believe that God asked me to do something that seems to be very hard for me to do, yet in Faith I did it! Trusting in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. So boldly I asked God for something, then I just counted on it and yet it didn't happen. Now in the moments after it not taking place are these moments that I am writing thru now. This is the reason for the tears. Now I hate crying! My mom always told me as a young girl growing up to STOP crying because she said I cried all the time and made a scene, I don't think so, but who knows! So I am not much of a cryer, because to me, it's a negative thing and yet, God didn't design it that way! So back to the reason I write tonight, it's because I think I asked boldly but didn't ask the right question. I often do this, so now through my tears and knowledge of what the RIGHT question is, I am going back to the throne room and goin to seek Gods face and allow Him to answer me His way and in His time. Sometimes the questions we need to ask are not about what we want for us and the others around us, but I believe the question should be, how can I serve God best by serving them? This is now the question I am going to be seeking out. Thank You Jesus for showing me the right questions to ask. Thank you for showing me YOUR heart for me Jesus and thank you that thru tears clarity can come. Just know that thru tears, sometimes things can become more clear. Don't avoid them, you may be avoidinb the bigger picture.

Share the Burden

2010-03-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Life doesn't always bring easy things to us, infact most of the time it doesn't, yet we are to enjoy life?!? How can we do this with a good attitude and still keeping our Faith intact? How can we carry the weight of not only OUR burdens but the burdens of others and still remain faithful to God? Sound like a burning question on your heart today? I am someone who, like I've said before, wants to fix things and help others but not always is that my job. Most of the time it isn't actually to do that, MY "JOB" is to take it to the Lord! But I do believe that there are other times when God has surrounded us with people who love and care for us enough that are to actively participate in helping us. And vice versa, when it comes to certain things. For example, why do we have funerals? Yes, to celebrate a life but really, we go for the living and not the dead. Why do we go to weddings and sometimes participate in them? Same reason, to show our love and support. Now these two events are definitely bigger than other circumstances but they aren't less important. Like when your friends husband is in the hospital due to a virus, or when someone just needs you to be honest with them about something. See these are the times when our genuine concern for others is played out. When you make a phone call to someone just to make sure they are alright. Or when you love on the people at bible study and church because they are the family God has established for you. I guess really all this is coming from the same place in my heart. I want to be a person who doesn't just want to fix the problem, or rescue someone out of their situation, but I want to carry the burden with others, Not just fix it! I'm learning more and more that fixing is Gods job, I'm just the vessle that he chooses to use at times to be his extended hand. How blessed are we? That is an amazing gift we are given, God allows us to be HIS HAND?!? Wow! What a privilege! I want to make sure that I carry that responsibility better than I am sure I have in the past. I want to help carry other peoples burdens. I must say that ifyou have laid down your burden at the foot of the cross, helping someone else carry theirs will make you realize what a blessing it is to share in one another's burdens. Paul says in Galatians 6:2 "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." Don't just be someone who carrys another's burdens, but let others be blessed by allowing them to share yours at times aswell. Let them be apart of the blessing in your life. Lord, please show us how to do this in a way that is honoring and pleasing to you.

Trust

2010-03-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

God is calling me to a new and deeper level of Trust with him. Trust, to a point, comes easily for me. I trust you until you have done something to hurt me, or until my spirit says otherwise. But unrelenting trust isn’t something that is a natural reaction, my natural reaction is to try and figure it out. I want to confront the problem, come up with a solution and then tie it up in a pretty little bow, but how doesn’t that make me a better person? I want to be better in this specific area in my life and the only way to do that is to walk through it. I want to make plans and move forward with things and others in my life, yet HIS timing is ALWAYS PERFECT, His way is ALWAYS BETTER, and His will is ALWAYS RIGHT! I am living on a constant state of uncertainty at this time in my life. There are a ton of questions and a ton of things calling me to pay attention to them, Instead of what really matters! I am living in a constant state of, not ONLY surrender, but of constant reliability on God. I am pretty independent in a lot of areas of my life and God wants me to rely more on Him than ever before. His love for me and Jealousy for me blows my mind, the lengths he will go to, just for my attention, unbelievable. The things that I desire, he will keep me from them, until I am TOTALLY focused on Him, until I am willing to jump out of the boat and walk on water with him. He desires to consume me at all times and desires to be the ONLY desire I have. This week has been hard for me, I have wanted my attention to be taken from Him and there he is calling me back to him. He wants to meet my every desire, he wants to be the ONE thing I long for, He wants to be the man of my dreams. I know in my head that he means NO HARM to come to me, and that pain is apart of growth, my head also knows that I can trust God with the BIG and small parts of my life, yet I can’t seem to wholly lay certain things down. I do lay them down and then I think I have a better solution so I go and try and pick it back up. It is ALWAYS much to big for me to do that but I seem to. This is what I mean by needing to TRUST more in the GOD who created me, who created ALL things and let him fully have control. He knows how to drive better than I do. Lately he has entrusted new things to me and I am so excited about them and yet I want to keep him as my focus so that I don’t screw up. I know I will unintentionally, but I need to keep trying and laying things down. I want to let you see my heart, that is why I am sharing this. I have been shown something amazing that God may have for me, and yet if I am not constantly looking to him for direction, I will get off the path. I won’t turn when God wants me to, and I won’t be able to KNOW that my best interest is being protected and is beginning to flourish. I am so blessed that God has new things for me. Lord, please allow me to trust you and know that you NEVER desire to discard me. Thank you for your favor and for SPRING!!! Thank you that today is a new day of TRUST! Help me trust you in ALL areas of my life. I love you Lord!!!

Hungry anyone?

2010-03-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how we have been trained that hunger is a bad thing? I find it ironic that the thing God uses to bring us to him, is exactly what the world would have us think is bad! I was driving home from work today with alot of questions, fears and anxiety screaming at me. To me that is a form of hunger. When the enemy is trying to remind you of who you were and what you have done. Then i realized that this pushing wasnt from God, thats when i determined it was time to do something about the screaming. Scream back out of MY HUNGER for God. Out if my hunger for His word, and out of my hunger for His presence. When it comes to that point I just had to do all I know to do and that is Praise the Lord with all that I am! I was driving on the Toll road and as I was there singing, it felt like no one else was there! The hills were displayed with tall green grass, yellow and purple flowers everywhere and with the sun shining! "Hungry" was playing and I was amazed at the peace and absolute Presence of God. It blew me away!!! I began to hunger and thirst for the presence of God again more than I have. I love that as you get deeper in a walk with God and continue to seek him, the hunger only get stronger! We hear it on television, that hunger isn't welcome, or we take pills to supress our hunger! Don't you think that we would be more affective as Christians if we stopped trying to supress our hunger for God with other things! Just like with human bodies, hunger will soon pass if we keep ignoring it! I want to stop ignoring MY hunger paings and start feeding them with more of Gods word. How do you make hunger disappear? You feed it! Mat 5:6 "Blessed [are] they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled." That is Gods promise to us! Cling to that today and know that hunger isn't always bad. Here are the words to the song that inspired this thought!

"Hungry I come to you
For I know you satisfy
I am empty
But I know your love
Does not run dry

So I wait for you
So I wait for you

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart
Is living for

Broken I run to you
For your arms are open wide
I am weary
But I know your touch
Restores my life

So I wait for you
So I wait for you, O Lord
So I wait for you
So I wait for you

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart
Is living for..."-Kathryn Scott

Brutal Honesty

2010-02-16T10:39:00.000-08:00

Today I am sharing two songs that are my heart towards God. I listen to them all the time and I love what they convey. The first is what I see myself doing A LOT and desire to change. The second is usually how I feel after I have sat in His presence and just taken Him in. The middle portion is where He does all the work. I hope this blesses you. I am being RAW and exposing a bit of what I am feeling even at this moment. I just want you to know that if you feel this way too, God is BIGGER! Thank you for letting me share my heart today, openly and honestly.

"You turned water into wine - how extraordinary
Gave sight to the blind - and still I carry
My own load when you told me
To take your yoke ‘cause yours is easy
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
that you're big enough But you're big enough Jesus
You turned darkness into light - keep my lamp burning
And you are my everything
There's no denying, your love is so amazing
And even though my problems seem typical
Nothing for you is ever too difficult
You never have reservations - love without limitations
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
Oh, no matter how I try to get around it - I'm reminded
Wherever I go I'm totally surrounded
It's all about you - I can never doubt you
Even if I wanted to…And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!"-Big Enough, by Ayiesha Woods

Lord, I release my will to you. I am so sorry that my HOPE of good things to come to me in the future has not been in you, or in anything. I am reverting back to thinking that I am totally unworthy of anything good. I know that you love me and I know that you have an amazing plan for my life. I hate that I have allowed this carnal thinking to settle in at all. I am in dyer need of you. Thank you that you love me just as I am and that you desire to change my outlook on my life. Thank you that you desire to give me good gifts. I have to trust that you desire to bless me with things and I just need to ask you for them. I am sorry for loosing my HOPE that is in you. I just feel selfish for asking you to bring things into my life when I am wanting you to know that ultimately I am TOTALLY satisfied with YOU alone. I believe that you KNOW my heart and that you desire to bless me with the things that I have longed for and desired for a long time. I am sorry for withholding myself at times from you and others because of fear. I desire to be FEARLESS and I desire to be you to others. I know that to some, I am the ONLY Jesus they will ever see and I sooooo desire that I will do you justice. I know that I am only human, I just want them to see you. Father I desire to disappear and allow ONLY YOU to be seen in me. Thank you so much for the passion for the lost, thank you so much for the passion to make YOUR NAME known, and thank you for making me ABLE to do all of these things. Thank you so much for your love. Thank you so much that you have given me life and a heart to follow you. Thank you that you have changed my life so completely that I don’t even recognize myself sometimes. Thank you that you have given me vision and given me life. Thank you that YOUR life is what I live for. Thank you that I desire to tell YOUR story and in that mine is seen. Father, I don’t want or need credit for anything, I just desire to give you GLORY. All that I am is yours, all that I have is yours, and all that I ever need is yours. Thank you for making me able to love, Please help me now to love like breathing. Thank you for giving me eyes to see, please let me see others with your eyes. Thank you for giving me a voice to sing, please let me only sing YOUR praises ALL of my DAYS. Thank you for giving me hands, please allow them to be you hands to others. Thank you for giving me a mouth, please allow my mouth to speak of YOUR GREATNESS all of my days. Thank you for giving me words, please allow none of them to fall to the ground like Samuel. Thank you for giving me ears, please allow me to hear your voice, and the cries of the lost. Thank you for giving me feet, please allow me to go to places that need you. Thank you for giving your life, so that I may have a good one, and eternally be with you in Heaven. Thank you for all that YOU have done, to make it possible for us to live here on earth WITH YOU. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, that when we feel defeated and when things just don’t make sense that you still remain and that your love is what gets us through. Thank you.

“I will understand
If they can't comprehend
All of the time we spend
'Cause it's beautiful
When you speak to me
Whispering softly
Love sweet melodies
That are beautiful
I'm in love with you
So in love with you
And they just don't know what you do to me
I'm in love with you
So in love with you
And they'll never know
What you do to me
Clothing me in righteousness
Lord I must confess
I hold you to your promises
That are beautiful
You've become my everything
Your presence makes me weak
'Til there are no words to speak
But "Oh so beautiful "
I'm in love with you
So in love with you
And they just don't know
what you do to me
I'm in love with you
So in love with you
And they'll never know
What you do to me
They don't really know what you do to me
They don't understand how you make me free
When we're all alone and it's me and you
There's not enough expression for the things you do
I'm in love with you
So in love with you
And they just don't know what you do to me
I'm in love with you
So in love with you And they'll never know
What you do to me”-What you do to me, Ayiesha Woods

Worth it ALL

2010-02-12T15:35:00.000-08:00

“I don't understand Your ways

Oh but I will give You my song

Give You all of my praise

You hold on to all my pain

With it You are pulling me closer

And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner

And up every mountain

I'm not looking for crowns

Or the water from fountains

I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing

That the sight of Your face

Is all that I need

I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this

You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it all

I believe this

You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it all

I believe this “-Worth it all, Rita Springer

This song says so much of my heart in it. I love her heart being so bare and raw in showing her affection for her King, and the Lover of her Soul. I love the truth that she speaks and how REAL it is. Especially in this world of so many “FAKE” things. We seem to confuse a lot. Lust ISN’T love, TV characters are DIFFERENT when they have to think of their own jokes and words of life, a deviated septum isn’t as common as they celebrities would LOVE for you to believe. We live in a day and age that is all about keeping up and winning. That is a lie and yet we feel that way and live as if it is the truth. But in this expression that God has given us through song, it is so beautiful because it shows us the ONE thing that actually DOES matter, and it isn’t anything we can buy, or achieve. The price has already been paid and if we were required to pay it, we couldn’t. I know a lot of people say that we get the free gift of Salvation, and I do believe that is true, yet who appreciates anything FREE? REALLY? We all love when we get free food, but SOMEONE had to pay for it, we may not have, but someone did. They just didn’t ask us to pay it back to them. It is the same thing in Salvation, although God asks for something MUCH BIGGER, He wants our lives. He wants everything that we have and He wants our attention. When we give him our lives and fully surrender to him there is a freedom in that but at the same time, giving our lives to him isn’t always free, and it isn’t easy most of the time, it is just the BETTER choice. It is His heart for you that makes it seem easier. No matter the pain and no matter the loss, or hardship, the end result of seeing God face to face will make it WORTH IT ALL!!!

Counterfeit

2010-02-09T15:39:00.000-08:00

Why are we always so surprised when God answers us? Why do we think He doesn’t hear us when we ask? What lies about God have we believed to come to this conclusion? Why do we say we believe and then when talking to another believer say, “Can you believe what God did?” I ask these questions because I find it so funny. If we are TRULY walking out our faith and asking God for things, seeking his face, and knocking on doors until they open, then WHY in the world should we be SHOCKED when He answers. Now this is only my opinion but shouldn’t we EXPECT God to hear us, if we approach him with a pure heart? Shouldn’t we EXPECT that He will answer us? Shouldn’t we EXPECT that He will do exceedingly abundantly above ALL we could ask or think, according to HIS riches in Glory? Is that what your bible says? It is what mine says. SO then why in the world are we NOT using this faith to reach the lost? Why are we so surprised when things go right, and yet most of the time think automatically they will go wrong? I ask all these questions to prove a point. God asks us to walk by FAITH, not by sight. He asks us to Trust in HIM. Yet when he does what He says, we can’t believe it. O Ye of little faith, (me included) how silly of us to say that we trust and believe and then be surprised. How many more lives would we touch if we JUST walked in the power of God? Trusted in the Creator who lives within us? Took the Bible at its word? I hope that you see my heart in this, I am trying to bring into the light what Satan would LOVE for us to just believe. That we CAN’T have BIG faith, things ALWAYS go wrong, God doesn’t hear or answer us. That we aren’t right with God or He would do things our way. He fails to remind you that He and his fallen angels believe in Jesus too, why do you think they all work so hard at getting people to believe their lies? They KNOW the power we carry and the Name we have been given. They all know who’s kid we are and the TRUTH about the end, yet we believe the lie. If you were handed a $100 bill and didn’t use it because you weren’t sure it was real or fake. Unless you have been trained to know the difference you may just throw it away hoping that it was fake. How do the FBI and all those government agencies tell counterfeit money immediately, because they work with the real thing all the time that they can spot a fake instantly. It is the same way with us, when you are standing on the truth, and diving into it and filling yourself with it at all times, when a lie comes at you, you can spot it out. Because you KNOW the truth, the lie doesn’t penetrate your soul. Ok so follow me here, this will make sense in a moment. So if you are standing on God’s TRUTH and you are exercising the faith that you have been given, then why does God’s goodness shock us more than the trials we face? Now I am not going to get on you about how often you read your word, or spend time with God. That is your business and honestly, your relationship is unique, but I will tell you that the more you immerse yourself in the truth about who God is and the power He has given us, the more you will be able to tell when the lies of the enemy come at you and try to deter you from who you are, what you are called to be, and the power you carry in your faith. Just remember, when you KNOW the Truth, it is that which shall set you FREE!!! Be free today!

Be Open

2010-02-05T11:28:00.001-08:00

So lately I have had a hard time being open to God. The possibilities He may have that I need and it may be VERY unconventional. I haven’t fallen away and I haven’t done anything wrong it has just been a season of being more focused and not as open to what He may want for my life. I feel like I have been on a journey of walking and going ahead of God at times, and I want to ask for every step to His plan. I am not a person who lives with regret. I don’t hang on to the past in some sort of way dragging all those things into my future. My mom told me along time ago that people and things happen to you, we may not ever know why, but accept them as God’s plan and learn what you need to. I have tried very hard to live that way. I think hanging on to the things from your past, doesn’t always allow your future to be as fresh and new. I know that something we can’t get away from but I do know we can, not allow it to confine us to live with that for the rest of our lives. I want to be open to change, I want to be open to WHATEVER God has for me, and sometimes that means laying your own pride and desires down and just do what is necessary for God’s will to happen. I find it amazing that when we do what He wants, things just seem to work better. I want to be totally and completely open to God and I want to be open to the “out side of the box” thinking that He requires sometimes. I have never been a person who does well inside of the box. Some people do and sometimes that works but for me, my life has been lived out of the box the whole time. That is just the way it works for me and I am ok with that. God created me to think, react, and move out side of that. In this new year and in this new moment, I want to take advantage of ALL that God has for me. I want to mature, I want to change, and I want to pursue a life that is worthy of the calling of God. Just remember that no matter what you face, maybe God wants you to be open to His plan for you. Maybe we don’t have any idea of what that looks like. This is where Faith comes in and this is where we have to KNOW that He sees WAY outside of us and others. I KNOW that God has plans for your life. Are you willing to let him adjust your eyes, so that you can see things His way?

Weakness and Strength In One Person

2010-01-13T15:49:00.000-08:00

I have someone who is the cause of some of my greatest victories, she was there cheering me on. She is the one person that I could allow to see me in ANY situation. She is the one person I can share EVERYTHING with and not think twice about it. She is the one person that never judged me for my most EMBARASSING choices, who ALWAYS told me the truth and protected me at all costs. She is selfless and caring. I delight in her friendship and I KNOW that no matter what I was doing or going though, She would protect me and be loyal to the end. Even if it meant destroying EVERYTHING else in her life. She was the person who saw me through every small and big event over the past 10 years and whether victory or defeat, she is and will always be in my corner. God has done a lot in our lives over the past 10 years. I met her at church and we began to build a friendship on God, sort of, at least it started that way. We were both walking through some really hard times and I knew that no matter what, I could count on her. She and I did things that I am not proud to talk about but I can tell you right now that no matter what came at us, we walked through it together. We still do, just differently now, Godly now. There were many times that things in our lives got really complicated and we were not good for each other. She was my GREATEST source of Weakness, and I hers. We would participate and encourage each other to go against God. Whether it be big or small we rooted each other on. We chose together to violate God’s law and live like we wanted to, we destroyed our loved ones and we didn’t really care. She will tell you too, how foolish we were and yet, how thankful we are today. The relationship that God has truly turned inside out has now become one of our greatest Victories, ONLY IN GOD!!! What God has done in and through us is AMAZING! We are NOT the same people who met almost 10 years ago. We are changed and yet the love that we have for each other will not change. I believe that had we not walked through the dark together, walking in the light wouldn’t be as powerful. See the things that we were drawn to in each other before are different in many ways than what they are now. Now when one of us gets off track we don’t derail the whole car any more we pray with them and we fight together against a common enemy. We fight for our walk with God together, We fight for our families together. The things that were once broken in us, God fixed so that we may be an example of restoration. No one in my life is like her. The passion that she has to share the Gospel is amazing. I am so blessed by it. We have changed our focus and now God can use us. It doesn’t surprise me that what the enemy meant for evil, God means for good. I believe that the enemy thought he had won when we stopped talking, but that wasn’t God’s will. I can confidently say that I KNOW God has given me someone who knows how UGLY I can be, and helps me NEVER to return to that. We are family and no matter what, she is constant. Thank you G for allowing God to change us both. I wouldn’t be here today without you. Your prayers, warfare, and love allows me to keep going. I love you so much and I know that there are MANY more mountains for us to climb together but I am so glad to do it with you. Thank you for being open to God enough to allow him to restore us. Thank you God for allowing us to remain in each others lives the way we are. And Thank you that your restoration COST us A LOT! It was definitely worth it ALL! I love you G!!! Do you have someone who was your greatest cause of weakness, but God changed that into your greatest cause of Strength. Thank them and God today for using them in your life. They may need to know it, and they may need to see that in you. Are you the cause of someones weakness? Ask for forgiveness. It may do you both some good.

Jesus Will Meet You There

2009-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

"When you think you've hit the bottomAnd the bottom gives wayAnd you fall into a darknessNo words can explainAnd you don't know how you make it out aliveJesus will meet you there.When the doctor says, "I'm sorry,We don't know what else to do."And you're looking at your familyWondering how they'll make it through...Whatever road this life takes you down,Jesus will meet you there.He knows the way to wherever you areHe knows the way to the depths of your heartHe knows the way cuz he's already beenWhere you're goingJesus will meet you there.When the jury says; Guilty; And the prison doors closeWhen the one you love says nothing,Just packs up and goesWhen the sunlight comes and your world's still dark, Jesus will meet you there.When you've failed again and all yourSecond chances have been usedAnd the heavy weight of guilt and shameIs crushing down on you...And all you have is one last cry for helpJesus will meet you there.He knows the way to wherever you areHe knows the way to the depths of your heartHe knows the way cuz he's already beenWhere you're goingWhen you realize the dreams you've hadFor your child won't come trueWhen the phone rings in the middleOf the night with tragic news...Whatever valley you must walk through,Jesus will meet you there.He will meet you there.Jesus will meet you there..." Jesus Will Meet You There-Steven Curtis Chapman from: Beauty Will Rise

This CD is AMAZING and if you haven't heard it or bought it, you need to. Its raw and healing. Thank you Jesus that you know

Faithful

2009-12-28T14:08:00.000-08:00

"I am broken, I am bleeding, I'm scared and I'm confused, but You are faithful. Yes You are faithful. I am weary, unbelieving. God please help my unbelief! Cuz You are faithful. Yes You are faithful. I will proclaim it to the world. I will declare it to my heart And sing it when the sun is shining. I will scream it in the dark. You are faithful! You are faithful! When you give and when You take away, even then still Your name is faithful! You are faithful! And with everything inside of me, I am choosing to believe You are faithful. I am waiting for the rescue that I know is sure to come, cuz You are faithful. Yes You are faithful. I've dropped anchor in Your promises, and I am holding on, cuz You are faithful. God You are faithful. I will proclaim it to the world. I will declare it to my heart And sing it when the sun is shining. I will scream it in the dark. You are faithful! You are faithful! When you give and when You take away, even then still Your name is faithful! You are faithful! And with everything inside of me, I am choosing to believe You're faithful. So faithful... Though I cannot have the answer that I'm wanting to demand, I'll remember You are God and everything is in Your hand. In Your hands you hold the sun, the moon, the stars up in the sky, for the sake of Love, You hung Your own Son on the cross...to die... You are faithful... Yes, You are faithful... When you give and when You take away, even then, great is Your faithfulness! Great is Your faithfulness! And with everything inside of me, I am choosing to believe You're faithful! Oh, oh, oh... Oh, oh, oh... When you give and when You take away, even then still Your name is faithful! You are faithful! And with everything inside of me, I am choosing to believe... ...You're faithful..." -Faithful by Steven Curtis Chapman from: Beauty Will Rise

Proclaim this TRUTH today!

Count the Cost

2009-12-05T20:09:00.001-08:00

1st Peter 4:12-19

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And If it is hard for the righteous to be saved what will become of the ungodly and the sinner? So then those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."

I must say that after this past week, I definitely would rather be on the receiving end of someones sly comments, accusations or harsh words. Being a Christian comes with that, its not the first time and it won't be the last. I know I can take it and I know that really when they call me names based on my beliefs, they are really just mad that I carry Jesus with me, at least I hope I do, and I am alright with that. Really they aren't insulting me, they are saying things Jesus heard himself and they aren't saying anything that has relevance or that is new. They just don't like MY beliefs and convictions. They don't like what I stand for and who I trust in. They can't understand that Jesus being Lord, is BETTER than anything this world has to offer. Any drug they do, sex they have, food they eat, music they hear or play, and clothing they buy. Better than anything, because He fills every part all at one time. See when you eat a great meal only your stomach is really being fulfilled and only until time passes that you are hungry again. See with Jesus, He fills your WHOLE body, all your senses at the same time and nothing is left out. Because of this you can feel totally satisfied all at the same time, your spirit AND your flesh. These people who don't know this kind of AMAZING satisfaction want to see harm come to me and they want to see the name of Jesus tainted. Can I just say that I REFUSE to let that happen! I will do all I can to preserve His name and endure their ridicule. I am ok with their comments because I count the cost, I count it as joy to suffer because of Christs name! But let me tell you that this too isn't for the weak hearted. In first and second grade there was a girl named Gabby that simply didn't like me because I loved Jesus. She made all MY friends turn their backs on me and tell me that they couldn't be my friend simply because of Gabby. They all told me that they couldn't tell anyone and that we had to be secret friends. WOW! Everyone in my class knew that I loved and shared Jesus. I was always encouraged at home and church to share with others. So that is exactly what I did no matter what it cost me. Now I honestly don't say this to boast or show what a great christian I am, believe me I mess up ALL the time. ALL THE TIME!!! I say this to show that even as a young child this has been something I have dealt with. There are different things that we bare because of the name we carry, but this, the discrimination, the persecution(even in small ways) the weight of bearing Christs name. It is so worth it, because in the end I get the better deal. JESUS WINS!!! See I count the cost EVERYDAY, and so no matter what anyone says or does to me, I KNOW the name I carry, I know the weight I bare, and I know the cost I take up every single day. No matter what anyone says to me, God says I am NOT! No matter what the world says, God says that I am His beloved. It doesn't get any better than that. Besides Jesus bore so much more and endured so much more than I ever could. He carried MY SIN on that cross, the least I could do for Him is be disliked. Thank you Jesus that I carry Your name. Thank you for the people who pick on me because of you, I count it as Joy. Thank you Jesus that You, and ONLY YOU, give me the grace and strength to make it through. I pray that I will respond like you would to them and that you would allow me to love them. I love you and thank you for it.

I wake up, go to work and am aware that I am being called all the names in the book, I just want to be the best example of Christ I can. I count the cost, DO YOU? Are you WILLING TO?

Are you called to be a Dandelion or a Palm Tree?

2009-12-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

As I sit at work, I can look out the window and the view I have is of two rows of Palm Trees. I love those trees, and not just because they remind me of Hawaii, which is a bonus, but because they are a symbol to me. They represent flexibility and strength. Here in So. Cal. you don't always get to see the amazing ability they have to bend and NOT break unless the Santa Ana Winds are here but even at that it isn't as impressive until you see it in wind such as a hurricane. But things like that aren't the daily routine so many of us will never see it first hand. You are probably wondering why I picked such different things. A Dandelion to me is something I think of when I think of Missionary Workers. They are called to be salt and light everywhere they go, SO are we but track with me here for a second. Ok so if they are called to move and travel to share the "Good News" of Jesus, then they can't be tied down and have BIG roots dragging everywhere. God may call them to different people in different areas at different seasons in their lives. I see a Dandelion being available to do that. The petals allow God to direct them and they trust that He knows what is best for them and where they should be planted for a season and then go share somewhere again. It is an amazing blessing to be able to be a Dandelion. Ok so let me make myself clear, just because you are a Dandelion doesn't mean you aren't strong and flexible. The same goes for you if you are a Palm Tree, I am not saying that you wouldn't get up and move if God said to Go! I am making a general statement that we are not ALL called to GO, and we are also not all called to STAY! My goal here isn't to tell you or even explain, my Goal here is to make you think about what you are. My personality is to go and just have NO roots, to go and not have a normal grounded life. I love new adventures and if I could I would choose to go and be a Dandelion but I know that I am called to be a palm tree. Not only because I love them and because that is the meaning of my name, but because it goes against my flesh nature. I am called to stay where it counts and to flourish with the sphere of influence God has given me. I am to stay and move mountains here. I am called to stand strong and yet bend and be flexible when the strong winds come and the storms rage. In my nature I would leave because to me that is easy and more fun. But that is how come I KNOW that I am to stay. I NEED to share the foundation I have with the Dandelions in MY life. I am called to put my roots down deep here and to stay awhile. That doesn't mean I won't ever be called anywhere else, but it does mean that for now, I am to stay and do what God has called me to do here. One of my favorite verses in a song is this:

"He is jealous for me Loves like a hurricane I am a tree Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me..." How He Loves-Kim Walker.

Lord I want to make sure that this is my heart at all times. I have heard it said, "It is easier to bend your knee than your heart." Lord, please allow me to always have a kneeling heart towards you. I love you so much and I am so blessed that you desire to use me here, where I am grounded. Thank you.

What does your name mean? Which one are you called to be? Dandelion or Palm Tree?

Standing on a Mustard Seed

2009-11-30T11:40:00.000-08:00

Although, Faith is a foundational truth it has also been coming up alot in my daily life, as something that needs to increase in me and in others. There are things that God has promised each of us and I know that sometimes it may seem like you have been praying for something that God isn't hearing you on, but not always is that the case. There is a TIME and a place for EVERYTHING. I believe that eventhough it may SEEM like the right time, there may be one or two or ten things that need adjusting. Are you willing to wait for your promises or are you willing to throw them away on account of them not happening in YOUR time? Are you wanting it RIGHT NOW or are you willing to wait so that the timing is SWEETER than it ever could have been before? In this immediately world we live in, are you willing to wait on GOD? This is harder than it may seem, especially when the things that God has promised you are GOOD things and will change your world around you, are you willing to wait for the perfect time so that you aren't out of sync with God? How BIG is your Faith? Is it only the size of a Mustard seed? Are you willing to stand on that Faith, no matter how big or small? These are not questions I can answer for you, that is YOUR job. I can only answer them for me, and only you can answer them for you, but that is the beauty of Faith. When exercised, it GROWS, I know that in Romans 12:3 "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." But you HAVE to use it for your faith to grow. Are you using your entire measure of Faith? I was reading this great book the other day, given to me by my friend called , "The Caleb Quest, by Mark Atterberry" It talked about this woman who had been abandoned by her husband and everyday she would go into her kitchen, get her coffee and set up a place for her with a cup, a spoon and a napkin and then set up the same for him. She did it daily, praying that God would be moving and touching her husband at the same time she was praying. She had BIG Faith that one day her husband would return and eventhough she knew where her husband was and knew what he was doing, she just prayed. She did it everyday saying confidently to the Lord, "Today is the day that my husband will join me for coffee." She did this day after day, month after month and year after year and then it happened. She was sitting at the table one morning and heard a car pull up into the driveway. She didn't get up and look out the window she just waited. Soon she heard a turn of the kitchen door lock, and then the door opened. It was him and she said, "I've been waiting for you." WOW!!! I want Faith like that, and you know what, it is totally possible. She didn't rush anything, she didn't push him to come home, she LET GOD DO IT! She TOTALLY trusted God and allowed Him to do it in His timing. That way she couldn't take the credit and she wouldn't worry about what she said or didn't say to him. She just left it up to God. She knew that God didn't abandon her like her husband and that He had put them together, so it made it all the more sweet when he returned. I thought that story was amazing and so I wanted to share it with you. The thing is that to you that may seem impossible, but that is the beauty of God, He LOVES us that much that He would do that for us. No matter what, God loves you enough to KEEP HIS PROMISES. What promises of God for your life are you standing on? Are you standing on your Mustard Seed? Does it feel like it may not hold you? It will. Does it feel like you haven't exersized that muscle called Faith in a while? God makes the Impossible, Possible. He makes the NO that the world says, a YES through Him. Thank you Father that you hear our hearts cryout to you and that you promise us things for YOUR Glory. Thank you that You are REALLY ALL WE NEED, your promises are a bonus. I love you Faithful Father. Amen!

Just remember that when you are right with God, through believing in Jesus and allowing Him to be your Savior and Lord, God IS Faithful and He will fulfill His promises to you, BIG or small. Stand on your Mustard Seed today!

1 Thes. 5:16-18

2009-11-18T09:12:00.000-08:00

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thes. 5:16-18 NIV

How simple are these three verses and yet we think that there is so much more we need to do, for us to be in God's will. We take them in and let them out so easily. As if God CAN'T want something so simple, He is a BIG God and so He MUST want something BIG. This is a lie. We run around in circles trying to figure out the will of God and yet we can't seem to find it because we are looking in the WRONG direction. We hear God, We MOVE, and then leave God in the dust because He made a turn and we didn't hear him because we didn't STOP and ask. God doesn't change, His plans for us don't change, YET we seem to think that He is the one that changes when we head in the wrong direction. We blame Him for ditching us and not telling us when to move, when REALLY it is us who didn't stop and ask for a new direction. We just go off on this path and then expect God to follow us. Although He meets us where we are, we are the ones who move. So if God's will is so simple and we can't seem to figure the big stuff out, maybe we aren't supposed to. I have heard SO MANY christians say, "If God would just tell me what His will is for my life, then I could just do it, but I have not a clue where to start." So my question to you is, if you are not doing these three simple things, then you are out of Gods will. Be JOYFUL ALWAYS!!!! That is Gods will for you. But you have to CHOOSE JOY and you have to do two other things to please God. Pray Continually, this may seem hard, but really it is keeping the lines of communication with God open at ALL times. Giving Thanks in ALL circumstances, this is a hard one, but SOOOO necessary to learn how to fight and do what you need to in Christ. You NEED to train yourself to do this all the time. Say thank you Jesus constantly. This is a great way to fight our daily fight if we could just keep this in mind as the enemy throws those firey darts at us. And as we continue to walk this way, God's plan will happen and you will be able to know how to deal with the blessings and the hardships. It is amazing how your view will change on EVERYTHING as you begin to allow God to change you and as you begin to thank Him for ALL He has done, is doing, and will do. Be confident of Him, He sure is of you. Thank you Father, that eventho it seems so simple, you HAVE told us how to do your will, please allow us to be aware of that and allow us to KNOW that as we begin to take those steps you will change our view. Thank you for giving us your will for us in your word. Thank you so much for allowing us to be mindful of you.

As we approach Thanksgiving, what do you have to be thankful about? What can you continually pray for? How can you be joyful always?

To LIST or NOT to list...that is the question

2009-11-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

I am NOT a list maker, I am not a BIG Goal setter. I enjoy life as it comes and I try to prayerfully enter every decision, the key word here is TRY. So last week when we were in our womens bible study, I found it interesting that they were talking about what they do to try and stay focused on praying. To try and not get distracted and I just found it so fascinating that these Godly women made lists while they were in prayer. I am not here to tell you if that is right or wrong I am just here to ask a question and for you to seek God on the answer. So my question is, if you get distracted and want to remember things, but are in a time of prayer, should you make a list OR ask God to bring back to YOUR rememberance the things you need to do, get or anything else that distracts you from His Presence? If that isn't clear let me show you. My mom is a definite list maker she writes things down so she doesn't forget to do them, doesn't forget things at the grocery store and this usually happens in the middle of the night. She will be woken up by these thoughts of tasks to do. She has a pen and pad of paper by her bed so she can write them down and make sure that they are taken care of, I understand that and that is how her brain works. She is always in the middle of like 5 projects so I think that it is important for her to do that for her own sanity. Now for ME I am not that way, you may say that I am lazy and don't want to or you may think that I just don't have enough responsibility and so it hasn't happened yet, but I believe that the reality of it is that I am NOT a list maker. I take things as they come and I rely more on God than my list. I am not saying my mom doesn't, because she always does. I am just saying that I tend to let Him worry about that stuff and don't want to carry it around with me. To me it just isn't worth the weight. That must sound horrible to you but it is the honest truth, I would rather not carry things around that I don't need to. So back to the question, if you are getting ready to spend time in prayer, then is it good to keep a piece of paper handy to make a list. I am going to say NO, and here is my biblical backup. Luke 10:38-42 At the Home of Martha and Mary "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." What do you think? Do you think that to keep yourself from getting distracted you use other distractions? or do you think that to require yourself to totally focus on God makes it easier to train your brain to quiet itself and just wait on the Lord? Ask God what is better for you to do so that it will allow you to enter into His presence. Thank you Lord for tearing the veil and allowing us to be able to boldly come before you.

How will you enter into His presence today? With task in hand or not?

Colossians 1:17

2009-10-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

" He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Col. 1:17 This is the sum of my life. Nothing I do can make my life work. Nothing I do can make myself change, and nothing I do can make creativity flow. The only way for that to happen is for God to go before me and prepare the way. I know that this verse holds true in my life and in all I do. I hope it blesses you today! Thank you Father for YOUR WORD!

Standing for what is right

2009-09-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

So, Thursday night I was up way too late, yet because of my obedience God is always faithful in the midst of that. I was up to spend time in my word and to share my heart with MY creator. This question about the Levites not getting land and why has been bugging me. I knew why and I could explain it but I couldn't find the reference so last night was my time to seek. It was about seeking His heart and not finding the answer, yet in His faithfulness, that is what he is and does. So the answer starts in Genesis 34 with the story of Dinah and Shechem.

"And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel. And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife. And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come. And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him. And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done. And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife. And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you. And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein. And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give. Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife. And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister: And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us: But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people. But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone. And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son. And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father. And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying, These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters. Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised. Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us. And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city. And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males. And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister. They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field, And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house. And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house. And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?"

All I know is that this is a story of complacency and disobedince. Complacency for Jacob to not defend his daughter and not allow her to be treated like that, and disobedince for Simeon and Levi. Ok to our next passage. Genesis 49:5-7

"Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall. Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel."

This is so sad, that was the inheritance and blessing that they received from their father. That is not how I would want my father to bless me. Ok so to see the redemption that came from this sad story here is Exodus 32:19-29

"And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount. And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it. And Moses said unto Aaron, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them? And Aaron said, Let not the anger of my lord wax hot: thou knowest the people, that they are set on mischief. For they said unto me, Make us gods, which shall go before us: for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him. And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies:) Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the LORD's side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him. And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour. And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men. For Moses had said, Consecrate yourselves today to the LORD, even every man upon his son, and upon his brother; that he may bestow upon you a blessing this day."

So now you know what I was seeking out. See the amazing thing about this story is that first, the sin was commited. Then, the gravity and reality of sin was spoken over them. Then you see the amazing redemption that comes from it! So my question to you is, will you stand for what is, righ no matter the cost? Do it and see what happens.

Liberty vs Freedom

2009-09-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

I was getting ready to go to sleep at this hour as others are peacefully resting and there like a faithful friend, God speaks in his infinite wisdom for me to write. So here I am...

Have you ever thought about the difference between Liberty and Freedom? Why is freedom something we take advantage of? Why is liberty not used unless describing something you do, like "I took the liberty of..."? I have never claimed to have all the answers but maybe this will atleast be thought provoking. I believe that Liberty is something you take, it is ground that we tread on to accomplish something. Whether it be the liberty of taking the trash out before being asked to, or getting someone a glass of water. I believe it all comes from taking something by choice. Ok so we have taking something by choice but what about something that is given to you. Freedom is fought for by our amazing faithful soldiers and yet freedom doesn't seem to be taken it seems to be given. Liberty seems to be taken as a last resort or as a courtesy for someone else. But Freedom is given, I know that when I was born I didn't have to take my liberty or fight for freedom it was just there for me to have as I pleased. I was free to choose and walk in that. I know that in alot of ways they are the same. But in our modern language they are close and yet used differently. I know that when you are fighting in a spiritual battle, you take the liberty to fight, yet freedom isn't accomplished until the battle is over. Liberty doesn't mean control of others. Freedom doesn't mean carelessness of others feelings. How can you take both of these things and help others gain ground in them? What areas of your life aren't Free? What areas of your life do you need to take the liberty of giving over to God? What do you continue to hold on to? "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance (Freedom) to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord." Luke 4:18-19 (KJV) Liberty is an action, Freedom is the response. Lets walk in Freedom today...Thank you Jesus for liberating us through the cross, and giving us freedom to walk in.

No Better Place to be

2009-09-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

"Well, I was eight years old when I decided to follow Jesus
I started down that road
Somebody told me that this path that leads to heaven
Will not be the easy way
Well I found that to be true
Oh, but I also found, I found out there's

CHORUS
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No other place I'd rather be
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No better place to be

Now I know this road has a final destination
But I also know that if we're only looking for the prize that's waiting
We'll miss so much along the way
'Cause Jesus came to bring us life in the here and now
And to show us that there's

CHORUS
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No other place I'd rather be
No better place on earth than the road that leads to heaven
No better place to be

BRIDGE
I know this path we travel on
Is very straight and narrow
But I've looked down other roads along the way
And from all I've seen I can say without a doubt there's" No Better Place-Steven Curtis Chapman

I want you to understand why I picked this song to be the opener for this post. It is because as I was driving home yesterday, God pointed something out to me. If you look at the second verse and reread it I hope you see what I did so very clearly. We ARE to have an eternal focus, we are to look forward to Heaven BUT if we keep it there we will miss what He has called for us to do here TODAY!!! I want to make sure that I don't miss what needs to be done here just as much as I want my eternal perspective to remain. This is definitely a balancing act and sometimes it isn't easy. Its so easy to miss what we need to do here when all we are hoping for is heaven, and it is so easy to forget about Heaven when we get entangled in the things of this world. I know that part of our need for God is to keep our focus balanced. We want to get rid of the pain so we gaze to heaven, the place of no more pain and sorrow. Then our circumstances scream and our focus is now in the moment and we can loose the reason for us being here. It isn't easy. I suck at it most of the time, until I am reminded like I was yesterday that it is about being mindful of Heaven in our circumstances. It is allowing people to work out their issues in not getting the answers they want with God, and reminding them and ourselves of a better place. A friend said one time, "For a non christian, this is the closest they will EVER get to heaven, but for us as christians, this is the closest we will get to Hell." WOW! Pretty profound if you think about it. If I have to endure a bit of Hell here to get Heaven and all that that entales then I am more than content here on earth, as long as he wants me to be. I am so blessed and amazed at how realizing that our job here is to tell others of Jesus and bring them with us, then that is what we need to do. So today let us try and keep a heavenly perspective as we deal with the physical world. I want to take as many people with me, to that BETTER PLACE!

My JOSEPH Story Part 3-From Slippery Slope to Violence

2009-09-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

Being younger and knowing that one day I would meet other people who shared apart of who I am, always made me excited to see what God was going to do in my life. Not knowing what was really in my heart. But I know that this life is WAY to short and that it isn't always nice, even if you are. I know that hearing what the world says about you ISN'T WHO YOU ARE unless you let it be. I did for a long time and it required me to see that I was doing that to change. You don't have to live down to their expectations of you. No matter who is telling you that. Learning how to break free from other people's underestimations of you is something that I am daily retraining my brain how to do. I know that this may seem weird coming from someone like me but I have always had a violent rebelliousness about me, as a young child it was a good thing because I violently rebelled against the enemy. Yet when I got older it became a violent rebellion against "THE CHURCH". I never STOPPED loving God, I started LOVING ME more. I violently removed Him from His rightful place and began to sit on a throne I was definitely too small for. It started with the confession of my violent rebellion, Much like the Bible says the you need to believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord. I confessed that I knew better than He did what was good for me. I remember the day that happened. I was in the car with my friend, she was driving and I turned to her and confessed that I was done with church and that I was OVER IT ALL! WOW!!! Pretty bold, even violent of me to do, especially KNOWING very well that God was right there with me. Now I KNOW that I had broken His heart many times before in small ways. This time was very violent and right out in the open, which made it very evident that I was done. I KNEW better and I was going to walk that way. Now at this point I had two choices, I could take the path of less resistance, OR I could take the violent road less traveled. Guess which one I took. Definitely NOT the violent road less traveled. I took the road of least resistance which meant utter resistance against God. We will get there though. Ok so after that initial confession I began my slippery descent into the pit God would later Graciously and beautifully pick me up from.

Ok so without detail that I don't feel is necessary, Sin began to RULE and REIGN in my life. This was evident to everyone who knows me. I walked in that element the easiest way I WOULD GO! God knew that there was alot of things I needed to be rid of and He allowed me to walk the easiest way I honestly would walk which wasn't easy at all. So in this descent I so simply slid down, came alot of heartbreak for my family. Through all this JUNK that I walked through, God remained faithful. This wasn't a surprise to me until I started to see the restoration that came from this. As my time in this pit grew to an end I began to really see the damage I caused. It was like a bull in a china shop. I felt as if it was unrestorable. Who am I to say that? God can restore ANYTHING He wants to whether I believe it or not. That is His right as GOD!!! He IS...I AM NOT!!! So as I looked at my life and desired to change the way I was, required me to VIOLENTLY take myself OFF the throne of my heart and gladly give Him, His rightful place. I don't say violently as a joke or say it lightly. I mean violently, it required ALOT of giving it all back to Christ, laying it all down, and WALKING AWAY FROM things. I had to continually lay my friends down at the foot of the cross, after forcefully dragging them there and then walking away from them. It was in this time that a friend of mine was speaking at our church and said something very profound yet simple. "Intercession for people, is dragging them into the throne room of grace and praying for them without them even knowing." That was what I was required to do for the ones I had hurt and the ones I had bought down with me. See I didn't go alone in this journey and I know that none of them would blame me for the things they did but I didn't do my part and discourage them from coming on this journey with me. So as God was graciously restoring me, and cleaned up all the pieces big, small and utterly shatterred, I violently continued to remove myself from the place I felt entitled to sit on. I say violently because that is what it is like. Have you ever thought about the phrase, "Crucify the flesh"? Crucifixion was not a peaceful event, it wasn't something that was taken lightly and it most certainly wasn't without cause for devistation in some form. Crucifixion was violent, bloody, painful, excruciating and ended in death. So to crucify the flesh isn't asking your flesh to move over, that does nothing and just as violently as it took the place of God, I HAD to take it back the exact same way. If I wanted ALL that God had promised me and ALL that He had planned I had to violently take it back. I know I keep using that word but lately this verse has been ringing in my heart. "And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." Matt. 11:12 There are many ways to take this but I see it that we have to take the Kingdom of God violently. Our enemy is NOT peaceful when he takes over territory and neither can we be. We MUST take the Kingdom BACK by force. Just like in the old testiment the land of Canaan was taken by force, we must do the same now. Take back what the devil has unrightfully stolen and take it back by FORCE. Be violent and unrelenting in your prayers and remember Matt 11:12, if God requires righteous men to use violence as a way to take back His land and people, then if placed in the wrong hands violence IS harmful. Yet violence in the right hands, can become God's fulfillment of scripture. I choose TODAY to take back what was stolen, whether it means violently dragging my friends into the throneroom and speaking TRUTH over them, not to allow my words to make them live down to someone else's decision of who they are, or violently engaging in warfare on my own behalf. I choose to speak the truth and violently take the Kingdom of Heaven for God! I choose violence, what do you choose?

UP

2009-09-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

This past week I have walked with some friends through so very hard things and the thing that I am reminded of the most is...Jesus is where it all starts, and you HAVE to recognize that. He will change you and He will allow you to be who you need to be in Him. I just recently got some very difficult news and considering it was WAY bigger than I am I went and got Godly advice. The best advice I got in how to deal with it was, "It all starts at the cross, to find others, you have to intersect at the cross." Thank you for the advice because that goes for anything. When you are looking to change or see others change it all starts with refocusing your eyes on the Cross and admitting that you need to start changing first. Until this is recognized, nothing else will work. Jesus HAS to be where your focus lies and Jesus HAS to be where YOU Yourself begin to change. No family, friendship, relationship, or marriage will work without this humbling self examination and recognition. There is no other way to do this than to throw up the white flag and LOOK UP!!! I know that I need to be constantly reminded to LOOK UP!!! Lord, my prayer is today that we would stop, take our eyes off of us and LOOK UP!!! Thank you that we are able to refocus and see YOU for who YOU ARE!!! I love you Jesus, please help me to LOOK UP today!

Sisters-can't live with or without them

2009-09-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if you have sisters but I have alot. I am not talking about sisters in Christ, I am talking about clothes sharing/fighting, bathroom stealing, yelling, screaming, loving, laughing, arguing, hitting, hugging, favor picking, mean word throwing, lovable, hateable, irritating, beautiful, Godly, annoying, but mostly family sisters. I have 3 biological sisters, one adopted sister, and one stand-in sister. I think that brings my total up to 5. All of them are beautiful in their own ways. One of them I don't know at all. I am not even sure she wants anything to do with me, in fact I am pretty sure she doesn't. So really lets focus on the other 4. Now if I were to really count how many of my closest friends are like sisters in that they have poured into my life and lovingly allowed me to pour into theirs I think the total is more than I have fingers. I love them all dearly and yet today I want to talk about these 4 and what they represent to me. I will name them and I will do my best (if this blogger thing will let me) to allow you to see them as the beautiful women they are...First lets start with my Beautiful Hawaiian sister Leilani...

She is beautiful both inside and out, sweet, loving, generous, giving, caring, precious, Godly, and loves me even with all my craziness. On my Birth Fathers side she was the first sibling I talked to and that was a huge deal for us both. For her, she had lived her life not knowing about me or even thinking that I existed, and then when I showed up in her life almost 5 years ago now, things were different than they are now. She didn't want to have anything to do with me. She was angry and really thought I was out to get something from the family. God made his first move. The day my Birth Father had talked to me he told me about her and that we should be close and see each other. So after our endearing conversation, I called her. Now I had no expectations or anything, I just called, not realizing that I could have been a threat to her. I remember it as clear as day our conversation. I called her and told her that I was her older sister and that I just got off the phone with our Father and that we should meet. I didn't know it until later that she had previously had issues with me and there was no way for me to know by the sound of her voice on the phone. I offered to meet her whenever she was comfortable with that and she insisted that we meet the next day. I was game so we did. See up until the moment that she heard my voice she wanted NOTHING to do with me. This is so God because if I would have even thought about it for a second I would have hesitated and probably not called but I didn't so when I did, God broke something in her that she didn't know could be broken, or maybe didn't even want it to be. From that day on, there is a deep connection that we share, and I love it. We often talk about how we missed so much time, that we don't want to miss more. We do what we can and enjoy the time we have together. I love her so deeply and now I can't imagine my life without her. There is just certain things she understands about me that no one else really gets. She loves me because I am her sister and I take care of her and our younger brother the best I can. I run my mouth in advice, even unsolicited, but she loves me anyway. I give her my thoughts and tell her the truth and not always in the most gentle way, but she loves me and I love that through OUR story God can show His faithfulness. She knows Jesus and loves Him like I do. That is such a TREASURE to me and I am so proud of her. I am blessed to have a sister who understands my Love for Jesus, even without words. In Hawaiian, Leilani means heavenly flower, and that is what she has been to me, a sign of Hope a way that Jesus wants to bless our lives even if we didn't know it existed. I love you Sister!!!

This is Mandee Rae, She is so special to me. I love her dearly, I don't get to see her as much as I would like to, but we talk and just love each other even at a distance. She has loved me and thought about me my whole life. She is from my Birth Mothers side and she is protective of me and just loves me with all that she is. We both have very cheerful spirits and I know that to her I get to be the baby sister. With Leilani, I always feel responsible for her. I know that I don't need to be but its in me to protect her and be HER big sister, so with Mandee it is a relief to be able to let her do that for me. She does and I know she does, even without us talking everyday. Our hearts are linked in a different way. She loves me as I am, mess and all and yet will allow me to grow, move and change to be who God wants me to be. The day after I talked to my Birth Mother, I called my sister Mandee at work. There were no tears just joy and laughter. It was so great. My heart had connected to hers in a new way. She had been waiting for this day her whole life and if had finally come. I was so blessed and I was glad that she had looked forward to it as well. I will never forget that conversation. Like I said it was definitely different from my conversation with Leilani, in that she knew I existed and was just waiting on the right time to see me again. I talked with her for a while and then spoke with my older brother Jason, He was the one that cried. I will tell you about him and the other boys another time. That was a great day. To give you a time frame, I spoke with my Birth Mother, the next day I spoke with Mandee. In the next few months, that is when I found and met Leilani. I told you this wouldn't be in order. I was just blessed that both of my sisters knew Jesus. I was blessed that not only did they know Him they loved Him and did what they could to walk with Him. Mandee represents forgiveness. Eventhough our past follows us, there is forgiveness. The way that God allowed me to be brought into this world was very sinful and yet He allowed forgiveness to shine more than the action. God is faithful to forgive you of EVERYTHING you have done, NO MATTER WHAT!!! This was another amazing answered prayer. I love you Sis!!!

This is my replacement sister, Tiffany. You have to understand, first, being Hawaiian EVERYONE is family over there. AND God really replaced my sister Mandee, for Tiffany while I grew up. God knew what I needed more than I did. Tiffany was my best friend and my stand in older sister. Now she lived next door to me for 9 years and I am sure that I annoyed her and was the third wheel, clingy and all the other things you can think of but that was me. Anything she said was truth, and NO ONE not even my mom could convince me otherwise. I always tried to please her and make her want to be around me more. I don't honestly remember my life without her. I don't think that ever really happened. She was the only friend I thought I needed. None of my other friends or family compared to her and that caused problems for me but I will share that later. When we were small we pretty much did everything together. My mom watched her and Chad (sometimes, when he would let her) while their parents worked and Tiffany and I had plenty of locked in garages with no electricity (thanks for THAT, you KNOW who you are), getting chased around the house, getting caught by her dad for staying up too late when we were surfing in the family room, talking in our sleep moments, fighting and me saying "We should pray" and her getting frustrated at me moments. We have lots of those but none of those take away from the sleepy tears cried over a boy, the breakup shopping spree my mom sent us on, the times where we just laid and talked, or the moments we get now. We don't get alot of them and I am honored when we do, but that is what makes us sisters. I learned A LOT from her, how to stand up for myself, to speak my mind when it is important, how to be a better friend and tell my friends the truth, how to not be the kind of person who ALWAYS says what they want to hear but what they NEED to hear, who loves unconditionally their family and friends, and someone who knows me and can feel my heart even when they are literally thousands of miles away. Tiffany represents grace in my life. God knew that plucking me from my family meant that I needed to have replacements and SHE is the grace given me. No matter how far we are from each other, no one can replace who she is to me, and I for her. I love you Tiff!! If God had to replace Mandee, I am glad you were the one chosen, I wouldn't have made it without you. I love you!!!

Finally, my love, my heart, my sister Tara. I want to tell you that she is amazing in every way. She is brilliant, smart, organized, beautiful, witty, cleaver, challenging, generous, loving, honest, truthful, forgiving, wonderful, goofy, funny, silly, crazy, a lover of Jesus, and most importantly, the one who understands all of me the best. I know I have said that about all of them, but Tara knows because we have lived together for practically 27 years, give or take a few. This beautiful girl you see here is a trooper. I didn't hurt my other sisters, like I hurt this one, and yet she loves me. I was mean and rude, and down right ugly to her, and she loves me. I loved my sister Tara for as long as she has been alive. I remember clearly that when we found out that she had been born, and born a month early, we went to the hospital. Although I was three I thought I was MUCH older, and that I would be allowed to see her. When they wouldn't let me in the neonatal unit I threw a FIT!! Imagine standing back in a hospital waiting room and seeing this little 3 year old girl in purple leotard, purple tights and a pink tutu. That was me, thinking I was a ballerina and being ever so sweet, until the hammer dropped and they told me I couldn't go, I threw a fit like no other. I remember my grandmother picking me up and trying to drag me out of the hospital, I was kicking, biting, hitting, the whole works so that I could get out of her arms and go with my parents. I wanted to see MY sister. Who were they anyways, she was MINE!!! So we proceeded out side to the courtyard where I could get as far away from my grandmother as possible, and I did, although far enough at three is where she is just little enough to still see her. So thus began my new life as a big sister to Tara. I even remember I had an opinion about her name. Well time went on and the more fun I had with her. She was like my little doll, that was until she could actually move away from me. I loved her and yet she always wanted to be with me and I didn't always want to be with her. Well I know that is normal but I loved her so much too that I was torn. Well we began to share a room and things were good, and then we moved. It was alright after that but it got a little harder. partly because I wanted to have her around and want to be around me more, yet I didn't make time for her. We started fighting and I started coping an attitude because I was getting to be a teenager, then we still loved each other and depending on who we were fighting with we were on the opposite team most of the time. If we both saw things the same way then we were fighting together against our parents. Now usually in our play fighting it with Brian now but back then things were intense. I graduated, things in my life went sour, by MY doing not anyone else, and we grew more apart. Tara would always protect and defend me if she could and it was something good, she didn't like anyone who was mean to me and didn't like anyone that would have hurt me, that I am grateful for. She stood up for me alot of times when I needed it. But when I turned 20 and MY LIFE was spinning out of control, the worst thing I could do to hurt my sister and make her not trust me, was to hurt our parents. I was awful, fortunately God STILL had His hand on me and brought me through that. I do want you to know that now God is healing and restoring our relationship to "BETTER THAN BEFORE" remember that was His promise to me. God is faithful to do exceedingly, abundantly above ALL we could ask or think and this is truly a story of that. Tara represents God's Faithfulness in Restoration. God desires for us to have a restored relationship with Him and others. Tara has beautifully taught me that. She represents that to me more than anyone else I know... I love you SISSY with all my heart, thank you for forgiving me, loving me, and allowing yourself to see me differently. I am so sorry for ALL the stuff I did to you and thank you for being YOU!!! I know that without you, I COULDN'T be ALL God wants from me. You have taught me so much and I look forward to our futures. I truly love you with every ounce of who I am and sissy, I am glad that with the mighty ducks and eveything else, you and I are on the same page.

I love each one of them, and have different relationships with them all, but the only reason this is amazing is because this is CHRIST'S story for us. He desires relationship with us, He desires to have a closeness with us in a way that NO ONE else understands. And as much as I love each of these girls and SO many others, Jesus loves them more. Thank you for sharing a part of my heart with me and I hope you remember to thank Jesus everyday for the sisters you have. Whether they are IN CHRIST or family.

Who can I bless today like these women have blessed me, and changed my life? Please let me not miss that opportunity.

My JOSEPH Life Part 2

2009-09-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have always felt a sense of being out of place and if you read my previous post that partly was because of the questions, I also believe that it was because I had to have questions for another part of my story to come true. I have to warn you that this isn't going to be in order because there are way too many aspects of my life that are all connected so I am going as I am directed...

As these questions progressed in my ears, I grew more curious. I knew that I needed to begin to seek out my family even if I ended up with a dead end, or problems. See in my mind when I was younger I wanted to wait until I was married and not living in my parents house to find my family, just in case there was some problems, but God had other things in store. When I was in the summer before me entering my Esthetics class, I had this very STRONG desire to seek my family out. I had heard one time that when you make BIG choices in your life you should take a week before making a BIG purchase or making a BIG decision. So with that in mind that is what I did, I prayed for it for 7 days and then about 2 hours after the 7 days was up I applied online. I only went to the free registering websites and put in all the information that I had, but I didn't expect ANYTHING. Within 4 hours I had an email giving me information on my birthmother. I went to my parents and made sure that they were ok with things before I contacted her. The conversation answered alot of my questions but there was SO much more to see and walk through. Over the next few days I got to talk to my family and eventually I met my aunts and some of my cousins and then I got to meet my birth mom. Then, a few months later my birth father wrote me a letter to let me know that he was aware that I was looking for everyone and I was in the middle or writing him back. I got a phone call and it was him. We talked for almost two hours, the next day I went to meet my sister who lives here in Long Beach. It was the most AMAZING thing to see someone who looked like me in ways and laughed like me. That was the beginning of all the relationships it has been an amazing journey so far and I love that we have the rest of our lives together. It has helped me understand myself more and silenced those penetrating questions. I love that we have relationships with each other and that God is using this as a way to complete me. I am so blessed to be able to see his saving grace in my life.

The reason that I call this My Joseph story is because God literally picked my up out of the situation I was born into and placed me in a different one. God has shown me over and over that I would have been forgotten by the world and so He placed me into a loving family that blesses me each and every day. I have an older brother and an older sister that God removed me from and gave me Chad and Tiff. My brother and sister are pretty much the same ages as they are, and personalities are very similar. I love how God writes our stories. I have a younger brother who actually just called me last night and told me that he proposed to his girlfriend last night and is getting married. I can't tell you how amazing it is to have this family be APART of my life now. I know that God did it in His own time and in His own way but this is apart of the story that He is writing for me. The best thing I could cling to growing up was a sense that there were 4 people who loved me, 2 who gave me up and 2 to bring me in and love me like their own. I am grateful everyday that this is My God-given story. There are so many more things I want to share with you but I will save those for a later date. I will leave you with some pictures of my family.

My JOSEPH Life Part 1

2009-09-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

My friend asked me the other day if I was going to start to write my testimony out on here. Well I decided that I think it may be time for certain things. I know that I have eluded to certain aspects of my life and I am not sure what you know or don’t know about me but I will tell you what I believe I need to share. Other things will be left for later, a book or other things I will write. So here is the first of many about me.

I am adopted and as a young girl, I mean 2, 3, and 4 years old. I struggled with many questions. Who I looked like and who I talked like, why I reacted the way I did and who’s smile I had. Although I had an amazing childhood and was definitely allowed to have a childhood, which I am very aware that others were not afforded these necessary and simple luxuries I was allowed well into my teen years. These questions, I am aware, are not your typical questions but not having anything to go on other than my mom telling me that I was special, that her, my dad and Jesus loved me just the way I was became harder as I got a baby sister who looked like them. She had blond hair, blue eyes and a temperament much like they did. It was hard for me to NOT feel like I stuck out, and some of the people I looked up to most in the whole world always lovingly teased me, but while I already had questions. They made it obvious to me that other people saw what I saw. I don’t blame them or even care anymore but I tell you this so that later you can see what I did in how God truly brought Romans 8:28 to life for me. This defined me all the way into my 20’s. These burning questions got stronger as my sister and I grew older and apart. That is another story I may tell one day, but as for my questions I grew intrigued by them. Through this God had his hand on me and surrounded me with people who made these questions scream at me. I had nothing to go on, I had no direction and I had NO plan of action to make these questions relent. So I continued on my journey with these things screaming in my ear. Now I want you to know that I am not saying that these things destroyed me or made life harder, they didn’t, they were just constantly at the front of my mind. It was always the question of “What if I see someone who looks like me? Could THAT be my brother/sister? If they came and found me what would I do? Who am I if I know them? What family does that REALLY make me apart of? Who am I in and of myself? Why didn’t they want me? What is wrong with me that they didn’t want me? How many sisters and brothers do I have? Will they like me? Do they know about me?” I am sure that you may have had questions like this rise up, I just want you to know that you are not alone. I have dealt with these questions for a long time. I know what it is like and hopefully this gives you the insight to who I am and where I come from. These questions would later be answered and the relentless outcry of them would eventually cease, but not without soaking my pillow, clothes and face with many, many tears. You see even as I began to head in the direction of finding family and allowing my questions to be answered, allot of damage could have been avoided. Aside from some other things that happened in my life, I had turned out to be a pretty awful person. I wanted to silently make others live in the pain I was feeling and wasn’t totally ready to give up the rights to my rejection, pain and hurt. I felt that they were MINE to hold onto and that I had a RIGHT to feel anyway I wanted because I WAS A VICTIM and I WAS HURTING!!! That is a LIE!!! I am not ENTITLED to ANYTHING, I am given things in this life by grace, God’s great GRACE ALONE!!! Because He loves me I am blessed to have things and others love me. Because He loves me I was chosen for this journey and because HE loves me I am able to write and express God’s love to this dying world. Notice nothing is because of me, I just get the end result. I get to have the amazing blessing of being loved by my gracious Savior. There is so many things that I want to share with you about this but I will wait for a better time. So as for now I want to leave you with this, there will ALWAYS be questions in life and there will always be things to make you question yourself. In all of life’s questions remember that no matter what YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD! You ARE loved by an amazing Creator and no matter what you have gone through in life there is HOPE for YOU!!! Keep that in mind when questions scream…

Dead, Gone and Bringing RAIN!!!

2009-09-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down. It can come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and people. You just get back up and move along. You can’t allow it to keep you down forever. You will have to get up and fight. I have been the walking wounded for some time now and I know that things are painful and you loose those that you love, you loose people that you care about and its always good to know how strong you really are. These are things that we need to be reminded of often. It isn’t so hard to see your own strength when things are good, it takes those times that you are literally the walking wounded to see how much strength you have and how you can grow from it. Like Job we have to love God even when it hurts. Love is never easy but it is always the better way. Just keep in mind that Love never lets you down, People do!!! In my bible is says God is Love, and so because of that, you have to know that He does NOT disappoint, because He knows what is best for us. One of my favorite songs is Dead and Gone, by T.I. This may seem weird and I am going to allow you to read some of the lyrics in a moment but I wanted to explain why this song gives me hope. I have been wounded, in this war that we each fight everyday, many times and that is alright by me. Some wounds were superficial and some are deep to the core of who I am. This last core wound nearly struck me down in a different way than before. See most of the times before they been direct attacks on my family members and if they were attacks on me then I feel they were well deserved. Walking in sin has that consequence and I knew that and was willing to take responsibility for my actions. But this time was different, this time, it was directed at me. This time I was called names and told that I was a sinner who doesn’t know how to walk with God. Now, I rededicated my life to the Lord about 3 ½ years ago now and I was told that I have only been a Christian for that long and that nothing before mattered. I get that to a point but in my quiet times with the Lord, NEVER once did He say that to me. He told me that I would be RESTORED to better than I was before. Now that tells me that I was there before and yet turned away and now God is on the thrown of my heart once again, where He belongs. Sometime I will tell you how He was violently removed from His rightful place by me but not today. I want you to see what happened when He was gloriously placed back on it. I want you to read the lyrics first and then I will continue the process of His return.

I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my sideI turn my head to the west, still nobody in sightSo I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call prideThat old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alrightI turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my sideI turn my head to the west, still nobody in sightSo I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call prideThat old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright, 'causeOh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too longJust tryin' to find my way back homeBut the old me's dead and goneDead and goneAnd oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too longJust tryin' to find my way back homeBut the old me's dead and goneDead and gone.

This song is totally what happened and that was to allow God to show me that all I need is Him. All I need to do is run to Him and let His love fill my life. I was utterly cut to my core and as this happened God allowed me the time I needed to process this. You don’t ever come out of major injury or surgery totally 100% better the next day. Any Dr. will tell you that your physical body needs time to heal, just as much as your spirit does. There is a process that takes place, as you continue to lay it down, and realize that God is your ONLY option of being rescued and healed. There are so many things that happen to me but the most important one is that that God REACHED down and RESCUED me from the ASHES I was in. I was laying down ready to die. I may have but there was a glimmer of hope for me. The best way to describe this glimmer is like when one small piece of left over glitter is found on something after days of showers and washing clothes, there was this moment I saw it. It was ordained by God Himself but it was in that moment that I found hope. I haven't been the same since. So now the song I sing is a song called, “Bring the Rain” by MercyMe and I will leave you with those lyrics:

I can count a million times People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone throughThe question just amazes me Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in You Maybe since my life was changed Long before these rainy days It's never really ever crossed my mind To turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm But instead I draw closer through these times So I pray Bring me joy, bring me peace Bring the chance to be free Bring me anything that brings You glory And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me whats a little rain Holy, holy, holy Holy, holy, holy is the lord God almighty is the lord God almighty I'm forever singing
everybody singing Holy holy holyyou are holy you are holy

I’m OVER IT!! But really can I be…

2009-08-13T07:38:00.000-07:00

If I am over being single and I am over having to walk onto the dance floor at a wedding because I am 1 of 5 single girls there, and yet if I am wanting God’s best and not my own and I am wanting to do things His way, and willing to wait for His Perfect mate…Then the question really is why am I OVER it if HE isn’t? Why am I DONE with something that HE isn’t done doing in me? Why do I think I know better than He does for my life? And REALLY am I over IT or am I over myself? What is the underlining question here? What am I really tired of? Because to be perfectly honest, when I take a step back and really EXAMINE everything I do like my life, I like my freedom and I like the way that I can be flexible and give of my time unlike someone who is married and can’t as freely as I am able to at this point in my life. I am able to stay up all night at a Lock-in so that the Youth at my church will be blessed. I am able to babysit the girls that I love so much whenever necessary because the time God has given me NOW is His time to give away to others as He has called me to do. I am not one who always has a lot of money to give away I want to give of all that I have, and at this point in my life, I give my time to others because I can’t get that back! You can always get money back and you can always get material things back but time is IRREPLACEABLE and that is sometimes more precious to people than money. My dad says that no matter what people won’t always remember what you did or didn’t do, what you said, or how you acted, but they will always remember that way you made them feel. For example I was reading in a magazine this morning about some of the cast from that movie “10 things I hate about you.” They were talking about what they remember and one of the girls said that she remembers how Heath Ledger made her feel. That movie was made 10 years ago and he has been dead for ober a year and that is what she remembered. You may be reading this right now thinking “how does that tie into this other thing?” Well let me show you…God calls us to be actively waiting for His promises. He wants us to be busy doing His work as we wait for Him. Just like the Parable of the 10 virgins. If you aren’t sure what I am talking about look up the parable in: Matt. 25:1-13. The 5 that were ready go to go in when the bridegroom came and the other 5 got left. My point in saying this is that, Ok track with me here…If my time is what I can give to others at this point and I can make the best use of it until I am divided with my time because of a husband and family, and if I am supposed to continue serving others in the ways that I can, Then should I really be over it, or should I be in it? Right smack dab in the middle of it and praising God for the gift that He has bestowed upon me. I know that there are pressures and things that make us think that if it doesn’t happen for us when it is happening to others then some how we aren’t doing what is right. That is a lie and I believe that I am in the right place now at the right time. I want to serve God while I am waiting, as one of my favorite songs says. I want to be serving God so that everything else pales in comparison and that I am furthering the Kingdom. So to answer the question stated at the Top of this blog, NO you can’t be over something if God isn't ready for you to be. You can feel over it and I have felt that many times BUT honestly you can’t be over something REALLY when God wants you in the middle of it. You can’t be DONE with something, if God isn’t DONE with you, and having you right where you are to accomplish HIS will for you, in you and through you. Your testimony might be what it takes to reach another life for Christ. You don’t know, so take a step back, ask God for rest if you need it in this situation and then live out Romans 8:28-39, Conquer it instead of letting it conquer you. Thank you Jesus that you WILL give us this strength if we ask you for it.

Gold vs. Apathy

2009-05-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

I know that it has been a while since I have actually allowed my heart to be opened to writing again. So here we go...What is the difference between Apathy and Gold? How is it that they can even be compared, when one is an attitude and one is a tangible substance. Well let me show you. It may not seem like it but its funny how apathy comes in, makes a home and begins to bleed in to other areas in life. If you let it run its course, it WILL kill you slowly but definitely will end in death. I want to say that this is coming from personal experience and I want to call it what it is so that it has NO MORE power. I was hurt to my core and accused of some pretty awful things a few months ago, I have been trying to nurse my wounds and move on but it just hasn't seemed possible. I have wanted to be victorious and yet this seed of Apathy remained. It was the voice that said it was ok to allow your self to feel self pity and sit in it for a while. Although Ps. 1 says Blessed is he who doesn't sit in the seat of scoffers, isn't that what I have been doing in a way with myself. Scoffing myself and making my flesh feel better. YES!!! I will readily admit that. I need to take a step back and just allow the healing power of God to restore me, His way, and in His time. I can't rush it and I can't stop it, I can totally hinder it but I can't stop it. Not if I want to walk with God and be used by Him in the ways that He has planned for me. I was realizing that these trials that have gone on are similar to ones that I have endured before and have now hit different but still hard and hurtful. I just see that God is testing my heart again to make sure that I don't make the same mistakes that I did before. I just want to be pleasing to Him and I want to make sure that when trials come and when I am put through the fire, I come out as pure GOLD!!! That is my desire, no matter what I am walking through and no matter how much Apathy is at my back, I want to fulfill the desire of My ABBA! My daddy! I want His will above my own and I want Him to be what gets me through. I heard from a wise woman just a few weeks ago that when trials and such come her way, the only thing she wants is for God to promise her that when the trial is still over, she will still love Jesus! She didn't ask to be removed and she didn't want the trial to not teach her what she needs to know, she just wanted to make sure that no matter what she went through she would still love Jesus! How many of us can say that ultimately that is our goal? I couldn't before but today that is the only goal I have when I face trials and tribulation. Just like it says in James 1:2-8

"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he
does."
So I want to consider it JOY and focus on the fact that no matter what God NEVER changes and his love for me remains, He desires for me to learn and loves me enough to change me no matter how hard it is. There are two songs that come to mind when I think of how the Lord allows us to walk through pain and yet remain in Him if we stay close to Him. Please read these songs and be blessed.
"Come let us return unto the Lord(8 x's) He has torn us But He will heal us For He has wounded us But He will bandage us And he will come He will come to us like rain, spring rain He will come to us like rain, spring rain If we ask, He will come Send His rain on everyone For every child (soul) needs rain, spring rain For every child (soul) needs rain, spring rain" Come Let Us Return-Kevin Prosch
"When you've been broken, broken to pieces.And Your heart begins to faint'cause you don't understand.And when there is nothing to rake from the ashes.And you can't even walkonto the fields of praise.But I bow down and kiss the Son.Oh, and I bow down and kiss the Son.Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth.Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth.Well, though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.Well, though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.Though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.Though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.When the rock falls, falls upon you.And you get ground to dustno music for your pain.You open the windows, the windows of heaven.And then You opened meand You crushed me like a rose." Kiss the Son-Kevin Prosch
Thank you Jesus for getting me through, Thank you that the sting is slowly fading and that You have plans for MY LIFE!! I love you Jesus!!!! Father you have placed me here for such a time as this. Esther 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Thank you Father that you have plans to make me better and not to harm me. Thank you that you are faithful and thank you that you have allowed me to walk through this time and rest but NOW you are calling me to fight once again. I take the challenge with great Honor and stand Victorious. I love you ABBA!!!

Words...

2009-03-28T23:45:00.000-07:00

I know that it is really hard at times to hear things about you that you don't like and already know. I know that when someone points out the hard things in us we have two choices. We can get bitter and not allow some of those changes to make us better. OR we can take what they say, separate it out and allow only the things that will make us better, make their way into our hearts and soul. Recently this happened to me and I have been struggling with how to decipher between what is truth and what isn't. I am a firm believer that God has a plan in EVERYTHING and that He allows us to be hurt so that He can make us into who HE designed for us. I believe that he ALLOWS those things to make us more like Him. We have to allow that change to happen though. We can resist but that just makes it harder. I know for me I don't want to miss ANY opportunities for Christ's Love to flow from me. Now that isn't to say I haven't done that, but I don't want to EVER choose that NOT to be the outcome. I have said it before and I will say it again, If I have to walk through the fire to prevent someone else having to do that then I AM MORE THAN WILLING to do that. I choose to go before others and take the bullets so someone else who may not be as strong to fight it doesn't have to face those things if I can help it. I just want God to use me His way an not mine. Ok, so now that you know you have a choice what will you choose? I want other peoples words to ALWAYS draw me closer to God. Just know that when you choose to love others, you choose to be hurt by them and when you care about them you choose to experience the Joy that comes as well. You can't avoid pain and you can't avoid those things in our lives that God wants to change. SO as Easter draws near, lets allow the love and moving of the Holy Spirit to change us and make us more like Jesus. The one who died and gave Himself up, for US!!! Thank you Jesus for that Amazing Love.

Live and Balance EVERYTHING

2009-03-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

I know that it has been awhile and so I thought I would give some time to sharing with you what has been going on with me and how things are changing in me. I am relearning to live as ME. I have always been that way to an extent and I have always tried to not allow things others say dictate my choices, especially the older that I get and I work at not allowing them to make me try and have to be anyone other than EXACTLY who God made me to be. But lately it has been brought out to my attention that I have been trying to be someone that others have convinced me for years I HAVE to be. That simply isn’t true. All I can do is be true to who I am and who God has made me to be. I have to be honest with myself and allow God to direct me. The other day my dad was talking about how we make plans and they don’t seem to go the same way that we had planned. I know that something we KNOW what we are to do and yet our plans don’t seem to work. But it is only when we truly let go of what we want that God is allowed the room to do in us what HE wants and all that He desires for us to do in our lives. I know that this may seem so simple but it was a simple truth that totally hit me right between the eyes. I had an amazing person tell me to “LIVE” and I will be pleasing God. WOW!!! No one has ever said that to me. I have been trying for so long and so hard to be right with God and ONLY through JESUS’ BLOOD can that happen. I CAN’T do it on my own. It isn’t what I can accomplish or how much I include Him in my daily tasks, but it is how I respond and how I choose to LIVE. I want HIM to shine through me but that is only when I GIVE HIM the ROOM. I have to just honestly sit at His feet. I know that to many people that may seem like a cop out but the reality of it is stated in the bible, when Jesus is talking to Martha and tells her that sitting at His feet is the better choice. Now there is also a thing called balance, and that I have NEVER done well. But I am learning how to do that and I am learning how to properly apply the things that I know. It’s hard when you know fundamentals of Christianity but to get your heart to understand what you know in your head is the challenge. You can’t make your heart understand, that has to honestly be an act of God and trust me, in my life, it is. Today I am learning how to be me and not have all this RELIGIOUS stuff that has been shoved down my throat for so long. I have to clean out the pipes and filter through all the stuff I know and live in the reality that I have been called to, “For such a time as this.” Thank you Jesus for showing me this before it is too late. I know Lord that YOU planned BIG things in my life and I KNOW you put that in me, but Lord I want to wait on you. Thank you for your timing, and for your will to be accomplished. Thank you that You planned these things long ago and I can trust them. Thank you that I can trust YOUR WILL. Thank you that YOU are faithful in ALL you do and thank you that no matter what I DO, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR WAY!!! Thank you so much for loving me just as I am, and yet changing me and making me become more like you and better than I am today. Thank you for revealing these simple truths to me so that I can learn and not have to walk through this AGAIN!!! Thank you that you love me and sent your Son to die on the cross for me. Thank you so much that you have taught me to LIVE and BALANCE. I love you Faithful Father!!!

Unveil my eyes...

2009-01-11T22:06:00.001-08:00

The past few days I have been reminded of how often God speaks and desires us to listen and yet we often mistake that for ourselves or outer noise. Well I have been desiring for God to speak more to me and so I spoke the same words Samuel did as a child. "Speak to me Lord, for your servant is listening." WOW!!! Talk about opening the flood gates of Heaven. I think as I did that something in MY spirit broke and was able to hear more clearly what to listen for. I have learned that when my spirit is silent and when I have one ear to the Lord in all I do, that is when I can hear him more clearly. Now sometimes it takes more than asking once, sometimes you have to pursue it and continue to ask and push through the struggle. And yet other times there is this grace that flows down from Heaven that is given to me just at the right time. I want you to know that even now I am attentive to what you need to hear and so I am being as obedient as possible to write out His very Heart for YOU! This is not of me or even my words, these are the words of the Lord. The Precious Father who looks on you with favor and Loves you with an everlasting LOVE. Thank you Jesus that you are able to see past all of my doubts and get right to the heart of the matter when I am obedient to you. Thank you that this past week you have shown me that even as I am obedient to you and that you have BIG things for me but when you entrust these things to me you have to see me be obedient in the small things first. Thank you that you are writing for me and that I can just obey your very words. Thank you that nothing can distract me from running this race. Thank you that when you speak things happen. Thank you that when you speak the whole earth trembles. Thank you that you have shown me that just as Samuel was obedient as a child so have I tried to be since I was young. Thank you that others think I am crazy. Thank you that you open doors NO MAN can shut! Thank you that what you put together no man can separate. Thank you that you are in control of ALL the situations in each of our lives. Thank you that I can be your voice to the Nations. Thank you that you have a special place for me to fit into with every part of who I am, Your creation. Thank you that I can worship MY Creator and King. Thank you that you are not only the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and Prince of Peace, but YOU are the LOVER OF MY SOUL! Thank you that you are Faithful to your word and none of your words fall to the ground. You are not a MAN, that you should lie! Thank you that you have our best interest at heart EVERY time. Thank you that you are the calmer of the sea and that as a testimony you showed me that tonight. See I have been praying for something to happen lately and it just hasn't seemed like it was going to happen and yet God continues to speak. He continues to talk to me about the next step and how to proceed. I know that he desires to give good gifts to His children and that He is faithful to answer prayers. Thank you for that. Thank you that you are speaking to me even now. Thank you that you can do anything but we choose to allow ONLY your will to happen in our lives. We give you our hearts and minds and we Choose YOU! "Speak to me Lord for your child is here, listening. Speak to ME Lord, for your child is here, waiting on YOU! Unveil My eyes, let me see you! Unveil My heart, let me know you! Father do!" These are words from a song that Rebecca St. James wrote. Speak them as you go about your day and see what HE says to you. I am sure it will blow your mind. I know that just as much as He desires to talk to ME, He desires to talk to you too. He wants you to give Him the room that HE needs, and the ability to speak to you. He wants you to trust Him with all your heart like it says in Proverbs. Thank you for speaking to me even through this. Thank you that you have come to this world to seek and save that which was lost. Unveil my eyes let me see you today! Thank you that you are behind this all asking us to trust you more. Thank you and I love you so much! I love you Faithful Father.

Prayer

2008-12-24T23:42:00.000-08:00

Its Christmas Eve and I am so excited to see what these next few hours bring. I know that God is calling me to do some warfare for friends at this time and I am just so honored to be able to do that. I love it when God uses me. I love that I can help others get closer to God just by praying for them and I love that He hears me and knows my voice. Thank you Father for knowing my voice. Thank you that you hear my prayers. Whether it be for a friend or not I am honored that you hear me and see my heart in it all. As the house settles down from a wonderful time of fellowship and fun, Everyone settles in for the night and I pull out my computer so that I can allow myself the time in the stillness to hear Gods heart for you today. There are so many things that can get in the way of what God wants to do in your life today. God wants communion with you, and he desires for you to include him in all the things that you do. I wonder that if you were as aware of God as He is of you if you would do certain things, I know that I wouldn't and I also wouldn't treat others the way that my flesh often desires to do. I fall short all the time and I always fail but I know that when I need to be on my knees, I try to listen. I try and obey God in that as much as possible. I thank God that He desires to listen to us and answer our prayers. I know that in life I have learned that not everything I pray for will be done MY way, but it will be done better because its Gods way! I love that my precious Heavenly Father allows me to share with him my heart, whether it be frustrations, joys, pain, anger, or passion. I am able to experience all of those things with HIM!!! I am so blessed that I cam not only called to prayer, and warfare but I remain HIS child. Which means that when I am in Warfare HE is looking out for me, He is protecting me, and HE is ultimately going to fight for me when I get weak and can't fight on my own. Even as I sit here the battles that I am engaged in come to mind. I have to allow them to take over so I can fight yet I have to remember and remind everything around me that the WAR is already won. That this fight is already finished and that God has written this story from the end to the beginning. War is something that is not easy and isn't always fun! But it is what we are called to do in every aspect of our lives. We are called to fight on the behalf of others and ourselves, for circumstances, and to stand up to the enemy and take back the ground that he has claimed. I know that there are moments of weakness in my fighting and I want to take back that ground. Its hard when you are so tired and just want to sleep. Lately I have been asked to stay up until the wee hours of the morning praying for things, and yet as those things get closer to the finish line, the fight gets that much harder. I know that if I want ALL God has for me then I need to engage in the battle and not allow my flesh to rule what I know needs to happen. I want to point out that this strength that you see isn't from me, It is from Christ alone. I know that it could look as if I am this strong person who desires to fight and even if I am tired I continue. Yes there are moments of that amount of self-control and strength but that isn't always the case. I am weak and the only amount of strength that I put forth is from Christ alone. I have to allow him to the room to give me that so that I can accomplish all that I need to in prayer. Prayer is a big thing and I know that most people think that prayer is just something to do as a last resort but really why is it the last thing people think about? How come it isn't the first thing you do when there is a situation that requires more than just the wisdom and knowledge you have. Whether it be good or bad why is it that we don't think to bring you the situation first Lord! Well I think that needs to change. I know for me I am going to make that my New Years resolution, Make prayer first on the list rather than second or even a last resort. Thank you Lord that this next year I will be able to work on giving you my first fruits in EVERY part of my life. I desire to be able to show you more and more how much you mean to me. I honestly think that we need to remember that prayer was Jesus' first priority when he was here on earth and if we are to live my his example maybe that should be ours as well. Prayer is where the battlefield lies and I desire to stand my ground and conquer more so meet me there. I will be waiting to stand side by side with you and take back what Satan has stolen and is rightfully ours!!! Thank you Father for Warfare!

Covered

2008-12-23T01:26:00.000-08:00

So tonight I went to the beach with a friend and God spoke and met us there in a new way. Her and I have been praying for God to move in a new way and for us he is. We have been praying that he would reveal to us things and that he would confirm them to us and to others. Thank you Lord that you hear our prayers. Thank you Lord that you desire to give us insight to things you are doing and are about to do. Thank you that you love us that much! So we were sitting there talking and reading each other scriptures that God was revealing to us and he then spoke very clearly. He said to her, "Just as the wind is blowing in your direction so I am blowing those things to you and just as the waves are crashing one right after the other that is how these things are coming." YAY!!! Thank you Father God for speaking those things to us. Thank you so much for allowing us to hear you and for us to be able to stand in that when everything else around us seems to want to say no. I say this with excitement and a bit of caution because when God begins to move in your life you need to be ready for the Good, the bad, and the UGLY!!! I mean that warfare thing I have mentioned before. I say this because with this amazing revelation I must start with what happened last night, We were again at the beach after an amazing service and we were praying and God told us to write out the vision. So we did just that for this next year and how we wanted to end this year. On our way home, as I was turning into her neighborhood, I got this strange feeling of being covered and that I now had been given a new mantel and covering. It felt like a blanket was put over my soul. I turned to my friend and told her what I had just felt and she said she felt it too. WOW! Father you are amazing to allow us to share in that moment the same experience. Well that was amazing but then I went home and prayed as usual and fell asleep. In that time of sleep I was disturbingly woken up because I couldn't breath. Now I have asthma and so because of that I know this feeling well. I woke up in sheer panic because not breathing is a shock to your body. So in that I was awaken and tried to catch my breath and breathe again so that I could sleep again. In that moment of panic, I did all I could to praise the Lord. I knew it was an attempt to get me to back down from what I know is true and although I know who I am in Christ, I believe so does our enemy, the devil. I believe that he probably knows even more than I do at times who I am in Christ, I need to remember that. So even though I know that he CANNOT touch me without first going through Gods hands, I do know that I am at war with him and he will do all he can to bring me down. I know that I have to fight until my Sweet Savior calls me home. Thank you Father for your protection, and that you allow us to feel some of the warfare so that we continue to fight and desire you more. Thank you that you allow us to be so taken with who you are that all the rest of the stuff is just that, Stuff! Thank you that no matter what you are our covering and you protect us from the enemy. Thank you for covering us and allowing us to e covered even in the physical. Thank you for allowing us to feel you and always be reminded that you are ultimately in control. We love you and thank you for speaking these things to us. I love you with all that I am!!!

Rain

2008-12-17T13:05:00.000-08:00

I've got the sweet victory in Jesus! Today it is raining and I am here thinking about all the things that I am facing in the next few days. I know that God is moving and I know that God is bigger than the storm I am facing today. He says to me to keep my eyes on Him and allow the waves to crash around me and to remain faithful in all he asks of me. Thank you Jesus that you choose to even talk to me. Thank you that you are moving and shaking things today. There is something different about today and I know that His mighty power is going to change things for me so that I don't have to worry about anything but Loving my King. I just need to keep focused on the fact that I am here and I am walking to my victory. We are victorious as we walk through these things in our lives that show us who we really are. I just want to come out as pure Gold! I want God to see that I will be faithful to the end. I Thank you Lord that I am able to stand here today and look back and see that you have brought us through so much to get us to this point and move us on. Thank you that You desire to show us how amazing you are and all we have to do is let others know how these things in our lives have come. BY YOU and YOU alone! Thank you for the amazing testimony that we will all get to share with others so that you can bring them into the fold. Thank you Jesus that you came to this earth as a baby to save us all from Hell. Thank you that in this Christmas season you are still moving and shaking up this earth. Thank you that we can learn how to humbly move in this world because we have the BEST example of that. Thank you that no matter way YOU are making things work out for our good. Thank you that no matter what we see, we listen to what your heart speaks to us. Thank you for the ability to know your heart for me. Thank you that you are giving me insight to things so that I can better pray for others. THank you Lord that you choose to love us so that we can love you right back. Thank you for your faithfulness, many blessings, friends, family, and material things. Thank you that the only way to see your heart sometimes is to seek it out in others. Thank you that ONLY YOU complete us fully. I love you Father for your many blessings. Thank you for loving me enough to give me what you have and desire to pour out more. Thank you Jesus that TODAY you have opened the flood gates of Heaven and began to change things in all of our lives.

Singing over you!

2008-12-02T22:12:00.000-08:00

I love when God stretches my faith and allows me to see all that he is taking out of me so that new stuff can be put in. I love that God is showing me that things in this life should only be trivial compared to the Glory of who He is. I love that no matter what my best interest is all he has in mind, Even if my best interest isn't what I want. These past few days God has really been stretching me to see my reactions and to see how things will happen. I know that no matter the outcome he desires for me to change and be more like him. I love it and I can't wait to see the results of this trial. Yes in the mean time it is hard to walk through and there are moments that I feel like I can't go on, or that I just want it to be over, yet in that I remember to enjoy the process. I always want to take the bad with the good and not just be thankful for the easy stuff in my life. I want to be just as grateful for the tough stuff because that is what makes you stronger and changes you. I am not saying that I want to always walk through the hardships but I am saying that whether good or bad I want my outlook, my response and my hearts cry to all be the same thing. Thank you Jesus for all you have done. Thank you for the trial so that the victory is that much more sweet, thank you for the heartbreak because only you can truly love me the way that I need to be loved. In all these things, good or bad God looks at your heart and to see if you are going to react or respond to him. I am not perfect but I do want my response to always be grateful and loving to the Lover of my soul. He is the only man that can love me the way that I need to be loved at any moment throughout my day. He is the only man that can know my thoughts and answer me before I even get the words out. He is the only man that I can feel his heart beat in time with mine everyday. He loves me this way and in that allows me to walk through hard ships, yet never makes me walk them alone. He is always before me, behind me, and on either side of me, making sure that only the things that touch me pass through his hands first. Thank you Jesus for your protection. I know that no matter what God has a plan in this trial I am walking through, God doesn't say those things about me like others are, and He is working behind the scenes to make sure everything is ready all at once. Thank you for the blessings you are getting ready to pour down. Thank you for opening the flood gates of heaven. Thank you so much for all that you have for me. Thank you for speaking to me today in your still small voice that silences all other voices. Thank you that you did call me to walk on water. See today I was in my car driving on the freeway and I began to pray about the situation at hand and all that it entails. As I did I remembered that back in the summer of this year God called me to step out of the boat and walk on water to him. Well on 8-8-08 I did that and began my journey to where I am today. I was talking with my Savior and told him that I had stepped out of the boat and that I needed his help, He told me to not look at the circumstances around me but to look at him. Not to look at the waves that seem so big and want to crash around me, I need to look at Jesus. I want to listen to what God is telling me to do and Listen to the voice of Truth. I am not sure if you have ever heard that song and if not you need to, it is by Casting Crowns but it talks about listening to Gods voice rather than the lies of the enemy. But the best part of that song is the bridge, "the stone was just the right size to knock the giant on the ground, the waves they don't seem so high from the top of them looking down, I will soar on the wings of eagles, when I stop and listen to the sounds of Jesus singing over me. The voice of truth tells me a different story, when the voice of trust says do not be afraid. And the voice of truth says this is for MY GLORY out of all the voices calling out to me, I will chose to listen and believe the voice of truth." WOW! What powerful words. First, talking about David killing Goliath, then Peter walking on water, then in Isaiah where is says that we will soar on the wings of eagles, and last when it talks about how Jesus sings over us with LOVE!!! Wow, what an amazing thing. Jesus sings over us with love. Thank you Jesus! I love that you love me that much Lord that you even sing over me with your love. Thank you for that. Thank you for your grace and your mercy. So remember that when the waves seem so high that they are going to take you down with them, Jesus is singing over you with love. Allow His love to fill your heart, mind and day with his voice of Truth. Believe it! I choose to, and so should you!

Give of yourself

2008-12-01T00:24:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I got to spend some time with a really good friend of mine. She is an amazing person and I know that when it comes to age she is younger yet when it comes to maturity in the Lord she is right there with me. I love it!!! I am learning from her in ways that only come from God! It is amazing. I am just so blessed by her every time she opens her mouth and I get to spend time with her. I know that if you knew her like I do you would feel the same way. I know that God has placed us together for such a time as this. I know that she is going to be in my life for the rest of it! I love her heart in everything she experiences. I love that the Lord speaks to her in ways that are so clear and so amazing. I love her Faith in Christ and how she sees him. I got to know her better by being able to spend this time with her and I can't wait to see God fulfill the promises to her he has made. I know that she is growing and maturing in new ways everyday and I love being able to be confident in her to share with her things that I am walking through and living out as well. I love that God has made her such a speaker of who He is and I love that she blesses others and that is in her heart. I know that there are so many thing that God has put in her heart to be able to bless others and I love that she knows there is a time and place for that. I say all these things to you to remind you that no matter what age you are, God wants to use you. I know that it may seem weird if you are young and it may seem hard if you are older but God honestly wants to us you in every way possible. He has others for you to bless. He has people who need your youthfulness to keep them young, he has young people who need your Godly wisdom of years. There are some many around you that need you. Please don't hesitate because you think God can't use you. It says in the bible that if you don't cry out the rocks will cryout in your place. I sure don't want a rock taking my place and I want to do all that God has for me to do. It says that for Baalam to do what God wanted him to do, his donkey had to speak to him. WOW!!! That would have made me feel really stupid. I would way rather do what God wants me to do in my own choice than to have an animal or a rock do it in my place. So if you see others who need you whether young or old, take them in and understand that God uses all things to help us know him better and be more like him. Each of us has a different part of the Father that others may not have but totally want, so give of yourself today to others, just like my friend does with me, and I with her. God wants to bless you through others, its another way for him to love on you. Thank you Jesus for your love and for your faithfulness. Thank you for allowing us to love others and for them to love us so that we can have a glimpse of you in our physical world. Thank you!!!!

To speak or not?

2008-11-26T01:28:00.000-08:00

There are things that happen in life that you can't control and then there are things that happen that you can control. So how do you know when to step in and when to let go? How do you tell your friend that they aren't acting right and when do you leave that up to God? When do you step in to help a friend that is on a downward spiral and when do you let God be their savior and realize you are not? The only answer that I have for that is seek God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and let him lead and guide you! Allow him to show you when to speak and when to remain silent, when to point out things to them and when to refrain. I believe that when you are more attentive to what God wants to do or say to someone, healing can come from that. I know that for me, I have been in situations when I have wanted to share something and yet felt that tug on my heart to remain silent. I can honestly say that I haven't always taken my own advice and remained silent, but when I knew that I should and allowed God to do what he needed to, things have changed and taken a turn for the better. I also know that when I don't listen and speak out of turn there is an element of Grace that God gives, but I would rather be obedient than to always have to wait for that grace when I could have avoided it in the first place. I believe that book of Ecclesiaties says it well when King Solomon says that there is a place and time for everything under the sun. I just know that I want to help situations and not hinder them. I don't ever want to get in the way of what God is doing, even though I am sure that I have, I choose to listen. I want to be known in my life as someone who speaks at the right times and who remains silent until that time comes. Even the past few weeks in my life this has been a learning process. There has been alot of things that have come to my attention or been shown to me and I need to remember to remain silent when appropriate. I have always prayed that none of my words would ever fall to the ground, and knowing that is my heart, I have to also remember to only speak when it is time about certain things. My dad told me a long time ago something I believe Mother Theresa said: "I have often regretted something I said, but never once have I regretted not saying something." I am understanding this more and more. I am not someone who lives with regrets. I decided along time ago that what ever things happen in my life I wouldn't live with regret. I would allow the circumstances to make me better, and to not be a victim but be a warrior. So even though I have done some STU-PID things in my life, I don't live with any regret. I wouldn't be who I am today with out ALL of my past. But that is where it remains, in my past. I don't hold onto it, I don't relive it, and I am not proud of it. I don't want my past in my future, I refuse to allow that to hold me back and I refuse to allow it to taint my future. The past is exactly where it needs to be, IN THE PAST! I choose to listen to the one who holds my future. I know that no matter what I have done those memories remain, but I also know that they remain to remind me of who I used to be and who I am NOT anymore. Thank you Jesus that you spoke to me when I was ready to listen. Please allow me to do the same for my friends and family. Allow me to speak when needed and remain silent when it is time for you Lord to speak. Lord, you have the ability to change hearts, I don't, so please do in me and others what my words can't. I love you so much and I thank you for the ability to be apart of changing lives and that you are so gentle when you do. Thank you for changing me and allowing me the privilege to see it happen in others. I love you Lord!!! Thank you for Words!

Isaiah 25:1

2008-11-24T00:07:00.000-08:00

"O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

How cool is that, that God has things planned so long ago and yet in all the time that passes from planning to now, he remains faithful to you. I love how amazingly faithful God is to us every day. Today I was reminded of that as I was in worship. God showed up, I mean in a new way. It was a really amazing thing to see that since I haven't seen my church walk in that ever. See I believe in the gifts and moving of the Holy Spirit accurately and appropriately. Due to some past hurts and pains that my dad has experienced he is a bit more stand offish about that. I am all about it and desire for us all to move in the gifts but I do realize that there is a maturity that has to be there as well. See about 14 years ago something that was I believe meant to encourage believers came to our church and hurt a lot of people. Than 3 years later that movement almost destroyed my family. It nearly did for a while. Yet God remained faithful. He had a plan for what he really wanted to do. That movement nearly took my walk with God and killed it. I mean I loved Jesus still but I didn't want to live and show others that, I was very selfish. But in God's Faithfulness he rescued me from all that I was doing and gave me a new place to stand on. I was totally transformed, and it happened in the blink of an eye. Now that isn't always how God works and I know that sometimes things are a process to work out of you and others are instantly gone. Well my rebelliousness, hurt and right to remain a victim were all taken away in a moments time. The walking out the change was a lot harder than that quick moment. I am still trying to rid myself of things that I fight with even now. That is apart of this sinful nature that we war with everyday. I am just glad to be on the winning side. Even though it may not feel like you are winning, It says in my bible that we have overcome. We are MORE than Conquerers and that God WINS!!!! There is a plan for your life and I know that you want that to be walked out so you can do what you know you are to accomplish. Well in that remember God is working behind the scenes so that the marvelous things planned long ago can happen. Looking at this verse though you have to read it in its entirety, "O LORD, you are my God;" I point this out because none of the promises will happen in your life that you want if God isn't YOUR God! That is the first requirement. You have to give him the room that he wants first before you can start to change. I am sure I have said this before and I will say it again, God is a gentleman. He will not take what is not given to him. He doesn't take over things if you haven't given him permission. You have to give him ALL the keys to your heart before you can entirely change. I give Jesus the keys to my heart everyday so that He is on the throne of my heart and I AM NOT!!! So first give your heart and life to Christ fully, than the rest of the verse fits perfectly. "for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Well that is pretty self explanatory when it comes to knowing Christ. He has a plan for your life and it was made in His perfect faithfulness. That verse also says to me, with the planning he will make sure everything that he wants to happen will. Because he who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it. So hang on to the promises and things that you know God has shown you and in that he will be faithful to allow it to happen. No matter how long it has been and how many obstacles along the way He is faithful. Just like God started something in me as a young child and even though it seemed hopeless to all around me. God has plans for me and those other things that were in the way, whether it was a distraction or anything else that blinds you, they are now removed so that God can move about freely and do all he needs to in me. Thank you Jesus for your Perfect Faithfulness. Thank you that you have marvelous things planned for us, and that you move as we exalt and praise you. I love you Jesus and thank you for all you are doing and moving even if we can't see it right now. Thank you!!!!

Invisibility

2008-11-23T02:39:00.000-08:00

Tough times are apart of us all. Whether we are young and fighting with a friend about a toy or we are older and fighting with the mirror about how we look. I know that things in this day and age are so different than even what our parents had to grow up with and endure at our age. I was talking with a friend the other night about how different our culture is even just from our parents and how much more sex and filth we are bombarded with daily. If it isn't a sleezy billboard, magazine or commercial, its in the clothing stores and on T.V. I am so tired of having to try and compare and compete with those images that guys so easily compare us to. It makes it hard to ever feel beautiful or pretty about yourself ever when the image of beauty portrait is not what I look like or any regular girl in school. I know that alot of my friends struggle with this more than I do but it never makes it easier. I have always believed that God made me exactly this way for a reason and so I need to be proud of who I am. If someone doesn't like me because of that then that isn't my fault. Well that attitude and mentality has been my saving grace in this time I live in. Although to some that may seem very harsh or rude, I think of it as the way God desires us to feel. I could be totally wrong about this but isn't it better for us to care about what God thinks than man. Now I am not saying it is wrong to want to feel or look pretty. I do the same thing, I mean that is the industry of my trade. But what I am saying is that I believe that what God sees in my heart is WAY more important to me than if my hair is in a pony tail or not. My friends don't always like that I don't care as much about how I look going certain places but I know that for me I would rather have God call me faithful than someone to tell me I look cute. I desire for others to venture out and see that we could be the most beautiful of a person on the outside but if the inside is a mess what good does that do anyone? I believe that in this time of vanity and selfishness, we need to step out of the box. We need to be more concerned with how to serve others and how to show them the life source, than how we look and feel about ourselves. I have learned in my short time on this earth that as I pour out myself to others and as I give more of who I am, God has more room to give me himself. WOW! That is what I really want. I want more of Him! I want Him to be all that I NEED. Although that is how I feel even now, I want it to be my every breathe. I want him to experience that with me I want Christ to be what I exhale on others. I want to serve and love others so intensely that all they feel and see from me is Him. I don't need the credit, nor do I want or deserve it. I just want Christ in me to be all that anyone sees. I have probably said this so many times and I will continue to say it, I want to always be invisible to others so that Christ is what is seen. I want Him to be ALL they see. This life is not about me, thank goodness! It is ALL about Christ and how he wants to save this lost and dying world. I know that he has BIG plans for my life and I am so excited to serve Him in BIG ways, I just always want to make sure that I remember that I am not the reason for anything good that happens to me, its all HIM!!! Thank you Jesus that you have given me purpose, and that purpose is to show you to others.

Expectations

2008-11-22T01:09:00.000-08:00

So how can you draw strength from God when you feel like you don't even have the strength to ask? This has been a puzzling question for me lately because not having enough strength to make it to the next breathe, that is something I am learning well. I have thought many times before this day that I was definitely at the end of my rope. Yet I endured more and life went on even when I was in the midst of pain. Then things would be easy for a while and then again, hit with more pain. I would feel at the end of myself again and then again I would still go on. This has been my life cycle for the past few years. When God desires to birth something through you and he desires to allow you to walk out your dreams, you come to the end of yourself ALOT! And I mean ALOT!!! These past few years have truly been a roller coaster that I have many times wanted to halt just to catch my breath but that isn't how life works. You endure something and you have to find the moments in that storm to catch your breathe. Sometimes it is longer than others and sometimes it is a brief moment to literally catch your breathe and dive right back in. Those are moments I am guessing none of us do very well. I am learning how to more and more see those moments as relief but never REST! Its as if you are in the ocean but the waves are crashing on you from both sides. As one hits you the next one is coming from the other direction. My friend had a dream about this so long ago that I was on the shore and she was in the water. I was telling her to duck every time a wave was about to hit her but they were from both sides coming at her. I know that may seem weird but if you ever get the chance to hear the whole story of our ministry you will understand this more completely. So back to the storm, if you find yourself in this place just remember that you are not alone and that God is working the things out of you that need to be gone so you can take on your promised land. I just want you to know that as you encounter these the storms only seem to get bigger and stronger. But that is just a way for God to show you how much Bigger and stronger he is than your storm. That is really the whole purpose of this life anyway. To see how much we can trust him even when things seem against you. Believe me when I say I understand. I have encountered many a giants in these times of my life. Especially now that I am tugging on heaven to open the flood gates so that we can fully walk into our promised land. I say that confidently because that just means that everyday I endure means one less day to have to wait for it. My strength was taken from me this past week again like before but this time in my crying out to God I believe a shift happened. I believe that God not only heard my cry but he set in motion the things that we have been calling out to him so long for. I believe that even though things seem really dark right now and I feel as though God isn't hearing me, I know that he is and that the stuff going on behind the scenes is only so that everything is ready at once. As we approach thanksgiving this next week I want to remember that even the bad stuff in my life I need to be thankful for. I wouldn't be who God wants and needs me to be without it and I know that as I thank him for it, things will begin to happen. This week was such a dark time for me, I felt as if my life had come to an end. I was ready to throw in the towel and just give up, yet hope remained. I cried out for my family, for my friends, for the lives that Jesus wants to touch because of me, and there it was. HOPE! Just like a faithful friend in the night, HOPE-the expectation of future good! It was calling out to me, don't give up or give in. Remain and I will make sure that your promises are fulfilled. Remember that I am here to show you that this isn't over yet. God has things in store for you that you couldn't ever even imagine. Well here I am still holding on to the smallest part of that amazing thing, HOPE! Don't ever let your circumstances, your family or your friends tell you something is hopeless. Because where hopelessness is there is death. But Christ came to bring life, and that more abundantly. So the next time you begin to doubt, remember that HOPE is there cheering you on. Thank you Jesus for the expectation of future good!

When Circumstances SCREAM!

2008-10-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight was one of those nights that I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemy, well on Satan but no one else. The ache in my heart and the pain I feel even now, after the shower of God's peace cleans up, continues to bring tears to my eyes. I love God with all that I am and I have fully dedicated my life to do what He has called me to do even when it seems crazy and isn't the popular thing to do. I know that to others I look as if I am a failure and that I look to be a wondering child, when the reality is that I am right where I am supposed to be. I know this because everyday the fight in me gets stronger to do what God has called of me, and yet my circumstances want to lie and say otherwise. I don't want to be a victim to my circumstances. God didn't create me to be restrained by my circumstances, I am to be free from them and see them as trivial in certain areas. I am not sure that even in all the human words there are that I will be able to explain this well, but I will certainly try to give honor to my King. My circumstances look at me and tell me that I am a failure, a disappointment to my family and friends, that I am not worth loving, that I am doomed to be lonely and single the rest of my life, that I deserve to be treated badly, that no one understands me, that I will never be happy in life, that I don't deserve God to bless me, and so on. I think you get the picture of what my circumstances say. BUT, God says that those things aren't true of me. He says that I am not a failure, He is proud of me even when my family and friends don't understand, I am WORTH loving, God has a man out there for me, I don't deserve to be treated bad yet give grace to those who do that, I have some people who understand me even when I don't say a word, I only need Jesus to make me happy, I do deserve God's blessings even if it is in the next life, and so on. God says all these things to me to combat the lies that my situation would scream at me. And believe me it screams my name constantly, yet somehow, and I mean by God's grace, It dulls in comparison to the work God is doing in me. When he whispers my name, and lovingly reminds me that it only matters what HE thinks about me, that speaks so much louder than any scream my circumstances could say to me. I know that breakthrough is right around the corner, and if I can hold on to the promise God has, than I KNOW that there is something better on the other side of this. So I want to encourage you, that when your circumstances scream your name and tell you lies, remember what God says about you and that His whisper can silence the lies and bring calm to your storm. Life is hard with Christ, but honestly it would be a whole lot harder without him. I choose to stand up and say to my circumstances, I will taste and see that the Lord is good. I will stand and see TODAY the salvation of the Lord. You can scream my name all you want, but the names that you are calling out to me, aren't who I am anymore, and I choose not to listen. Join me today, Stand and see TODAY that the Lord Your God is GOOD!!!

What do you choose today?

2008-10-07T11:42:00.001-07:00

Today seems to be one of those days where your shoes don't feel right on, your wanting things to go one way and they take a turn, you are happy to be alive and yet something/someone is pushing you to be upset instead. I can feel the struggle today!!! I feel it most days but for some reason I feel the fight stronger today and I know that there HAS to be something UNSEEN going on. These days are alot of times to strengthen us but also there is an underlined battle, the unseen things that cause the seen things to be harder. If you aren't understanding what I mean or if you don't seem to grasp it fully hear me out. Today is NEW full of life, adventure, new encounters and new discoveries, yet YESTERDAY seems to still try and linger when it is no longer welcome. This day is new, my bible says it is, and still the past wants to hold on as if it has a right to. Well it doesn't and in this struggle of who wins today we feel this fight when someone doesn't agree with your choice, or when you are asked to do something for someone which totally causes time to shorten. It is one of those moments that if we aren't careful we can allow the attitude of the moment to take over this day too!! I REFUSE! Today will not be tainted by yesterday, it will not take on OLD things that I have laid at the cross, and I REFUSE to allow anything or anyone to steal my joy! The Joy of the Lord is MY Strength. I am not doing this on my own strength but in the strength of the one who can carry this day! He created it just for us to have one more day of communion with Him. For us to take in one more time the warmth of the beautiful sun, the cool breeze and the fresh air we need. Forget the struggle and the fight for one moment and just allow the breath of Life to begin to change your day!!! When I was starting my teenage journey, I was always told that you can choose how you react to things and you can choose to give into your emotions and let them rule you, or not!! I say this because when things go wrong we can either let it ruin our whole day or we can allow it to frustrate us for a moment and then let it go. I choose JOY, Love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control today!!! No matter what comes at me, I Choose to have a better attitude than yesterday, I choose to have a brighter outlook on life, and I CHOOSE to go out of my way to make someone else's day better!!! Thank you Jesus for another day to love you!!!!!

Involved

2008-09-23T22:06:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a long time since I have done this so HERE WE GO!!!!! Ok so at this moment in my life God is testing my faith in a new way. I know that we always need to be stretched or we get complacent. I really have been blessed by how God is allowing things that I know I have been praying for so long to happen, are happening. YAY!!!! Thank you Jesus. Just small things like getting an unexpected opportunity to spend some time with old friends. Its amazing to get to play with little children who love you just because of who you are. I love that! It is just such a blessing to be able to see how amazing God is and how involved He desires to be in our daily lives. I am learning more how to allow him to be apart of everything I do and including him in my life. I am just so blessed to be in this place at this time. I love Him for wanting to be apart of it all. I desire to bring him more and more in my daily activities. Maybe that is something we need to ask him about, what does he desire to be more involved in with us all the time? I sure hope that He reveals that to me. I love it that He desires more from me. I love that He wants to know me more. I love that He chose me to do this work and that He wants me to minister to others. Thank you Jesus that you have given me this opportunity to show you others. I love it!!! Thank you Jesus!!!!

Honestly

2008-08-04T00:12:00.000-07:00

Today I got a glimpse into some people who I thought were changing and to see that they aren't makes me want to test my own heart. I never want to be one of those people who doesn't allow others to change and yet who wants to keep them in a box that I have placed them in. I want to allow others to grow and let them change at their own pace. I have someone I know who is close to me that has been trying to change and yet they can't seem to really LET GO of all they need to. There is a person in their life that they hold on to even if it isn't good for them. I love this person so very much but I know that I need to allow them to change and make their own choices. I can't do it for them, I can't tell them what to do even though I want to and require them to change. As they allow me to be that way, I need to give them the same grace. Although, how do you do that with someone you care about and want to see them freed, once and for all, of all the things that hold them back from what God wants for them. How do you let them know you care about them from stepping back? How can you tell them that they can't fool you into thinking they are doing well, when you feel they aren't, and that the people that they choose to consume them will only cause more harm then good. I love them so much but I have to wonder if they really want GOD or just the gifts he gives. I know that they love Him but honestly do they choose to live and fight because of who he is or what he does for them. Like I said I love this person but I choose to obey Christ and be honest about this rather than to keep this in my heart. I know that I am not to judge them and I don't want that responsibility but to see the way that I know they try and cover things up makes it hard not to see the reality of who they are. I have seen it in them for a while, I want them to change and I refuse to push, but I do want to see them be better. I have to just truly release them to God and let go. I can't take on their burdens when they don't seem to want to change. Seeing how hard they try to show me and others that they have changed makes me question really how much they have. I see they want to, yet they don't allow the Holy Spirit any room to change them. I just want to say that I love you with all my heart, I won't give up on praying for you but I will release you to God and give him total reign. I will drag you into the throne room of God daily, and I will fight for you. I will love you always, and when you really choose to change I will be here, yet, I choose to step back, allowing God the room he needs. I want to share the blessings of God we have been promised but when that person isn't doing ALL that God requires, then I will move forward and pray that one day they will catch up. I know that they are to be apart of the big vision and that they are to let go of all, but God can't move until they are willing to leave their place of comfort with reckless abandon. I know that my life at times is one that causes others to look at themselves and choose. I will not apologize for who God made me. I will not hold back who I am, or my choices because it makes others uncomfortable. There is a time to do that and a time to speak, now is the time to speak. Just please know that I love you and I choose to love you through this, even if I am not in your daily life. You mean alot to me and that will never change. I know that God isn't going to do the samething in you that he did in me. I am sorry about that, but allow him to do what HE wants to so that your life can be better. Just remember that I see you, and I love you for who you are, no matter what! Lord, you know my heart, please allow this person to see you for who YOU are, and allow them to let you change them. I want them to embark on this journey too, Thank you for putting them in my life and please allow change to happen. Thank you so much! I love you Jesus!

New things to come

2008-07-18T23:28:00.001-07:00

Ok so walking in Gods will isn't EVER easy but it is ALWAYS RIGHT!!! I have to make sure that my attitude and my mind is in the right place when I make choices that don't seem very logical. I understand that God works in mysterious ways, so who can't I make a choice that is causing me to take a leap of faith and totally trust God, instead of just getting by on yesterdays MANNA! I want to live on new manna, fresh, just for today. I have a hard time when God confirms things over and over again, that this is what I am supposed to be doing and yet, I know it is going to be scary and hard. Even now as I write this, God shows me that his favor and his faithfulness are here. My friend told me that as long as your heart is in the right place and you are doing all you can to please God he will lead you. You can't go wrong, but you can fall, the whole point of our walk is to see how we respond when we fall, and where we go. I know for a fact that God himself has been speaking to me in small ways, just so that I know that He is listening and that He is leading me. I can't wait to see what he is going to do in even just these next few days. I have seen more favor and blessing on me in the last 48 hours since my decision that I have seen in the past few months combined. Thank you Jesus! I will praise the Lord and forget not His benefits. Thank you Lord for all you do, speak, and act on. Thank you that you have entrusted us to be able to share who you are. Please let us do it with wisdom, understanding and purity. Thank you Jesus for the lives you are going to change because of this. Thank you that you love us just as WE are. Thank you!!!

Walking By Faith

2008-07-16T23:32:00.001-07:00

Well Here I go!!! God spoke to me today and no matter what you think, I know he did. No matter what I think or how I feel, when God talks, I listen...I decided along time ago that no matter what I would obey His voice. So that is what I am doing! Its called walking by Faith, and not by sight. I am stepping out of the boat and I am going to walk on water like PETER did!!! I am going to WALK ON WATER!!!! Its also very hard when others don't understand or didn't hear what you did. I know that I don't have to answer to anyone except God in reality, but sometimes it is also important to have enough respect for the circumstance to explain your decisions. I am taking back my life from others who I feel like I have allowed the role I should have assumed along time ago. I am reclaiming MY LIFE! Not to live for me, or to waste as I did before but to live it the way I was meant to, In total surrender and worship to God. I know that I am ready, willing and able to do what God has called me to do. Whether I have the support behind me or not. I know what I HAVE to do so that I can accomplish ALL He has set out for me. Thank you Jesus that you have trained me and helped me hear you better. Thank you that today you didn't have to even speak for me to know your heart. I want to always hear you and to see you in things. Thank you that you have given me the confidence to KNOW THAT I KNOW, THAT I KNOW what you have laid before me. Help me now to squander it or to mistreat it. I just want to spend every second pleasing you with ALL that I AM!!! Thank you Jesus for letting me have confidence that YOU are my provider and YOU WILL sustain me. I love you Jesus, With all that is within me!! Thank you!!!! Thank you!!!! Thank you!!!!!

Letter from I AM!

2008-07-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

My Child,

Please allow me to share with you my heart for you, some may be hard to read but know that I have your best interest at heart and I love you, deeply. Thank you for allowing me to bare your burdens, Thank you for crying out to me from the depths of your soul. Know that I AM Holy and Just, as well as the Lover of your soul. I AM as consistent as the waves. I love you with an everlasting love, love that will not falter with the wind and will not die or grow cold. It will not fade with years gone by, change with the seasons, or lessen by your choices. I love you with all that I AM and I love you with all that I know you can be. There is so much more for you My Love, there is a depth that you could never imagine, I want to take you to. There are things in you that I know you want to change NOW but please allow me to do what I need, so that you can see things differently. I know that you are afraid to let go with all of you and just trust. I know that holding on to the past will never truly bring in your future. I know that as you are a new creation, the old has past and the new has come. You have to let go. I know it is easier to hold on to the past, because you see it and it is familiar. Rather than letting go and moving into the future that is unseen. I love you, I AM love, so how can I not. You are made in my image, you were made to have sweet, amazing communion with me. You were created just for me. Before you were thought of by your parents, I knew you. I created you in the depths, in the inmost parts. I know that I give you things so that you can learn to enjoy life, and that you can love me more, yet you seem to be mad about the things you don't have. Why am I not enough? I gave up my life for you and you say I am not enough. I love you anyway. No matter how far you run, I love you. I believe in you, no matter how many times you run and fall, I believe in YOU! I love you and I want you to know me more. I love you perfectly, and love drives out all fear and shame. If you allow yourself to know MY LOVE, not the love that the world has to offer but MY LOVE, I promise that your life will change. I know that is a scary place to be but I do have YOUR best interest at heart. I want the best for you, but my best for you isn't the same as yours. My heart, for who you are to become, may not look like what you want. Are you ok with that or will you continue to live in fear of others and yourself, rather than walk in faith and love me the best way you can? I want you to choose love, but I will not force you to love me. That is out of my nature, that isn't who I created you to be. I don't want forced love, that isn't LOVE.

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails..." 1Cor13:4-8

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

These are MY words, I love you with a perfect love. Nothing can seperate you from that, not even YOU! Trust me and I will show you new things, things you never thought possible. I have strategically placed people in your life for you to learn from and for them to learn from you. But you have to allow me to do my work in you, or I will entrust them to someone else. They are my children too and I love them. I desire that NONE should perish, but ALL to come to repentance. Please don't look around you and see what you don't have, please know that you are the best person for YOUR job. They are the best for theirs. No one is misplaced and no one is better than anyone else. You need to step out in faith, with nothing holding you back and trust me. I will take you to heights never seen. I have a BIG, and perfect plan for you, but you have to let go. Let go of anyone or anything tying you to this world you seem to love. If you love the world you don't love me. Let go of all the things that keep your focus off of me. Cling to me with all you have, cling to those that point you in that direction. I will restore others, YOU are not their Savior, I AM, you need to allow me to be that. I will remove people from your life, some for a time and others for good. Please just trust that I have better things for you. Some of the people in your life that you think are lifers, are just seasonal, why are you trying to make them stay longer than I planned for you? Others you keep at a distance, are lifetime people and I have placed them there for a reason. You will never get to keep them the way you want, and they will never be who you need. Allow me to remove them, I have other plans for them but you are holding them back and standing in their way. I love you and I want to see things change for you aswell but you have to let go. Stop your friendly fire, and fire upon the enemy. Let me remove the people and things so that "New" can happen. I love you, you are the apple of my eye. I will love you always. Please just turn around. I promise my arms will be wide open for you, and will cover you. I will be here waiting for you until you turn around. I love you, my child. Let's move out of the old and into the new. You are worth it. You are worth the death of my one and only son, that I love so much, so that you and I could have a relationship. Turn, run, cry, yell if you have to, but please TURN and look at me. Know that I am enough for you. I made your heart that way, you have a hole in your heart that only I can fill. I did that on purpose, I AM all you need. Please know I write you this letter in love so that we can move out of this place, into a new, fresh, amazing place that I have designed just for you. Thank you for allowing me to share my heart with you. Please know that I tell you this not to hurt you but for you to know that I AM who I say I AM!!!!

With all my love,

Your Heavenly Father.

I love you my child, I love you!

Tainted

2008-07-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

This morning I was awaken to some amazing songs in worship, and I was just so blessed. Then I realized what time it was and that I needed to get up and be to work early. I know that things aren't always how they seem and there are devised intentions in others to either go after or protect. I know that there are things in life that aren't to be taken lightly yet others need to be taken with a grain of salt. I know that in life you can have a great moment, even during the wee hours in worship, and the next get ambushed. I know that our stuggle isn't against flesh and blood, but against the prince of palities and powers of this dark world. I know that and yet there are moments, not that I forget, but that I just need something physical to make responsible. I want to not be so concerned with the name that I have, as I am concerned as the name that I CARRY with me! I hope you understand the difference. I want to make sure that the name that I carry with me isn't tainted by my actions and choices. I want it to be evident to all and clear. I want others not to see me but to see the one who sent me. I want them to see as clearly as possible that I am here on His assignment. I know that my attitude, insecurities, emotions, actions, choices, behaviors, words, and beliefs can cloud that mirror really fast. These things can make the mirror inwhich others see Christ tainted and very distorted. I know that I don't always show Him in the right way, I want to show Him correctly everytime. I don't want to get in the way of what others need to see. To be His hands, feet, mouthpiece, and all that he desires is so amazing that I hope everyone gets to be that to someone else. I was in a conversation today with someone that I love dearly and I realized, that in the church we talk about being blessed by others yet to fight for another that means to let yourself be second. I know that this is a hard thing yet I think for some, God grows you and changes you as you learn to fight for others. I know that self sacrifice isn't easy and you have to be strong at heart to do that, but I also know that you will be less selfish when you learn to focus on others. That is the whole point of serving, isn't it? To place others before yourself and to make sure that you are ministering to others. Now please don't misunderstand that I totally believe that making sure that your relationship with God is on track and that he is your life source. You need to draw strength from the life giver and I know that you have to have time to know God's will, but Jesus came here for us. We should live by his example, He woke up early to go and pray, then He went out and served all day long. It even says that He got tired, yet He served and prayed so that he could pour out. I know that even in the Garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus was praying, I believe he wasn't just praying for God to "take this cup from me, evenso not my will but yours be done." I think that he was praying so that his feeble flesh would do what He knew was required. I believe that this is our example, to take EVERYTHING to the Lord in prayer. It is the same concept as commanding your soul to praise God, well when you need a time of refreshing and a time of rest, you can have it. I am just saying that you also are here as a warrior, and believe me, that isn't for the faint of heart or the weak minded. To stay up all night praying beause you were asked to, to get out of your warm bed just to spend some time with God on anothers behalf, or to have an overwhelming sense of urgency when you are standing in line and are inclined to pray, that is self sacrifice. Sometimes I think that word pushes others away because they think they have to go to the deepest jungle somewhere and do God's work, Yes sometimes that is what is required, but not always do things, have to be so drastic. I believe that when you or I want to show Christ's love to others it doesn't always have to be in extreme measures. Sometimes those are required but alot of times it is just sacrificing your own bit of sleep and comfort or you being a bit uncomfortable to show God and others that they are more important than you. I just want to never miss an opportunity to obey God's will and to show others how to as well. Please remember though that each one of us are different and each have our own calling. I say this so that you don't think that when others have different experiences, or are blessed in different way that they are doing something better or not in comparison. We are not to compare ourselves eith others. Some are entrusted with much and some aren't but the ones that aren't doesn't make them less important to God. Actually I think in a way He gives them less so that they can take better care of it, than that of someone who has so many things to take care of it isn't always done with 100% of themselves. I am not saying that is truth but it is just an observation. Know that whatever YOU are entrusted with, YOU are responsible for and so take pride in that and knowing that you will do a better job, that is why it was given to you. Think about your friends and family, think about your relationships with them. Who has God entrusted you to be close to and be an impact on? Who has God given just to YOU, so that you can make an impact on their lives? Who has God blessed you with so that they can look at you and say that their lives have changed because of you? Don't try to be someone else, don't try to have what God has given to another, don't be unthankful for what God has entrusted to YOU. If you do, even what you have will be taken away. Thank God today for the people he has entrusted to YOU, and allow your life to start reflecting your grateful heart. Thank you Jesus for those you have given to me and help me to show you more than yesterday, and better tomorrow. I love you Jesus!

Christs Heart in Another

2008-07-06T01:34:00.000-07:00

I am realizing that things in my life are changing and different than I would have planned but I am so glad that they are better than I would have thought. I love my life even if things aren't how I planned, and even if things are rough. I have an inspiration to be a better person. Even tonight we were talking and I realized that I am sometimes hard on me and others and I want to allow others to be themselves. It shouldn't matter because others let me be me so I need to let them have the same grace. I desire to love others that way. I have such an example and I love that I am learning so much more. I love it. I want to be better, I want to love more and I want to show others how to do that. I love that God is showing me more of himself. Especially when it is in other people, and reflecting God's heart for others. I am just so blessed to have that kind of example in my life. Our conversations are always encouraging to me and I love that there is so much understanding. I am just blessed to have someone who sees things like I do and just wants to see the best brought out in others. I desire to be someone in the world that will push others to be better and see the world differently. I know that learning how to do that only makes it easier for me to encourage others. It is one of those things that you HAVE to walk through so that your understanding is better. I am just so amazed at how things can be brought to your attention when you are in that place to be able to receive the knowledge to change things. I know that I constantly need to be reminded of the things in my life and the attributes that I have that need to change. I know that I need to be better at this and not let negativity out of my mouth. I need to allow that to take a back seat to reality. I know that I have grown up in a place where although I am sure it wasn't intentional negativity was piled on me. I know that there are more positive things that I grew up around more than a lot and I am blessed by that but the negativity was something that had become more evident as I have gotten older. I have been definitely surprised by this and seen it more in family than ever before. I try not to let it affect my spirit but when things in my life aren't exactly how I think they should be I am sad to see that negativity is what is brought out. I know that part of that is because I have messed up in the past and I want to make sure I stay straight, but I don't desire to ever go back there and I know that God has removed that old self from the core. I know that things in my life are definitely different then ever before. I just don't think that sometimes that is revealed to others. I know that things need to change more, hopefully for them to really see me in a different light but I am just so blessed that even though they may not see me as different, that I am. I know that some of the negativity is driven by fear and misunderstanding things. I know some of it is driven by hurt as well. I also know that I can't change the past, all I can do is make better choices in the future. I am so blessed that I have someone who doesn't bring the negativity out in me and allows me to love on others more and see them in a new way. I love you so much for that and I want to thank you for allowing me to be me and yet to change and be a better person. I really am a better person because of you. Thank you, You and My Jesus make me better and make this life and ALL the struggle so worth it. I would walk through all the struggles and fire again just to have someone who understands and sees things like I do. Thank you so much and please just keep being YOU!!! I love you so much and NOTHING will ever change that. I don't care what others might think this is YOU AND ME!!!! Thank you for trusting me with all you have. I will ALWAYS be here no matter what, I will always back you up and I will always understand your heart. I know you know this but I just want to remind you that I feel your heart, Thanks for allowing me to. I love you! Thank you Jesus for this amazing gift you have given to me and thank you so much that you have entrusted me with an amazing heart to take care of and love. Thank you for giving us love for each other and you. Please help each of us to grow more in love with you and to not take for granted the amazing things in each other that you have blessed us with. Thank you that you have entrusted me with things that I want to make sure I am taking care of them with wisdom and love. Thank you Jesus that you blessed me and love me enough to show me your heart for others in another person. Thank you for showing me your heart for me in another person and how much you care and see good in me more than I could ever think. Thank you for loving me that much to take the time to make someone who has your heart, and placing them with me. Thank you!!!!